Wicked Wonders
by pr3ttykittycat
Summary: One mistake. ONE. One stupid, impulsive, destructive mistake. That was all it took for Lilian Vargas to be sent to Camp Green Lake, a juvenile detention facility for troubled boys and girls. Here, she was to face the consequences of her actions. That was much easier said than done, especially when she was stuck in the middle of all the drama her tentmate managed to conjure...
1. Chapter 1

Counseling night. Every camper at Camp Green Lake hated counseling night. No one wanted to spend two long hours of their free time talking about their lives. The counselors were especially keen on asking about their plans when they were released from camp, and next to no one wanted to answer that.

But no matter how much the inmates begged for mercy, Counseling Night remained on the schedule. So once a week, a group of girls and a group of boys gathered into one tent and endured two hours of each other's presence.

But out of all the counseling nights, Dr. Pendanski and Miss Ida dreaded this one most: Group D and Group H were assigned to the same group. Squid and Gill and Eel would be in the same room, and nobody wanted that.

On the floor of D-Tent, they sat in to separate halves of a circle, the girls on one side of the tent, and the boys on the other. Dr. Pendanski, D-Tent's counselor, and Ida, H-tent's counselor, whispered in the corner. Everyone knew they had the hots for each other.

The boys were viciously ignoring Group H by playing a card game, and anytime someone said a joke, they would force their laughter out harder to irritate the girls.

The girls kept to themselves, occasionally shooting glares across the room. They whispered amongst each other, ready for the night to be over. Walker, Catwoman, and Karate were taking bets on whether it would be Gill or Squid to start an argument. Gill, Eel, and Hollywood where discussing the possible topics of Pendanski and Ida's conversation.

The counselors soon returned to the circle, sitting with their respective groups.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Pendanski said brightly. Probably happy about his new date.

"No thanks," snapped Eel, earning a glare from Pendanski.

Despite their hatred for the other group, a few of the boys grunted in agreement. They didn't want to be in counseling either.

"Don't be rude," Ida scolded. "I know you and the boys have had trouble getting along, but it's really important that all of you learn to co-exist." She made wide motions with her hand and clipboard. She always had a clipboard with her, for some reason, but no one ever really knew why.

"Now, girls," Pendanski said. "Last week, the boys and I discussed their futures and what they wanted to when they left Camp Green Lake. I would be mighty interested to hear what you girls have to say. Sage? What about you?"

Hollywood heaved a great sigh, as if he'd just asked her to do some laborious task, and set down her nail file. The glamour girl of Camp Green Lake (or the closest you could get in an orange jumpsuit) had been arrested for shoplifting designer clothes and accessories. Her arrival at Green Lake was like a red carpet even – her clothes were expensive (and stolen) and she waved to everyone who stared.

"I'm gonna marry a billionaire and have her buy this place so that I can fire you." She shot him a bright smile and went back to filing her nails.

A vein on his forehead started to pop out. Pendanski kept smiling though. "Lily? Anything from you?"

"I'm legally changing my name to Eel so idiots like you don't call me Lily." Smirking, Eel propped her arm up on a bed. The nerve of this guy.

Eel might not have been her real name, but, at Camp Green Lake, calling campers by their nicknames was a sign of respect. Since hazing was technically against the law, they campers had to figure out a legal way to give newcomers an initiation (even if they were already juvenile delinquents). Each nickname had meaning behind it, whether it was based off someone's personality, appearance, or whatever else.

On her second day at camp, Eel had earned her nickname. The former Robotics Team Captain had been working on the television for Zigzag, but when some nimrod started patronizing her, she provided him with a well-deserved electric shock. Amused and impressed, Gill suggest "Eel" and it stuck.

Pendanski's smile disappearing, he turned to Gill and asked, venom laced through his tone, "How about you, Sophia? What will you be doing when you leave Camp Green Lake?"

Before she could reply, one of the boys spoke.

"Haven't you heard? She's already gotta sugar daddy lined up for when she gets out."

The boys' side erupted with laughter. The girls glared across the room at the culprit. Squid smirked back, his usually toothpick held between his teeth.

"Sugar daddy's still better than no daddy," Eel shot back, earning a snicker from Gill and Hollywood.

That wiped the grin of his face. The noise died down. Pendanski dropped his head into his hands in defeat. Walker slid two shower tokens to Karate. Barfbag shook his head.

"The fuck did you just say to me?" Squid demanded.

Eel cocked her head, a smug grin on her face. "You heard me."

They were both up in a second, chest-to-chest and in each other's faces. He stood half a foot taller than her, but Eel had no trouble holding her own.

He shoved her, but she grabbed him by the hair and took him down too. Eel landed on her back, with Squid over her. It should have hurt, but adrenaline curbed the sensation.

Her vision went red, but she had enough sense to knee him in the stomach and push him away. Recovering quick, Squid flung himself at her, his fist balled.

Before Eel could lash out with her fingernails, an arm wrapped around her front, hauling her back. She strained, wanting nothing more than to leave a mark on Squid.

"Stop it," Karate ordered in her ear. Eel complied with the martial arts expert said. She had seen the tiny Japanese girl take someone down just by using pressure points, and she decided against getting on the receiving end of that.

Squid struggled against Armpit and Zigzag's grip, but they held steady.

"Better keep that bitch away from me!" Squid shouted, spit spraying from his mouth, his entire upper body flushed with rage.

"You think I wanna come anywhere near you, you piece of shit?" Eel screamed back. Someone grabbed her by the back of the shirt and dragged her backwards. Karate and Catwoman both grabbed an arm and shoved her out of Tent D.

"Goddamn, girl, you gotta a death wish," Gill said, releasing Eel's shirt.

Eel growled and jerked away from Karate and Catwoman. "He started it." She adjusted her jumpsuit. The top two buttons had completely ripped off, allowing a bit of cleavage to show.

"I know, baby," Gill said, throwing an arm over Eel's shoulders as they started walking to their tent. "But you're a good girl, aren't you, sticking up for me like that?"

The remainder of group H filed out of Tent D, followed by Ida. They could sense the lecture coming.

Back in Tent H, Eel collapsed onto her cot. She massaged her throbbing head with her knuckles. Now that she was calm, guilt and concern settled in the pit of her stomach. She regretted hitting him, even though she knew he'd had it coming. No one spoke to Gill like that without consequences. Fighting with Squid was the last thing she wanted to do, but she couldn't let Gill down.

"Every week," Ida said, fuming as she walked across the tent. "This happens _every single week_." She went quiet, scribbling away on her clipboard. "Last week it was Sage and Rudy. And now it's you and Alan, Lily."

"They were all asking for it, Blondie," Hollywood said. (Sometimes counselors had nicknames too. Pendanski's was Mom. An old H-Tent member, Rook, nicknamed Ida Blondie.)

"What does it matter?" Ida demanded. She nearly threw her clipboard across the room. "Just keep your mouths shut. If someone says something you don't like, just _don't respond_." She whirled on Eel. "And _you_. You and Alan. You are the _worst_ out of everyone. It's every damn day with you two."

"Hah!" Catwoman scoffed. She had removed her shirt for bed, revealing the tattoo on her stomach that had named her. "You know what they say – when boys and girls pick on each other, it's because they like each other."

Eel glared across the room, her arms crossed over her chest.

"That's bullshit," Gill stated. "She hates him because he's an asshole. Isn't that right, Eel?"

Everyone looked at her expectantly. She nodded stiffly. "Yeah, he's an asshole. I hate him," she echoed. Catwoman shook her head in disbelief. "I'll try not to fight him so much, okay, Blondie? But I can't stop myself if he starts being a dick."

Ida shook her head, stalking to the tent flaps. "You girls are absolutely useless. It's no wonder you ended up here!" She glanced over her shoulder at Eel. "Lily, you will be receiving punishments for your actions tonight."

"You know what the best punishment for me would be, Blondie?" Eel asked. "A permanent ban on group counseling." She meant it. Counseling was shit.

"Nice try," Ida said. She wrote something on her clipboard.

"Whatever," Eel grumbled. Without getting up, she peeled off her jumpsuit and tossed it into her cubby.

When the lights shut off, her mind drifted back to her and Squid's fight from earlier, and then the ones from throughout the week. There was quite a few of them, although they didn't always get in trouble for them. She wished she could take them all back. The fighting always upset Barfbag. He would always remind her how disappointed her brothers would be if they knew she had resorted to fighting boys. She told herself that was the only reason she hated fighting.

Eel turned onto her side, falling asleep in minutes. Before Camp Green Lake, she had never been able to fall asleep on command. But now there was nothing to keep her awake. There was just a hundred miles of desert and a hot sun she wanted to avoid.

In Tent H, Eel was the second-in-command to Gill, who had a yearlong sentence for drug dealing in Abilene and had served ten months of it. Having spent the most time at Camp Green Lake, she was the leader of Tent H. Sometime before arriving at camp, she had been in an accident that left her with two parallel scars on the side of her throat, which had been the inspiration for her nickname.

Something about her friendly demeanor kept her in charge. When she talked, it sounded nice, but there was something sinister that stuck to the underside of her words. For the most part, Tent H never had reason to worry if they did what she said. But every once in a while, a nightmare slipped into the tent at the dead of night, and an inmate woke with the afterimage of blood dripping from razor-sharp teeth and down a neck with two slits on each side…

Several tents away, Squid fumed in his cot.

He glared at the ceiling, his fist clenched at his sides.

No matter what Pendanski said, he refused to apologize to Gill. He didn't care if it meant he had to work in the kitchen for the next several weeks. That bitch wouldn't win.

He rolled onto his front, his hands gripping the corners of his pillow. He cringed, his stomach still sore from Eel's knee. He refused to move. Somehow, if he gave into the pain, he was forfeiting to her, and he wouldn't ever do that. Even though it had been Eel that fought him, she did so for Gill.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to think about something else. He didn't get much sleep.

There hadn't always been a feud between Tents D and H. Before Eel joined the ranks, X-Ray could remember a boy from his tent being a little more than friendly with an H-Tent girl.

In fact, the source of the rift could be traced right back to Gill and Squid. Somewhere along the line, the pair had met and come to a mutual feeling of disdain. Whenever they came within speaking distance of each other, they were arguing and yelling.

When Eel arrived was when the fighting started. Gill had never been physically strong, but Eel had been an athlete and could defend herself without help. So, Eel became Gill's unofficial bodyguard, biting back with her snarky mouth and lightning fast temper. She fought Squid, and Gill repaid her by making sure the girls at Camp Green Lake liked her.

The fights sent a fracture between the two tents. The tension had the boys and girls on edge for weeks. Maybe the girls feared Gill and what her new friend would do if they were seen talking to the boys of Tent D.

The day Hollywood showed up was the day all hell broke loose. Gill noticed X-Ray trying to hit on the new girl and the rest of Tent H interjected. There was nothing but chaos for a week straight. Several fights a day between Group D and H were being broken up. Who even knows who started them – but it was the Warden ending them.

She finally emerged from her cabin, furious. She assured the campers that if they continued to behave like animals, they would be treated as such.

Fighting continued, but only between Squid and Eel, urged by Gill. The rest of the two groups kept their distance.

But the worst thing about the fighting, though, was that Eel and Squid didn't even want to hurt each other. Everyone could see the worried eyes stealing glancing across the room. Eel only did what Gill wanted, and Squid knew that.

And sometimes, when Gill wasn't looking, Eel would catch his eye. Usually it was when the groups dug together and Gill didn't realize the exchange from her hole. They would stare at each other for a moment until tentative smiles creeped onto their faces. For a short minute, Gill didn't exist and all was forgiven.

But only for a minute.

* * *

Oh boy. Looking back on this is super cringey, but I'm just gonna upload it before I try to edit it more... I hope you like this first chapter! Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Eel opened her eyes several minutes before the alarm went off. She sat up and stretched as the haze wore off. As she leaned over the side of her cot, she grunted. She was still sore from the previous night's fight.

When the trumpet sounded, she leapt up from her cot and yanked on her jumpsuit and boots. Gill left the tent at her side.

"I never really appreciated high school starting at eight," Gill grumbled. "But I think I will when I go back." Eel gave a halfhearted smile, but didn't tell her she disagreed.

Dr. Pendanski waited for them at the Library. As usual, he had his sun hat on and a smear of sunscreen across his nose. "Morning, gals," he said, a shit-eating grin stinking across his face. "Are you excited to be digging with the boys today?"

Eel wrinkled her nose in disgust. Pushing past Pendanski, she snatched a shovel and a tortilla.

"Now, girls, I know you and the boys have never seen eye-to-eye," he offered, "But maybe spending some time with each other will help you to get to know each other better." He gave Eel a pointed look.

She got the message. He expected her to apologize. Over her dead body.

"If group counselling can't help us get to know each other, what makes him think digging holes next to each other will?" Gill demanded as Pendanski meandered to the other girls of H-Tent.

"Maybe their hopin' we'll use the shovels as weapons and kill each other off," Eel said with a snicker. She turned towards the lake and came face-to-face with Squid.

He glared down at the girls, sleep still in his eyes. Eel resisted the urge to flatten a tuft of bedhead sticking up at the side of his head.

"You're in my way, baby girl," he said, his early-morning voice deep and scratchy.

"Then get out of mine," Eel retorted, avoiding a grin by taking a bite of her tortilla. She pressed her hand, fisted around the shovel, into the spot she kicked the night before and pushed him aside.

As they walked to where Ida stood, Gill glanced over their shoulders at the boys. "You have to admit Squid's actually pretty cute."

Eel swallowed too soon, the ball of tortilla dragging painfully slow down her esophagus. She understood perfectly well what Gill was doing, and she wasn't going to fall for it.

Gill's hatred for Squid had always outweighed any semblance of a friendship she shared with Eel. As the group's leader, she made sure everyone in the tent was loyal to her, and hated Squid. While Eel wasn't interested in humoring her, she feigned disgust at the mention of his name to keep up appearances. They had a deal, after all.

"I don't, really," she said, darting through Gill's trap. She wiped her hand off on the leg of her jumpsuit, the dust covering the remaining residue and neutralizing the stickiness.

"Imagine the hate sex, though," Gill continued. "I bet that would be hot as hell." Eel frowned, slanting a glance in Hollywood's direction.

"If you keep talkin', I will vomit all over you," she said as they came to a stop in front of Ida. "Hey, Blondie, when are y'all gonna get the point and stop stickin' us with D-Tent?"

Ida sighed and tucked her clipboard under her arm. She reached out at patted Eel's shoulder.

"Oh, Lily," she said, her smile forced, "I better not catch you fighting today." She squeezed Eel's shoulder until it hurt. "You girls wait here, and Dr. Pendanski will be here in a few minutes to show you where to do. Oh, and _Eel_? You and Squid will be serving your punishment in the kitchens tonight." She brushed past Eel and Gill, and said a charming hello to the rest of group H as they approached.

"If anyone in this camp needs counselling, it's that crazy-ass woman," Gill said, her face puckering with distaste.

Eel snorted. After being at camp for seven months, she had grown accustomed to Ida's mood swings and back-handed comments. The woman had worse control issues that X-Ray, but she was easy to handle if they kept in line. Not that she wasn't completely harmless. Any one of Group H's girls could have snapped her like a twig.

"Howdy there, girls!" Dr. Pendanski called. He looked just as cheerful as he did every day, which make Eel want to hit him with a shovel. "How about I show you where you and the boys will be digging today?" He said it like that had a choice.

They didn't.

Slinging her shovel across her shoulders, Eel followed Pendanski out onto the lake. The dry crust of the desert cracked beneath her boots. Golden light, peaking at the campers over the horizon, shined into her eyes. She was already sweating in her jumpsuit.

Smiling, Pendanski marked the spot for her to dig. He moved off to instruct the other campers.

Eel drove her shovel into the earth. She could still remember the first month at Camp Green Lake, when the ground resisted her shovel. She had never really been weak, but the large tool was foreign to her hands. Now, the dirt was at her mercy. Her movements were practiced instead of clumsy. The cracked earth obeyed her command.

Taking a slow sip of water, she stared at the clouds that darkened the mountains. Rain hadn't graced her skin in a long time.

Slanting her head back, she closed her eyes and tried to remember the feeling of rain. Rain in the Texas spring, beating down on her face and neck, the warm humidity wrapping her in petrichor. Rain at football games, falling to the stadium with a wind chill and gleaming under the Friday night lights as she wrapped herself up in blankets and ponchos. She could almost hear Katie and Melina laughing on either side of her, she could almost see their pink noses and foggy breath.

But when she opened her eyes, all she saw was the desert. The lonely, dry desert where it never rained.

Dropping her canteen onto the ground, she picked her shovel back up. She scooped out another shovelful of dirt.

* * *

As the heat of the afternoon grew stronger, the jumpsuits became harder to bear. Eel shed the top half of her suit, letting it dangle at her hips. Sweat soaked through her t-shirt, showing off a very unflattering sports bra. The boys didn't look anyway.

She took a short break, sinking into the small amount of shade her hole provided. Her hole was nearly done, only a foot and a half left to go.

She thought back to when she had first arrived, when she struggled to drag herself out of bed and get to work. Those first weeks were long and arduous, her body aching for more rest and cooler temperatures. She hadn't expected her hands to blister so bad – she had always had rough and calloused hands from weightlifting and softball and robotics – yet sure enough, by the time the water truck came, there were bleeding bumps on her hands the size of dimes.

But the blisters eventually calloused over, and her sleep schedule shifted, and her muscles stopped screaming whenever she picked up a shovel. She couldn't tell when she had started to get stronger. The days at Camp Green Lake were repetitive and uninteresting, blurring together into a very dull montage of digging, eating, pool, and generally hating life.

Eel paused, picking up her canteen. A strange noise carried over the surrounding dirt piles. She poked her head out of her hole and peeked into the next one, her scowl dropping in confusion.

Barfbag was crying.

Glancing around the surrounding area, Eel made sure no one else watched as she hoisted herself out of her hole and crawled army-style to Barfbag's hole. She took cover behind a dirt pile and stared down at Barfbag.

Now, if this was anyone else, Eel wouldn't have bothered with discretion. She would have pointed him out to everyone and laughed. But this was Barfbag, and they went back.

Back when they were Lily and Lewis, they had attended the same high school. Lewis was a year ahead of her in school, so they hadn't known each other well, although they were friendly in the few classed they had shared.

Despite her shock and annoyance of him being placed in Tent D, she had been pleased to see him, nearly tackling him to the ground in a hug. She'd missed her hometown and her friends more than anything, and seeing him there brought back so many good memories. The friendship they hadn't been able to kindle in school finally sparked to life. Eel knew to count her lucky stars every time they hung out – not everyone had the luxury of familiarity here.

"Hey, Barfbag," she hissed. She felt like they were back in school, whispering across the aisle so their teaching wouldn't notice them cheating. He gave a start, his hat almost falling off when he looked at her. "Are you okay?" Tears tracked down his cheeks, parting the caked-on layers of dirt.

"I'm fine," he said, his voice going gruff. Ducking his head, he picked up his shovel and turned away.

"Barfbag," she insisted, reaching out to catch his sleeve.

He slapped her hand away. "Go back to your hole, Lily," he told her. He took a handful of dirt and rubbed in on his face.

She shimmied back to her spot and leaned against the wall of her hole, absently fiddling with the button on her bracelet. "I'm sorry, Lewis," she said. She didn't know what for. Just knowing he was upset filled her with guilt.

Twenty minutes later, she nearly finished her hole. Just as she started to widen out the base, she heard shouting behind her.

Barfbag stood above everyone, missing a boot and sock. He slid is foot along the ground, extended out in front of him. A rattlesnake sat a few feet in front of him, coiled angrily.

A chill ran up her spine when she realized what he planned to do. Her voice joined Group D's as they called out his name. "Barfbag!" She scrambled out of her hole, bounding towards him.

A hand on her arm pulled her to a sudden stop. Squid forced her to face him and glared down at her. "You're just gonna get bit too," he snarled.

Eel disregarded him, wrenching herself from his hold, whirling around just in time to watch the rattlesnake strike at Barfbag's foot.

Barfbag threw his head back, a shriek bursting from his mouth. Blood dripped from his foot, staining the ground a dark burgundy.

As the rattlesnake wound itself up for another attack, Eel grabbed Barfbag by the back of the shirt and hauled him backwards. He was clumsy in his agony, tumbling to the ground and pulling Eel with him.

"Alan!" Eel cried out, her eyes on the rattlesnake as she wrapped her hands around Barfbag's bicep.

"C'mon," Squid said, appearing at Barfbag's other side. Together, they pulled Barfbag out of range of the rattlesnake.

Zigzag killed the snake. It didn't even see him sneaking up from behind. He drove the point of his shovel straight into the rattler's neck, cleaving the head clean off.

Karate shouted that she would get help. She ran faster than anyone at camp. Nobody argued.

"Squid, we've gotta get him back to camp," Eel said, pulling Barfbag's arm over her shoulders and tucking a hand under his knee.

Squid mirrored her movements. Barfbag wasn't that big, mostly tall, and they hoisted him off the ground. They couldn't move faster than Karate, but if they could intercept whoever came back, it would still be quicker that staying put.

Eel tapped Barfbag's side when she noticed his eyes close. "Come on, Barfbag, don't go to sleep. We're gonna get you help, you're gonna be fine."

"You know my name, Lils," he mumbled, his eyes swollen and red from crying.

"Okay, Lewis," Eel said. "Stay with me, Lewis. You're gonna be okay."

They met Mr. Sir and Pendanski in the water truck halfway to camp. They got him into the passenger's seat and Mr. Sir made a U-turn and headed straight back into camp. Pendanski stayed behind with Eel and Squid and to figure out what happened. They told him. He assured them that Lewis would be going straight to the emergency room.

"I'm proud of you both," he said, a cautious smile on his face. "Today, you both set aside your differences and worked together to help a friend out. It's the first step in the right direction." He walked back to camp, leaving the pair staring after him.

Eel couldn't breathe. Every time she blinked, her vision spun and her head throbbed. A wave a nausea squeezed her stomach and up her esophagus. She doubled over, hands over her mouth.

"Eel."

She stumbled over to the nearest hole, landing on her hands and knees as she vomited straight into the pit. It was mostly water, but it still burned her throat coming up. She hovered over the hole a moment, trying to regain her sense. Her head felt heavy – it leaned downward, pulling her entire body into the hole.

"Goddammit, Eel, you idiot." Squid grabbed her under the armpits before she could fall and stood her back on her feet. He shoved something into her hands. "Here. And don't put your mouth on it."

"Thanks." Eel took his canteen. She rinsed her mouth out with the first mouthful, and swallowed the second. The sting in her throat eased a little, but was still uncomfortable.

"We should've named you Barfbag," Squid said, taking back his canteen.

Choosing not to reply, Eel turned and started walking back out to the desert.

"Where're you going?" Squid called.

"I didn't finish my hole," she said over her shoulder.

"I'm sure they're not gonna notice if you skip it."

She ignored him.

Most, if not all, of the campers had already started walking back to camp by the time she got back to her hole. The area Group D and H had covered was abandoned.

The rattlesnake had been disposed of. Eel stared at the drops of blood on the ground. Lewis's screams still rang in her ears. A shudder ran through her spine and her eyes burned.

A few feet away, Lewis's bucket hat lay on the ground, trampled on and dirtied. She picked it up and slapped some of the dust off. She sat down in her hole, her knees against her chest.

The ache in her chest was reminiscent of the day she left her home. Everything she knew and loved had been torn from her and dangled over her head, and matter how high she jumped, she was always short of catching.

Lewis had been her lifeline, a reminder of the home she longed to return to. Now she felt like the rug had been pulled from under her and she had broken her bones with the fall.

This was her fault, she realized, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Only she had known Lewis was crying. Something was obviously wrong, and she didn't try to help him. She should've kept an eye on him. She could have prevented this.

Her guilt swallowing her whole, she pressed her face into Lewis's hat and sobbed. She stayed like that for a few minutes, rocking back and forth, shaking.

Finally, she put her hands down. She put the hat on and rubbed dirt on her wet face. Two holes weren't finished.

Picking up her shovel, she removed the dirt that remained at the base of the hole. She got out and spat in. Lewis's shovel and canteen were still in the hole when she slid in. His hole still had a bit of work. Ignoring the tightness of her muscles, she dug the hole another half a foot deep and then scraped out the bits on the side.

When she finished, she tossed Lewis's shovel and canteen up onto regular ground. A hand appeared in front of her face, startling her so bad she flattened herself against the wall of the hole.

"What're you doin' here?" she asked Squid suspiciously. Had he seen her crying? Quickly regaining her composure, she grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her out of the hole.

"I forgot my shovel," he said, tapping the shaft of the shovel he had across his shoulders. He watched her as she uncapped Lewis's canteen and held it over the hole. "You gonna waste all that water?"

"He's gotta spit in his hole when he finishes," Eel said, her voice cracking. She turned over the canteen and watched with itchy eyes as the water drained into the hole. She tried to ignore Squid's overt gaze burning into the side of her head.

"You couldn't have stopped him," Squid told her, taking the empty canteen from her hands. "He's been cryin' in his sleep the last few days." His brown eyes were soft as he stared down at her. A chunk of her dark hair had come loose from her braid. He reached up and slid a finger over her bare shoulder, pushing her hair to the other side of her body.

Chewing on her lip, Eel caught his hand as it moved back over her skin. His fingers intertwined with hers for a moment. He squeezed lightly before letting go.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Eel lied. "C'mon. We better get back to camp." She picked up Lewis's shovel and her own. She and Squid walked back to camp together in silence. Neither spoke until they reached the library.

"Are you gonna do your punishment in the kitchen tonight?" Squid asked.

"No," Eel said, shaking her head. She knew putting it off would just increase the amount of her punishment, but, after the day she'd had, working in a hot, smelly kitchen was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Me either." He stared down at her for a moment, chewing on his toothpick. "Take a shower, baby girl, you look like shit."

"Fuck off."

The cold stream of the shower hid the tears gushing from her eyes. She tilted her head up, letting her open mouth fill with water, wishing she could just give a single sharp inhale and drown herself.

When the water sputtered to a stop, she dried herself and dressed, leaving her towel over her shoulders to catch the dripping water. She turned on the only sink in the shower complex, shoving Barfbag's hat under the faucet. She rubbed away the dirt and grime until it was back to it's regular, sweat stained khaki.

Still blinking away tears, she left the complex. Her vision was so fuzzy that she nearly ran into someone as she rounded the corner.

Zigzag grabbed her shoulders before they could collide, twisting them in a circle as their momentum faded. "Watch out there, girl," he said, a wild smirk on his lips.

"Sorry, Zig," Eel said, pushing damp hair from her face. She cleared her through to remove the scratchiness in her voice. "I wasn't payin' attention." She was glad it was Zigzag and not some other guy. Especially Squid.

Even with the Tent D and H feud, Zigzag and Eel had managed to remain friends. Most of their interactions weren't in front of other people, so Gill knew nothing about it. Occasionally, Eel and Barfbag would sit in the Wreck Room and watch TV with him, but no one thought anything of it.

"Have you been cryin'?" Zigzag asked, squinting to inspect her face. "You have."

"It's nothin'," she said. She folded her work suit into a small rectangle and tucked it under her armpit. "Just PMS, is all." She forced a small laugh out, but the humor didn't reach her face.

"It ain't," he said. "You worried about Barfbag?" He knew they had been friends in high school, but they didn't talk much about their old lives around him. He spotted them constantly hanging out together – not even Gill tried to end their friendship.

Nothing got past Zigzag. Eel had figured that out long ago, and she chastised herself for thinking she could lie right to his face. His electric blue eyes pierced right through her excuses, seeing and understanding exactly what went on in her head.

"C'mon, let's hang out," Zigzag said, scooping an arm around her waist and pulling her along towards the tent. "You can talk to me. I won't tell."

"Okay," Eel agreed, her voice thick.

* * *

Oh boy. If you have made it this far into the fic, thank you for reading and let me know what you thought! ;p


	3. Chapter 3

Three days after the Barfbag incident, Eel, Gill, and Karate could be found on the porch of the Wreck Room, playing Go Fish.

Since Barfbag had been admitted to the hospital, the boys of Group D had been digging a seventh hole. Somehow, until they got another tentmate, they were responsible for picking up Barfbag's slack.

Upon being told by Gill, Eel forced a snicker as they stared X-Ray down on his way to the showers. It was unfair, Eel had to admit. Group H only had six girls, but they had never been expected to dig a seventh hole. She supposed Mr. Sir was the one who suggested it – everyone knew he hated D-Tent more than all the other groups combined.

Eel sighed, wishing she could hang out with Zigzag. Unfortunately, the D-Tent boys were still out on the lake digging the seventh hole. Without Barfbag it didn't matter anyway.

Though she pretended she didn't care, Barfbag's absence affected Eel greatly. He was one of the few things in the desert that she had to remind her of home. Even if they hadn't been close in school, looking at him brought back memories of less shitty times (especially air-conditioned ones).

Because she had known him for so long, he was the only male in the entire camp that Gill didn't mind her hanging out with. Eel had grown accustomed to their daily encounters, whether they were eating lunch together, or playing pool, or watching TV with Zigzag. Now she didn't have an excuse to avoid Gill during free time, and she couldn't even hang out with Zigzag now.

Which explained how she ended up playing the dumbest card game to ever exist with her.

"Do you have any threes?" Gill asked Eel.

Shuffling through her small collection of cards, Eel shook her head. She was having no luck with this game. Both Karate and Gill had twice as many pairs as she did.

"You _can't have_ any threes! I have _four_ threes!" Karate protested.

Rolling her eyes, Eel glanced across the table and snorted. "And two of them are hearts." The game was even dumber when none of the decks matched.

"Dammit," Gill snarled. "Why can't anyone put these back in the right fucking deck?" All three girls groaned and tossed their cards into the center.

As Eel gathered them into one pile, Karate sat up and pointed to the road. "There's a bus."

Eel turned in her chair, staring into the dust cloud that rose in the distance, barely able to see the disgusting yellow dinosaur. She recalled overhearing Mr. Sir telling Ida the night before that the seventh cot in Tent H needed to be filled soon.

"You think it's Barfbag coming back?" Gill asked, looking across the table at Eel.

Tugging at the button on her bracelet, Eel shrugged. She didn't know what made her stomach squirm worse: the thought of Barfbag being so badly injured that he couldn't return, or the thought of having to face him again. But when the bus finally reached the faculty building, two inmates stepped off, escorted by a cop, and neither of them were Barfbag.

With a red cap covering the top of his curly hair, a tall and wide white boy squinted as he looked around the camp for the first time. A thin black girl with shock of dyed orange hair followed him into the faculty building. Eel grimaced as Gill smirked. No doubt the newcomers were receiving the customary warning about lizards, running away, and sex.

Several minutes later, the cop that accompanied the delinquents climbed back onto the bus and the bus peeled away from Camp Green Lake. Three figures paraded through the risen dust and trooped towards the Wreck Room. Eel recognized the hat leading the pack and groaned when Dr. Pendanski spotted the H-Tent girls.

Waving to catch the girls' attention, he hurried over to the porch with the two new inmates following.

"Just the girls I was looking for," he exclaimed, his grin spreading his sunscreen-slathered nose wide. "Ladies, meet your new tentmate, Alex." He motioned to the girl. "Alex, this is Lily, Sophia, and Ava." He pointed to each girl as he said their real names, disregarding the indignant looks he received. "Ava is the newest member of H-Tent, after you, of course, Alex, so she can be your mentor."

"Please, ignore him," Gill snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "Those are not our names. I'm Gill. This is Eel and Karate."

Shaking his head, Pendanski motioned for the girls to follow him. "Come, girls, you can help Alex get settled." Eel, Gill, and Karate begrudgingly joined the party as they continued their trek towards the tents.

"You, Stanley, will be in Tent D," Pendanski said, regaining his fake cheerfulness. "D stands for 'diligence'."

"More like 'douchebag'," Gill said, loud enough for Pendanski to hear. Stanley looked uncomfortable to be anywhere near her.

"What does H stand for?" Karate whispered to Eel, who shrugged.

"The girls in Tent H have a bit of a rivalry with Tent D," he explained to Stanley. "Rex! Alan! Come say hello to Stanley and Alex."

Eel wrinkled her nose as X-Ray and Squid approached, still covered in dirt and sweat from digging. Next to her, Gill tapped her foot impatiently.

"What's happenin' with Barfbag?" Squid asked, a toothpick sticking out from his mouth. The shirt wrapped around his head flapped against his neck in the light breeze.

Pendanski's face turned sympathetic as the boys and girls stared at him expectantly. "Lewis is still in the hospital. He won't be returning."

Eel glared at the ground, knowing a few pairs of eyes had fixed on her – the only person Barfbag had really been friends with. She had taken to wearing his hat while she dug. But it was only fabric, and it couldn't replace a human being.

Gesturing to the new kids, Pendanski barreled straight over the awkward silence. "This is Stanley and Alex," he said. "Stanley will be with you boys in Tent D. Alex will be joining your friends in Tent H (X-Ray shot him a withering expression, but Pendanski ignored him). This is Alan and this is Rex." Squid squinted at him.

"My name ain't Alan, it's Squid," he protested. "This is X-Ray."

Pendanski force a smile. "They all have their nicknames. However, I prefer to use the names their _parents_ gave them – the names that society will recognize them by."

The collective grunts of the campers earned them a stern look from Pendanski.

"Good God, I've had enough of this," Gill said. She nudged Alex's shoulder. "C'mon, we'll show you were you'll sleep."

Eel silently elected to stay behind, watching with little interest as X-Ray pushed Stanley into Tent D and Pendanski followed. Only Squid remained, staring at her with a raised eyebrow.

She stepped up to him, her hand shooting up and knocking his hat off. Dust billowed from his head and she noticed the solid line of dirt coating him from the ears down.

A smug smirk curling her mouth, she patted his shoulder. "Enjoy your shower, _Alan_ ," she whispered. She shouldn't have called him by his first name, but she just couldn't resist. She liked the way it twisted with her accent and rolled off her tongue as if she'd said it a million times before.

He caught her by the waist, pulling her close enough to press their torsos together. "Careful," he said warningly. "Someone might think you're flirtin' with me."

Snickering, she reached up and rubbed some of the dirt from his mouth, revealing pink lips and freckled skin. "Only in your dreams," she muttered, squirming out of his grasp.

"Wouldn't you know?" he called after her.

She snorted she rounded the corner, giving him a last glimpse of her flipping him off. He was such an asshole.

Karate was busy getting Alex settled and Gill had left to find Hollywood, so Eel, reduced to boredom, sat on the steps of the tent, throwing pebbles across the cracked earth. She felt like a neglected child that no one wanted to play with. With Barfbag gone, there were very little activities to entertain her.

"What are you doing?"

Eel squinted as she looked up, realizing Hollywood and Gill had returned and were staring at her. "Nothin'," she said, scattering the remainder of her pebbles across the ground.

Hollywood sat next to her on the steps while Gill remained standing.

"What d'you want?" Eel said, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Hollywood was giving her the pout that she only used before she begged her to do something.

"Tomorrow night, some girls from J-Tent want us three to come hang out in the Wreck Room after lights out," Hollywood said. "Will you please come with me and Gill?"

"Who all will be there?" Eel asked, sensing that they wouldn't take no for an answer.

"They said there would be some guys from A and C, and a few more girls," said Hollywood. "I think Bluff, because they wanted to play poker."

Eel hid her surprise by averting her gaze. Gill hated the boys, so why did she want to hang out with them? She stared across the dried lake, her nose scrunching as the sun burned her eyes. "Good luck findin' a complete deck of cards," she said. "I'll go, I guess. What time?"

"One-thirty."

"Do you know how to play poker?" Eel asked as Hollywood got up and walked towards the Wreck Room.

"Nope," Gill grinned.

* * *

a/n: Well, there's the third chapter! It's a little short with not much going on because I didn't want the next chapter to be super long. But dear goodness I live for the moments that Squid and Eel are cute together and not trying to beat each other up.

Thank you so much for reading, & please leave me a review; it's really important for me to have feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

At one-twenty-five, Eel and Hollywood crept out of the tent. They left their boots at their bedsides so they wouldn't wake their tentmates. At night, shoes weren't necessary. The ground was cool without the sun and didn't have many rocks. The only real worry was yellow-spotted lizards, but they usually kept to the lake, burrowing into the holes left behind by campers.

Waiting for them at the door were Lucky and Rocky, from Tent J, who greeted them cheerfully as they hurried inside. About a dozen campers were there, sitting in a circle arranged with the broken couches and chairs.

Not exactly a set up for poker, Eel realized, meeting Hollywood's blank face with an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

Gill was already there, sitting at a couch with Bluff from Tent A. Hollywood took the spot next to Gill, so Eel sat in the armchair next to them.

As she turned to say hello to her neighbor, she noticed who was sitting opposite of her. Squid. Fantastic.

Biting back a nasty sneer, she slumped into her seat. She should have realized he would have been invited. For some reason, girls thought he was attractive, which made him ridiculously popular.

As if sensing her staring, he glanced across the room at her. He squinted at her for a moment, the end of his toothpick jolting as he twirled it around his tongue, before flipping her the bird. Then he went back to his conversation with Hobbit.

"Idiot," Eel muttered, rolling her eyes. He was an asshole.

"Who's an idiot?"

Eel turned to The Lump, who was sitting next to her. "No one," she said. He wasn't a complete idiot – he could figure it out on his own.

He shrugged. "Heard you got in a pretty bad fight earlier," he said.

"It wasn't bad," Eel said, frowning. Squid had taken the last juice box when she knew the bastard had already gotten his, so she had retaliated. Beneath her t-shirt, she had two nasty bruises on her ribcage, but she had been victorious in prying the box from his outstretched hand.

"You're lucky the Warden doesn't care about you two," The Lump stated. "I bet if it was anyone else, we'd be on cleaning crew for three weeks."

Eel ignored him, electing to watch Rocky approach. He was right, of course. The more she and Squid fought, the less they were punished.

"We can't find a complete deck of cards," Rocky said to the group, mock disappointment on her face. "Strip poker's a no-go."

Rolling her eyes, Eel crossed her arm over her chest. Half of the campers weren't even wearing shirts. Gill was in a sports bra and pajama shorts, for goodness sake.

"Look, guys, I found this bottle," Lucky said, popping up from the pool tables. She held an empty coke bottle in her hand triumphantly. Eel's eyes narrowed as she recognized it as one of Mr. Sir's. How could they have found that in the Wreck Room?

"We could play truth or dare!" Lucky suggested, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Snorting, Eel turned towards Hollywood. "I feel like I'm in middle school again," she commented, remembering the last truth or dare she had been involved in. She had been in seventh grade, and one of the eighth-grade boys dared her to run three blocks with a pair of boxers on her head.

"Bet she's been planning for truth or dare this entire time," Gill said, leaning around Hollywood. The three girls snickered as the group moved onto the floor so they could reach the bottle easier.

Since Lucky found the bottle, she got to spin first. It landed on Hobbit, from Tent C. He was small, shorter than many of the girls, and had thick hair that coated his entire body. Eel had no idea who at Camp Green Lake could have possibly read _the Hobbit_ (she had read the first chapter and promptly gave up), but she had to admit it was a fitting nickname. Someone from his tent must have been a huge bookworm, because one of his tentmates went by Ponyboy.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Glancing around the room, Lucky giggled. "I dare you…" Her eyes fell on Eel. Eel violently shook her head. Lucky frowned but moved on. "I dare you to lick the inside of Lump's bellybutton."

Looking genuinely horrified, The Lump pulled up his shirt so Hobbit could complete his dare. Completely disgusted, Eel stared straight at Hollywood, whose gaze never left hers either.

Still rubbing his tongue on his shirt, Hobbit spun. It landed on Gill. "Truth or dare?" She picked dare. He glanced between the three girls that sat together, his eyebrows pulling together as he thought of a dare. "Make out with Hollywood."

Expecting as much, Hollywood leaned over and kissed Gill. Eel averted her gaze, knowing they would make sure the others could see tongue. They did it so comfortably that Eel suspected that hadn't been the first time they had kissed.

As she tried to look anywhere but her tentmates, she met Squid's gaze. Sticking his tongue out, he pointed his finger at his mouth and pretended to gag. She grinned back at him, unable to stop the quiet laughter that shook her chest for a moment.

Gill sat back, a smug look on her face. As she wiped smeared lip balm away with her fingers, she spun the bottle.

"Rocky, truth or dare?"

The J-Tent girl hesitated. "Truth," she said slowly. Eel could tell she was nervous about which to pick. Gill had no shame, and both her truths and dares could end up horrible.

Gill scoffed, leaning her back against the sofa. "Wow, boring," she said, shaking her head. She thought for a moment. "Have you masturbated anytime at Green Lake?" Rocky turned pink and nodded.

When the mouth of the bottle pointed straight at Eel, her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Truth or dare?" Rocky asked.

"Uh, dare," Eel said without thinking. She immediately regretted her decision.

"Okay…" Rocky stared at her, her head tilting as she plotted her dare.

"You shoulda picked truth," Hollywood teased in a low voice.

"Eel, I dare you to give Lump a lap dance."

"What?" Eel shook her head, her hair starting to loosen from her braid. "Fuck no. That is not happenin'."

The Lump pretended to be nice to the girls, but they all knew he was batshit crazy; the thought of flaunting her rear in his face was horrifying and gross. Eel was quickly realizing agreeing to coming to this game was the second worst decision she had ever made.

"Why not?" Rocky pouted.

"I've never given anyone a lap dance in my life," Eel sputtered. She doubted any of the other girls had either.

"And here I thought you were arrested for prostitution," Squid said, grinning as the group's attention snapped to him.

"Oh, fuck off, Squid," Eel sneered. She didn't need him encouraging them.

"God, you're such a virgin," Gill scoffed.

"Thanks for your help, Gill," Eel said, her chest burning with annoyance. Why were they making fun of her? There was no way she was the only virgin the entire camp.

"Okay, fine, I'll give you a different dare," Rocky said. "But you have to do one of the two." Eel reluctantly nodded in agreement. "I dare you to sit on Squid's lap for the rest of the game."

Rubbing her hand over her face, she muttered a string of swears that were foreign to her ears, yet familiar on her tongue. It was rare for her to speak the Spanish she learned from her mother. She had never been able to pick up the language was well as her older brother, but the swear words stuck like glue to the roof of her mouth, sliding off her tongue in infrequent moments of sheer panic.

Both of her options were shit and she would rather walk into a hole full of yellow-spotted lizards than do either. Glancing around, she met Squid's unreadable expression.

Biting her lip, she reviewed the choices. She could do something very gross and sexual with someone that would probably enjoy it way too much, or she could do something that would be equally unenjoyable for both participants. As much as she hated him, she was leaning heavily towards Squid's dare. A lap dance was too far out of her comfort zone and she did not want The Lump looking at her in that way.

Still swearing under her breath, she shuffled on her hands and knees across the floor and came to a stop in front of Squid. His legs were both bent, his elbows on his knees, so for her to sit there, he would have to move.

While the rest of the group howled with laughter at her decision, Squid stared silently at her, his eyes narrowed as he tried to comprehend why she had picked this dare.

"Please," she whispered, barely audible over the others.

He raised an eyebrow, but flattened his legs against the ground.

Red rising on her cheeks, she awkwardly crawled onto his lap. Thankfully, he seemed to be keeping his hands to his self and was letting her get situated on her own.

"Eel, it's your turn to spin," Rocky said, cackling as she rolled the bottle closer.

Eel spun it quickly and it landed on The Lump. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Ummm." Eel hadn't expected anyone to pick truth, and hadn't really thought of any questions to ask.

Next to her, Hickey tapped her shoulder. "I know one!" She leaned over Squid so she could whisper in Eel's ear.

"That's gross," Eel protested. The people she was playing with were insane.

"As if you could come up with anything better," she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. As her nickname would suggest, she had a small hickey peeking out from under the collar of her shirt.

"Fine," Eel said. "How big is your dick?" Hickey nudged her. She sighed, burying her head in her hands. "While erect?" She didn't want to play anymore. Covering her ears, she blocked out his answer and most of the laughter that followed.

When The Lump finally spun the bottle, she dropped her hands into her lap and watched the game. There was no way Gill would let her leave now that she had already been dared.

After a few minutes, Squid tapped her thigh. "Hey, um, I'm gonna need you to adjust," he said quietly.

Twisting her torso to face him, Eel regarded the look on his face with a raised eyebrow. "What're you…?" Her eyes widened as she realized there was something poking her rear. How had she not noticed it before now? "Oh, my God, Squid," she hissed. "Do you seriously have a boner right now?" She tried not to draw more attention to them – they were already in a very humiliating situation as is.

"It's not on purpose," he said, his own face growing red. "Your ass is right up against it."

"You're so fucking gross," she whined quietly.

He glared at her. "It's not like that," he said. "Sometimes it just fuckin' happens for no reason when something touches it. You're the one that sat here. It's your fault."

"I'm so sorry I didn't want to give someone a lap dance," she muttered bitterly. She didn't want to sit on his lap, but she wanted to keep her dignity.

He sighed, momentarily leaning his forehead against her shoulder in defeat. "It's fine," he said, slipping his hand under her thigh. "Just, um… Just turn this way some… Yeah, and scoot that way."

With a hand on her back and another on under her leg, he guided her into a position that wouldn't be so uncomfortable for the pair of them. Grimacing apologetically, he shoved a hand between them and hide his penis in the gap between her thigh and the floor.

"Guess it doesn't help you wore basketball shorts," Eel teased, pinching a bit of thin mesh between her fingers.

"I'm sure if I'da known what was gonna happen, I would've picked somethin' else to wear," he said. He still hadn't moved his hand from her leg, but Eel didn't really mind.

"Hey, when y'all are done flirting, it's Squid's turn," Lucky called.

Eel looked around, seeing the bottle pointed straight at them. "How do y'all know who it's pointed at?" she asked.

Lucky shrugged. "Y'all're just gonna have to take turns," she said. "You've already gone, so it's his turn." She looked at Squid expectantly. "Truth or dare?" She and Rocky started giggling.

"Dare," Squid said, shooting them an uncertain look.

Between fits of giggles, Lucky manages to squeal out a response. "I dare you… to grope Eel's boob… underneath her bra…"

"Why do all y'all's dares need someone else to participate?" Eel demanded. Most of them would have ended sooner if they didn't have to wait on the second person to do their part.

Hickey rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Little Miss Virgin," she scolded. "Surely you're curious what someone touching you feels like."

"Not really," Eel said, feeling like her whole head would explode at any moment.

"Bullshit," Rocky said, pointing an accusing finger at Eel. "You're so full of it."

"Just let him grab your tit," Hollywood chimed in.

Eel swallowed, facing Squid slowly. They weren't giving her a choice in the matter. As much as she hated it, she had to admit she'd prefer Squid over the other perverts in the room. He didn't like her anyway, so he couldn't take it the wrong way.

"Just get it over with," she said, letting her arms fall limp at her sides.

He studied her a for a moment, looking as if he might protest. "I'll do it fast," he promised, his fingers trailing towards the hem of her t-shirt.

Nodding, Eel sucked in a sharp breath as a calloused hand slid across her torso. His hand – the hand that had put them there – brushed over the bruises on her ribcage and she flinched back.

Pushing under the barrier of fabric and underwire, Squid cupped her breast. He was surprisingly warm against her, but then gone in the next second, his fingers leaving a fiery path across her skin. As his pulled his hand from her bra, his index finger stroked across her nipple.

Nearly letting out a startled screech, Eel slammed her fist into his bicep, forcing his arm out of her shirt.

"Stop touchin' me," she sneered, her entire body burning with irritation and humiliation. The others had seen enough and she didn't want this to last longer than necessary.

"Spin the bottle for me," he said through gritted teeth.

She leaned towards the middle of the circle, wishing she could put at least twenty feet of distance between them.

The bottle landed on Hobbit again. Squid dared him to lick The Lump's bellybutton again. Her arms crossed over her chest, Eel watched the game progress, hating that she was constantly aware of Squid sitting beneath her.

"Ponyboy…" Hickey was saying, tapping her finger on her chin. "I dare you to lick Gill's armpit."

Eel gagged, unable to contain her shudder. If there was one thing she was glad about, it was that no one had dared her to lick someone else's gross body part.

Looking green in the face, Ponyboy crouched into the middle of the circle to spin the bottle.

"Shit," Eel said, realizing it was pointing at her and Squid, and it was her turn.

"Truth or dare, Eel," Ponyboy prompted.

Gill stared her down, challenging her to pick truth. Eel swallowed. If she picked truth, she'd look like a wimp.

"Dare," she said.

Bluff grabbed Ponyboy's shoulder, pulling him closer to whisper in his ear. A wicked grin spread across Ponyboy's face.

"I dare you to make out with Squid," he blurted out. "For a full minute."

"No," Eel said, the color draining from her face. This was exactly what she had been afraid of. As the other campers laughed and taunted them, she cursed herself for being too weak to say no. She had let her peers whittle away at her willpower, and now she was paying the price.

Squid's hand tightened on her thigh and she whirled around to gage his reaction. His jaw had clenched and his face darkened as he met her gaze.

The others urged them to hurry, which only seemed to make him angrier. They both knew they wouldn't be able to walk out without completing the dare.

"Just say no," she pleaded, knowing it was hopeless. Even he did, they would force them. But he could try, couldn't he?

"Look…" he said, loud enough to be heard over the raucous, quiet enough for only Eel to hear. "They're gonna make us do it… It's only for a minute…"

Panic swarmed at the back of her throat. He couldn't do this. _She_ couldn't do this.

"Chop, chop, Eel, we haven't got all night."

Shaking her head, she made a move to stand up, but Hobbit and Hickey each grabbed various body parts and held her down.

"Come on," Ponyboy scoffed. "I licked someone's armpit. You can kiss Squid."

"Get the fuck off me," she shouted, sending her foot straight into Hickey's collarbone. Squid was prying her loose from Hobbit, who had a hand wrapped in her braided hair.

When she was free, she scrambled away from the circle, wanting to put as much distance between herself and everyone else as she could. She had never felt so vulnerable when nobody was touching her.

"Don't be such a drama queen and sit the fuck down," Gill said, rolling her eyes.

"No thanks," Eel snapped, her jaw clenching.

"Oh, my God," Hickey exclaimed, her face lighting with a manic cackle. "I can't believe it. You've never kissed anyone, have you? That's why you won't do it."

"Little Virgin Mary's never kissed anyone before," Lucky said shrilly.

Even Gill and Hollywood joined in as the others taunted her, sending a pang of betrayal through her stomach. Through all the chaos and laughter, she found the familiar brown eyes, unchanged and indifferent, watching her. He was the last person she wanted to be humiliated in front of – he'd never let her live this down.

Turning on her heel, she stormed from the Wreck Room, letting the metal door clang behind her. She had no idea how neither counsellors or Mr. Sir hadn't heard them and come to catch them. Even as she passed the Mess Hall, she could still hear them.

She crept back into Tent H, wishing she hadn't even gotten out of her cot. As she pulled the covers over her head, she wiped away the angry tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes.

"I should set this place on fire too," she whispered into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

Zigzag wasn't crazy. He was perceptive.

D-Tent had come to realize it. Eel noticed it the day he met her.

Whenever he went quiet, most people thought he was talking to himself in his head, but he wasn't. He was just watching and listening.

He noticed things others didn't – patterns, habits, coincidences.

He figured out Squid dipped a day and a half into their friendship. It was rare to see someone constantly chewing on toothpicks and not have an addiction to tobacco.

He guessed Eel and Barfbag had met before when they confronted one another with the same puzzled look for the first time. He was quickly proven right when they started hugging.

He knew that Eel was anxious whenever she started fiddling with her macramé bracelet. He had a gut feeling that it had been a gift from the mysterious Katie that was only mentioned once in a blue moon.

He could tell that Caveman had never done anything wrong in his life. He could see it in people's eyes when they were putting on a show of innocence, he could _feel_ it. Caveman was a goody-goody in and out, right down to the last strand of peach fuzz on his chin.

And he could tell that Eel was not speaking to Gill and Hollywood, and that Squid was trying to get her attention without anyone noticing.

Of course, Zigzag noticed. He noticed everything, but he didn't count.

The pair of them were too obvious anyway. It was a miracle that no one else noticed them always staring at each other. While they were digging, in the Wreck Room, in the Mess Hall – it was constant.

Except for today.

Today, Eel didn't want to give anybody the time of day, including Squid. She kept Barfbag's hat low over her face, but he recognized the distinct wrinkle of her scrunched mouth she always did when she scowled.

She finished her hole faster than usual, waving curtly to Zigzag before trudging back to camp. Usually, she walked back with a tentmate, but she didn't even bother waiting for someone.

Readjusting his gloves, Zigzag started digging faster.

* * *

Sick of hearing the same album play repeatedly, Eel took apart the boom box that sat on a stool in the Wreck Room.

Ignoring the glares from the other inmates, she tossed various parts into piles at her feet. She had no plans of putting it back together, so none of the piles had a category. They wouldn't rat her out anyway. The Lump would just have to get his entertainment from somewhere else.

"Thank god," Zigzag said, flicking the television on. "I can't stand the Backstreet Boys." Stepping over the mess of circuit boards and colored wires, he plopped down next to her. He stretched an arm over the back of the couch, and she leaned the back of her neck against his bicep.

"I kinda liked them at one point," she said, tucking her screwdriver behind her ear. Securing the CD player between her thighs, she used both hands to pop off a plastic panel. "But then I had to hear 'em every day for eight months."

"Squid told me Rocky and Lucky were doing Truth or Dare last night," Zigzag said. Her glare deepening, Eel hummed in response. "Did you go to that too?" He already knew she did, but she always seemed to be more open when she was telling him.

"Yeah," she said, scowling. "But I shoulda just stayed in bed." Bitterness entangled her voice, momentarily distracting her and causing her to stab herself in the leg with her screwdriver. She hissed in annoyance, watching as blood oozed from the four-point incision on her thigh.

Clasping a hand over her shoulder, he pulled her into a one-armed hug. "What happened?" he asked.

She hesitated, twirling a loose wire around her finger. She turned to him, her glare shifting from frustration to curiosity. "Ricky, are you a virgin?" Her voice had lowered to nearly a whisper. She realized too late that she hadn't called him by his nickname. Usually, she referred to him as Ricky in her head, but called him Zigzag regularly. She wasn't sure how he would take it.

Zigzag blinked, his pale eyebrows raising in surprise. "Yes," he said, not bothering to comment on his name change. He didn't mind if she called him Ricky.

The corner of her mouth lifting, Eel relaxed her tense position, relieved that she wasn't the only one. She fixed her attention back on the CD player and jabbed her screwdriver in-between some bits of plastic. "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

"Have you seen me?" he asked, his electric blue eyes narrowing skeptically. "Girls don't usually like me." He didn't add that the feeling was generally mutual. The only girl he liked was Eel, but, even then, he couldn't find himself attracted to her.

" _I_ like you," Eel commented, pulling out another circuit board.

"Not enough to have sex with me," Zigzag said, snorting as she gave him a quick once-over. "I don't think I could even manage gettin' a kiss from you."

"Why? Because I'm a prude?" she asked bitterly.

Zigzag rolled his eyes. That wasn't what he meant, but leave it to Eel to derive a bad meaning from what he said. "I can think of one person you'd kiss and it sure as hell ain't me."

She exhaled sharply, a frown sinking on her face. "I don't wanna kiss anyone," she argued. "They tried to make me kiss Squid last night, which I guess woulda been alright if it wasn't my first."

"Why would you've been okay with that?"

"We don't like each other, remember?" Eel said. "He wouldn't get the wrong idea from it." She might have been thinking too highly of herself, but she didn't want people thinking she liked them if she kissed them. She didn't have to worry about it with Squid, which was why she had been fine with sitting in his lap and had allowed him to grope her.

"Right," Zigzag said, unsure if he understood her logic. "What all did you have to do last night?"

"Well…" Eel tucked her screwdriver behind her ear as she thought. "My first dare I got an option: give Lump a lap dance or sit on Squid's lap for the rest of the game."

Zigzag might have laughed if she didn't look so serious. They were good dares, but way too much for the modest, rural-grown Lily.

"I sat in his lap," she continued. She was now staring across the Wreck Room at Squid, who had entered minutes before and was standing with his back to the pair as he played pool with X-Ray. "Then, he got dared to grab my boob. Like, under clothes and everythin'."

"Wait, you let him fondle you, but you wouldn't kiss him?"

She shrugged. "I mean… There's usually, like, emotional shit goin' on when people kiss, right? It's different."

"I guess," Zigzag said, shrugging.

"You don't think so?" She was having a hard time convincing herself as well.

"Like I said, I've never kissed anyone," Zigzag said. Nor did he want to.

The loud chattering of several girls reached their ears. Eel peeked through her dark eyelashes at the group that entered the Wreck Room. Gill was at the lead, with Hollywood, Walker, and Catwoman following. They gathered around a poker able, tearing into a deck of cards.

"Shit," Eel hissed, ducking her head down. Gill was the last person she wanted to be around, and if she saw her with Zigzag… Well, it wouldn't end well. "I'll see you later, okay?"

He nodded, silently watching her shove bits of radio under the couch.

When the four girls turned their backs, she made a beeline for the door. She did not want to be involved in anymore of Gill and Hollywood's bullshit. Just as she reached the door, someone called her name. Grimacing, she spun around.

A toothpick between his teeth, Squid grinned at her. He leaned against the pool table, the top half of his jumpsuit dangling at his waist. Eel noted that his t-shirt was too small, although it didn't look that bad over his lean chest and arms.

"Come play pool with me, baby girl," he said, pointing a pool stick in her direction to back his offer.

Past him, she could see Gill and Hollywood looking in her direction. So close, dammit.

Rolling her eyes, she flipped him off. "Not in a million years, asshole," she said, resisting the urge to strangle him.

He snickered, unfazed as she stormed from the Wreck Room.

* * *

"Why was Squid talking to you in the Wreck Room?" Gill asked.

The table fell silent, waiting for Eel's reply. She shrugged, mutilating her bread with her spoon.

"I dunno," she said, glancing over Gill's shoulder at Squid, who was talking to Magnet. She could hear bits of Magnet's Spanish exclamations, but couldn't really decipher what they meant. "He probably just wanted to get on my nerves."

"What did he say?"

"He wanted me to play pool with him," Eel replied.

"What's wrong with that?" The entire table's attention flipped to Red (formerly known as Alex). "I mean, it was just pool."

"D-Tent guys are douchebags, that's what's wrong," Gill said, jerking her thumb in Group D's general direction. "We don't mess with them, got it?"

Red didn't look like she got it. Eel hid her smirk by shoving a piece of bread into her mouth.

After dinner, Eel slipped away from her group as they neared the tents. She needed time to herself – just a few minutes of silence so she could think.

As she passed behind the Wreck Room, she tried not to think about Barfbag. She had done a good job of keeping herself distracted, but she couldn't avoid it forever.

Even after several days, he was still a popular topic among the inmates. Everyone seemed interested in why he let a rattlesnake bite him, and either failed to notice or failed to care how uncomfortable the discussion would make Eel.

Certain that she could have stopped him from getting bitten, Eel hated herself for not trying harder to help him. She was his friend – if anyone could have saved him, it was her.

Despite Stanley's – _Caveman's_ – presence, she struggled to adjust to Barfbag's absence. He was a similar height, and sometimes she would turn to him, expecting a familiar face, only to find someone completely different.

Eel kicked a rock under Tent J. She didn't have long before Ida would come hunting her down.

As she neared the end of the row of tents, she heard voices from inside Tent L.

Tent L was the female counselors' tent, located at the back corner of the grid-like setup. Because of this, Eel found two things wrong with hearing voices from the tent. One, the counselors didn't have to go to bed at the same time as the campers, and would stay in the counselor's lounge building hours after lights out. Two, the voices were male.

Rolling her steps to avoid making loud noises, Eel crept over to the canvas wall that separated her and the intruders. Holding her breath, she listened for the voices again.

"…did you grope her?" a voice was saying. Eel exhaled sharply, realizing it was Zigzag.

"I don't know," said another voice. Eel was pretty sure it had to be Squid. She was also pretty sure they were talking about her. "I thought she would've said no, but she…"

Eel couldn't catch the last bit of his sentence, and she leaned closer to the tent, her ear barely brushing against the rough canvas.

"…they tried to make y'all kiss?" Zigzag was talking again.

Eel heard rustling, and suspected they were going through the counselors' possessions.

"Yeah," Squid replied. "Hickey and Hobbit tried holdin' her down. That bruise Hickey's got on her neck? That was Eel."

"Shit," Zigzag said, laughing. "But would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Would you have kissed her, if she let you?" Zigzag asked.

"No – fuck no," Squid said. He sounded annoyed. "I'd never…"

Not wanting to hear anymore, Eel backpedaled away from the tent. She didn't want to listen to him make fun of her. Shoving her hands into her pockets, she took off in the direction of Tent H.

She should have expected as much from him, but the anger tearing through her chest caught her by surprise.

"Asshole," she muttered to herself. God, she hated him so much.

* * *

The counselors at Camp Green Lake didn't have very more privileges than the inmates. They had their own version of the Wreck Room, which was only slightly less wrecked than the campers'. For their beds, they had an extra set of sets and two more blankets. They had to use the same showers, but they received tokens that allowed them to have ten-minute showers rather than four-minute showers.

Sometimes, Squid and Zigzag would sneak into the counselors' tents and dig around to find any shower tokens or loose change (not that they could use the money here).

Since Eel usually occupied Zigzag's time in the Wreck Room, this was the only time Squid could really talk to Zig. He didn't mind. He figured she needed a break from Gill anyway. Besides, nobody needed to know just how good of friends Squid and Zigzag were.

Squid had a few friends back home, but most of them were just people he could hang out with. Some of them were thugs. Some of them drug addicts. None of them gave a shit about anything real.

Zigzag didn't have anyone back home. Everyone at his school thought he was crazy, and his sentence to Green Lake only proved their suspicions. Squid had been the first person to ever think he was anything but crazy. Eel was the second.

As Squid rummaged through a counselor's cubby, Zigzag started asking him about Truth or Dare. It had only been earlier that day, but it felt like a lifetime ago.

"I didn't even know any of the girls would be there," Squid said, rubbing a hand over his face. "Bluff said we were just doing poker."

"They probably thought you wouldn't go if you knew there would be girls there," Zigzag commented.

"I wouldn't," Squid said, wrinkling his noise in disgust as he pulled his hand away from someone's bra. "All the girls here are either stupid as hell or psycho as hell."

Zigzag snickered. "Except for Eel," he said.

"She's her own brand of crazy," Squid muttered, fishing a handful of tokens from a bag of tampons.

"The kind you're into."

Squid grunted, pocketing his findings. "Yeah, when she's not caterin' to Gill's every whim."

"Eel told me about what happened," Zigzag said, sitting on a cot. "This mornin', I mean."

"I'll bet she did," Squid said, snorting. "She can't keep her mouth shut when it comes to you." He could tell how much Zigzag and Eel adored each other, at least platonically.

"So," Zigzag continued expectantly. "Why did you grope her?"

"I don't know." Squid shrugged, ducking his face behind what little hair he had. "I thought she would've said no, but she said to just get it over with."

"Then they tried to make y'all kiss?"

"Yeah." Squid ducked in front of another cubby, searching for more shower tokens. "Hickey and Hobbit tried holdin' her down." He turned to Zigzag for a second, motioning towards his chest. "That bruise Hickey's got on her neck? That was Eel."

Zigzag grinned. "Shit." He laughed a little. "But would you?"

Squid pretended he didn't understand. "Would I what?"

"Would have kissed her if she let you?" Zigzag asked, rolling his eyes at Squid feigning ignorance.

"No – fuck no." Squid's face hardened, wishing for the conversation to be over. "I'd never kiss her if she didn't want me to."

"Even if you were dared to?"

"She's never kissed anyone before."

"I know. She told me."

"Look," Squid said, scratching at his neck awkwardly. "I can't do that to her. If she ever kissed me, it can't be like that. You know, in front of everybody."

"Whoa, look at you, being all romantic and shit," Zigzag said. "It's fuckin' disgusting."

"You know what else is disgusting, Ziggy?" Squid whipped around, throwing a bra straight into Zigzag's face. "That is."


	6. Chapter 6

Eel groaned as the morning alarm went off. Feeling more fatigued than usual, she nearly knocked her head into Gill's as she pushed down her shorts.

"Watch it," Gill snapped, smacking a hand against Eel's shoulder, sending her toppling back into the bed. "Oh, shit. Sorry."

Eel stared up at her for a moment, eyes wide in surprise. They hadn't spoken in three days – since the game.

Suddenly, she grinned. She and Gill both started snickering.

In less than a few seconds, their silent argument was over, and they were friends again (sort of). In the three days that they hadn't spoken, the rest of Group H had been unsure of which girl they could speak to. So maybe they were better off in agreement.

"Didn't think you were such a klutz, Eel," Gill said, helping her back up.

"Aw, shut up," Eel said, pulling her work suit over her underwear and sports bra. At one point, she had been too shy to expose her midriff to the boys, fearing ridicule and embarrassment. However, as they advanced into the spring months, and the weather grew drier and hotter, it became inevitable. Once a month, Ida gave the girls a few bottles of sunblock, which kept them from burning too much.

The girls left the tent together, meeting Hollywood at the juice line. She raised an eyebrow when she saw Eel and Gill talking, but didn't comment.

As they walked towards the Library, Groups D and J passed, accompanied by Pendanski and Miss Alicia as they walked towards the lake.

Eel didn't notice Squid until he rammed his shoulder into hers, causing her to stagger backwards into Belch.

Her body lighting with anger, she tore after him. "Watch where you're goin', asshole," she exclaimed, grabbing him by the back of his jumpsuit.

He scowled at her. He was using the straw from his juice box in place of a toothpick. "How 'bout you make me?" he challenged.

"Guys?" Zigzag had paused, his electric blue eyes flitting back and forth between the two. He hated it when they were fighting. Just his luck, his two best friends like to beat each other up.

Thankful for Squid's invitation, Eel slammed her fist across his mouth.

His head snapped to the side, where it remained as he spat out his straw and blood. He turned back, his tongue flicking over his split lip.

He stared at her for a moment, his brown eyes narrowed with annoyance. He glanced over her shoulder to Gill, who grinned menacingly.

"I'll fuckin' deal with you later," he growled, prying Eel's fingers from his jumpsuit.

"Dick," Eel said, shoving him back.

* * *

After she finished her hole, Eel paused at Gill's hole. She still had another foot to go, so she waved Eel on.

"I can wait," Eel offered, fanning her face with Barfbag's hat.

"No, it's fine, you can go on," Gill said.

Halfway back to camp, she heard someone calling her name. She turned, shovel slung over her shoulders.

Dexter from Group B was jogging towards her, the handle of his shovel swinging wild and his empty canteen banging against his hip. Dirt caked his brown hair, making it appear lighter. His glasses were fogging from his sweaty face and were already covered in dirt.

Eel raised an eyebrow as he stopped in front of her, his chest heaving. "What d'you want?" she demanded.

Dex wasn't the worst boy to come from Tent B (although, in comparison to The Lump, everyone was a saint), but Eel knew next to nothing about him. Hickey had mentioned that he was cute, but Eel didn't really see it. Granted, she was two years older than him, and she had never been very interested in boys that matched her height. She was pretty sure he had been nicknamed after the cartoon, but she couldn't really be sure.

In the four months he had been at Green Lake, she had barely spoken to him. She recalled she once told him to get out of her way, but, other than that, she didn't have any memory of interacting with him. Sometimes she saw him hanging out with Bluff and Ponyboy, but he didn't seem to have any other friends.

"I don't want anything," he said, pushing up his glasses. "I have a message to deliver. From Pony."

"Do you now?" Eel asked, her eyes narrowing. Group H was scheduled to dig with Ponyboy's group the next day. Why couldn't he just tell her himself?

"Yeah, I do," Dexter said.

Eel glanced past him trying to peek into the distance. No one else was coming from the area they had dug in, so she figured they were safe to talk. For a few minutes, at least. "C'mon," she said, gesturing towards the compound. She swiveled on her heel, continuing towards camp.

"It's about the game you guys were playing," he said.

Peering over at him, Eel grimaced. "You know about that, huh?" Gossip spread fast with only seventy campers to find out.

"Oh, everyone knows about that, baby girl," Dex said with a smirk, emphasizing the pet name with a waggle of his brow.

Irritation sparking through her stomach, Eel's hand shot out and fisted his thick hair. She pulled his face close, sneering as she hissed, "Don't fuckin' call me that." She made sure to enunciate each word without her accent, just so he would know how serious she was.

Dex grinned, though he winced when she twisted her wrist back, the chunk of hair in her grip straining against his scalp. "You let Squid call you that."

"Well, you ain't Squid, are you?" She released him, shoving him away. He stumbled, but steadied himself with his shovel. "Tell me your message and then _fuck off_."

Running his fingers through his hair, Dex frowned at her. "Ponyboy said to tell you that everything was planned." He pulled his hand down and inspected his fingers, as if he were checking for blood. "Gill and Hollywood – they made sure you and Squid would get the dares you got. They even suggested the one with Thlump so you'd want to do the one with Squid."

Puzzled, Eel stared at him, her face draining of color. Gill _couldn't_ have – that was part of their deal.

Eel knew how manipulating Gill really was. The group leader had no qualms with using her power and influence to mess with other people. It was a game to her – the more she could embarrass one person, the easier it was to keep everyone else in line.

But Gill wasn't supposed to screw around with Eel's life like she did with everyone else. That was how their "friendship" was supposed to work – Eel protected her, and in exchange, she avoided Gill's wrath.

Dex grabbed her arm and dragged her from the path, startling her from her daze. The water truck sped past, riling a cloud of dirt over the pair.

"I gotta go," Dex said, quickly looking over his shoulder. "You can't rat us out to Gill. She can't know who it was that told you, okay?" As Eel nodded, he pulled his shirt over his mouth and nose and hurried back to the compound.

Her head still buzzing, Eel stared back towards the digging site. A few figures trudged through the dust trail, heading in her direction.

Adjusting her shovel against her shoulders, she trudged on to the camp, her stomach churning with anger and betrayal.

* * *

Squid snuck up on her as she left the shower building, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her up against the wall.

"It's later, baby girl," he growled in her ear.

"Fuck off," Eel snapped, twisting herself loose. "I ain't in the mood to deal with you right now." She tried to move around him, but his hand wrapped around her elbow.

"You were sure lookin' for a fight this mornin'," he said.

"Don't fuckin' touch me," Eel said, her foot swinging out to kick his shin. "Bet you knew all about what Gill and Hollywood were plannin', didn't you?" She aimed a punch at his throat.

Squid ducked out of the way, snatching her arm as it passed. "What the hell are you talkin' about?" he asked.

Eel tried to shake her arm loose, but he held on tight. Screeching through her clenched teeth, she tried to hit him with her non-dominant hand, which was useless.

"Y'all fuckin' set me up," Eel exclaimed. Frustrated tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, she thrashed against him. "Let me go, you asshole."

Rolling his eyes, he released her. She had been trying to pull herself out of his grip, so she stumbled back into the wall when he let her go.

Rubbing the moisture from her face, she clambered back to her feet. "God, I hate you so much," she muttered.

"Sure," Squid said, absently fixing her top button, which had come undone during her struggle. "What exactly did I set up?"

"Don't fuckin' play dumb," Eel said, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared up at Squid. "I know Gill and Hollywood set up the game on Tuesday."

"I ain't playin'…" Raising an eyebrow, Squid took a step back. "Wait, what do you mean they set up the game?"

Eel frowned, expecting him to start laughing at her. She searched his face for any hint of insincerity, but could only find confusion. He was either a damn good actor or he didn't know. But he didn't have any reason to hide pretend to not know.

"Did you know I was gonna be there?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. It just didn't make sense. Why would Gill want to keep both in the dark?

Squid shook his head. "Bluff told me it was just gonna be a bunch of guys," he said. "If I'da known Rocky and Lucky were gonna be there, I woulda skipped it."

"But you'da gone if there were only guys?" Eel snickered. She poked his stomach teasingly. "Are you gay, Squiddy?"

"Shut up," Squid said, rolling his eyes. "Pendanski's been comin' down on us for gamblin' shower tokens. I know I'm better at poker than Bluff, so I figured I might as well play and win."

"So, you didn't know about what Gill and Hollywood were doin'?" Eel clarified.

"What were they doin'?"

"Well, Dex told me that Ponyboy told him that Gill and Hollywood planned everything that happened that night," Eel said. "They had all the dares for us planned."

"Don't you think that if I were in on the whole thing, I woulda picked some better dares?" Squid scoffed. He absently poked his finger through the tear in her jumpsuit where she was missing a button. His other hand pressed against her hip. "For one, I woulda made sure you were giving _me_ a lap dance and sittin' on Thlump's lap." He grinned at her distress. "I'm kiddin', stupid. Anyway, I hate them more than _you_ do. I wouldn't plan anythin' with them, even it was to mess with you. Hell, especially if it was to mess with you."

Eel sighed, reaching up to attempt to rub away the ache sprouting in her forehead. "I s'pose that makes sense," she muttered. She smiled as she remembered Squid and Zig's conversation in the counselor's tent, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I already know you'd never kiss me."

Squid's eyebrows knit together, showing his confusion, and she laughed.

"I may or may not have heard you and Ziggy talkin' last night," she admitted. "I didn't think kissin' me would be such a bad thing, but I guess I underestimated how much you don't like me."

Scowling, Squid clamped his hand around her jaw, his thumb and forefinger pinching her dimples. "How much did you hear?" he demanded.

"Just the part where Zig asked if you would kiss me, and you said _fuck no_ ," she said, her mouth squashed into a slight pout. "I heard enough."

"No, you didn't." With the hand on her hip and the other on her face, Squid forced her back several steps until she was back against the wall. He pushed her head back and tilted his down, his eyelids sliding shut.

"Squid?" He pressed against her, his warmth burning through both of their jumpsuits.

"If you're gonna listen in on other people's private conversations, do yourself a favor and listen to all of it," he breathed, the tip of his nose caressing up the slope of hers.

"Squid, someone's gonna catch us," Eel murmured, curling her fingers around his wrist.

"I don't care."

" _I do_."

He drew back, his eyes opening again. "I said no because I wouldn't wanna take your first kiss like that," he said. "I'd prefer our first kiss to be on our terms, not just part of some stupid game."

Eel blushed, realizing he described their first kiss as if it were a definite thing.

"I said no because I actually think of you as a person," he continued. "Not just some puppet, like Gill does. I wouldn't make you do something you didn't wanna do." He released her face, resigning to cupping her cheek in his palm.

Eel leaned into his touch, holding his wrist between both hands. Between Gill's bullshit and all the kissing talk, she was confused as hell. At this point, she had no idea where she and Squid stood, and her head was spinning with every bewildering moment of this ridiculous day. She felt like a dirt devil would come whirling through the desert any moment and her hold on Squid was the only thing keeping her from flying off into the wasteland.

"I should go before someone catches us," Eel said after a long moment of silence, dropping her hands to her sides. As Squid stepped away, she bent down to pick up her dirty clothes off the ground.

A smirk broke through Squid's serious countenance. "Wanna come play pool with me?"

Tucking the jumpsuit under her arm, Eel snorted. They quickly fell back into their usual banter. "Would you fuck off already?"

"Aw, shit, baby. You keep sayin' stuff like that, I might start thinkin' you hate me."

"I _do_ hate you," Eel said, rolling her eyes as she marched off towards the tents.

* * *

"Dex wasn't just makin' shit up, right?"

Startled, Ponyboy spun around. He squinted as he tried to focus on Eel, who stood above him.

Glancing behind her to make sure Gill wasn't listening, Eel crouched in front of him. She gnawed on her bruised apple, waiting for Ponyboy's response.

"Dexter wouldn't lie," Ponyboy said, his ginger eyebrow cocking.

Eel gave him an unimpressed look. " _Right_ ," she said. "We're all a bunch of juvenile delinquents, but none of us lie. Look, we all find the dork endearin', but glasses don't make him a good guy." He had ended up at Camp Green Lake after all.

"True," Ponyboy said, snickering. "Exhibit A, X-Ray."

Exhibit B, _me_ , Eel thought to herself. But Ponyboy hadn't been present on her first day of camp and didn't need to know she wore glasses.

He brushed the crumbs from his sandwich off on his pants. "But, yeah, Gill screwed you over."

"Figures," Eel hurled her apple towards an area without any campers. "She wouldn't go to anythin' involvin' guys unless she had somethin' to do with it."

"You don't really seem mad," Ponyboy commented.

"Oh, don't worry," Eel said, shrugging dismissively. "I'm sure when it fully sinks in, I'll wanna rip her throat out." She could tell that she was angry, but she couldn't quite discern how much. This was different than someone simply triggering her short-temper.

Ponyboy scooted away from her. "Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I'd prefer that my throat remain intact."

Inhaling slowly, Eel blinked at him. "We'll see." She sauntered back to her hole.

As she leaned against the wall of her hole, she realized Hollywood staring at her. There was a hint of suspicion on her raised eyebrow.

Clicking her tongue, Eel raised her hand and gave her a short, two-fingered salute.

"Stupid bitches," she muttered as she picked up her shovel.


	7. Chapter 7

"Line it up, ladies," Mr. Sir called.

From his hole, X-Ray glared as Group H ambled into their regular order. Mr. Sir always insisted the girls go first, and then the boys, which infuriated X-Ray, since he had been at Green Lake longer than Gill. But he never argued.

Eel reluctantly got into line between Gill and Hollywood, who talked around her like there was nothing wrong. She supposed they didn't think they had done anything wrong.

Sometimes, Camp Green Lake felt so much like her hometown that she forgot that it was a juvenile detention center. She could laugh alongside her tentmates daily, but that didn't make them good people. They were all at Green Lake for a reason.

Eel was losing her resolve with Gill by the minute. The moment she had failed to defend her during the game, a small seed of doubt in their "friendship" had embedded itself into Eel's gut. Despite fighting her battles for eight months, Gill's craving for control showed Eel no mercy.

Shaking her leg impatiently, she watched as Zigzag and Squid joked around at their hole. She could've been there, laughing alongside them.

As she walked back to her hole, Squid bumped her shoulder, knocking the sandwich from her hand. She took it back. Squid was still an asshole.

She just about lost her cool right then and there.

"What the fuck is your problem, Squid?" she demanded, resisting the urge to shove him into a hole and bury him alive.

He smirked, glancing down at her dirt-covered food. She itched to bruise his smug face.

"Way to go, butterfingers," he said.

Eel's hand lifted automatically, balling into a fist as she prepared to hit him.

Someone whistled behind her, followed by Gill saying, "Kick his ass, baby." Hollywood giggled.

Not wanting to give Gill the satisfaction of another fight, Eel let her arm fall back to her side. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

For a moment, her disdain for Squid melted away, her shoulders sagging with fatigue as released a slow breath through her clenched jaw. God, she wanted nothing more than to go back to her cot and pass out.

"Eel?" Zigzag was at her shoulder now, his electric blue eyes wide with concern.

"Just leave me the fuck alone," she snapped. She sank back into her hole, glaring at a rock that stuck out of a dirt pile. She hated this stupid game she was playing with Gill and Squid. She was sick of being hurt and aching. As much as Squid repulsed her, she didn't want to fight with him anymore. He may have deserved it most of the time, but, holy hell, it was tiring.

She glanced over to where Zigzag and Squid were eating, lounging across dirt piles. Almost immediately, Zigzag turned his head and met her gaze. Guilt tugging at her stomach, she grimaced. _Sorry_.

She and Squid were Zigzag's only real friends. It was probably worse for him that the few people he liked were always at each other's throats.

He tilted his head, his mouth curling into a wry smile. Then he turned back to his conversation with Squid.

"Hey, do you want to split my sandwich?"

Caveman's hole was next to hers. He stared at her from the dirt pile he sat on. Without waiting for an answer, he tore his sandwich in two and offered her the bigger half.

"Thanks," she said.

"Why don't you and Squid get along?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, Caveman," she said. No matter how many half-sandwiches he gave her, she was not going to divulge this information to him.

"Sorry," he said. He chewed slowly, staring awkwardly at his feet.

She hadn't spent a great deal of time with Caveman, but from what she could gather, he didn't belong at this Camp. While he dominated his tentmates in height and weight, he seemed so gentle and unintimidating. He reminded her of Katie, her best friend back home. Too nice, too sweet for the soul-sucking hellhole that was Green Lake, Texas.

But in a weird way, Caveman at Camp gave her some peace of mind. He was a reminder that, sometimes, good people just did shitty things. Although, she wasn't exactly sure what Caveman had done. Surely it wasn't _that_ bad. He certainly didn't seem the type to assault someone.

She reached over, patting the top of his boot. "It's fine, Caveman," she said. "But don't ask so many questions, okay? Not everyone's as nice as me."

He smiled, but didn't seem convinced. Maybe because his tentmates were nicer than she was. Maybe because he didn't think she was nice at all. She didn't waste her time thinking too in-depth about it.

When she finished her hole, she sat in the hot shade for a moment. At least here, surrounded by dirt and burning sunlight, she could pretend that nothing was wrong.

Hauling herself out of her hole, she trudged along a thin path through the holes, dragging her shovel behind her.

"Hey," Gill called, her five-two frame sticking out by about half a foot. "You gonna wait for me?"

Her eyes narrowing, Eel tried to ignore the irritation that chewed at the vein in her temple. She could feel her forehead twitching.

She had planned to play along for a few more days, but something in her cracked. Maybe she just wanted a reason to argue with someone. Maybe the heat was getting to her. But all she could think about now was what she could say that would piss Gill off.

"I'd sooner pet a yellow-spotted lizard than wait for you," she sneered. It would certainly cause her less trouble than dealing with Gill did.

The boys that had been maintaining a conversation quieted, now focused on Eel and Gill. She knew she shouldn't start something in front of them, but she couldn't help it. She craved an audience to watch her tear Gill to shreds.

Gill wasted no time climbing out of her hole so she could face Eel directly. "Okay, what the fuck is your problem now?"

"Oh, was that not clear?" Eel cocked her head to the side. At her side, she gripped the shovel so hard her knuckles went white. "It's you. You're my problem." With her free hand, she gestured to Hollywood and Squid. "Oh, don't worry, I know all about how you orchestrated the game on Tuesday."

Gill scoffed, shaking her head. "Seriously? You're mad over that?" She laughed, playfully smacking Eel on the shoulder. "Who cares? It was just a bit of fun. Christ, you take everything so seriously."

Later, days and weeks later, Eel might have considered her to be correct. But, as far as she cared right now, that was the wrong thing to say.

Red filtering into her vision, she lifted her shovel and grasped it like a softball bat, the familiar technique pulsing through her muscle-memorized swing as she struck Gill's stomach with the curved metal. It made a satisfying _fwap_ against her jumpsuit, sending Gill flying back, her feet catching on a dirt pile. She nearly fell into X-Ray's hole, but he shoved her back towards Eel.

Skirting to Gill's side, Eel caught her by the shoulder and slammed her as hard as she could into the ground. Just as she made a grab for her shovel, Gill popped back up.

Members from both groups jumped to intervene. Zigzag wrapped an arm around Eel's waist while Karate and Hollywood blocked Gill.

"Get off me, Zig," Eel demanded, thrashing against his grip.

His hand squeezed her shoulder. "Cool down, Lils," he muttered, his mouth at her ear. "Don't lose it here."

She shook against him, not listening to a word he said.

"Hey, hey," X-Ray slid between both groups, his hands held out as if to say 'Don't come any closer'. "Y'all can't fight, aight? You know what the Warden'll do to y—"

Tearing out of Zigzag's hold, Eel shoved X-Ray out of her way and barreled through Karate and Hollywood. She collided with Gill and the pair tumbled to the ground.

With a hand gripping Gill's hair, Eel managed to hold the struggling girl to the ground. Her exhaustion had boiled into anger, throbbing outward through her skin with the tremors of an adrenaline rush.

"I go along with every single one of your dumbass schemes," she snarled. "I do everything you ask me to. I've defended your sorry ass for months, and I've only asked for one thing in return: to be excluded from your bullshit. I'm not your entertainment, you fucking psycho. I will not be your victim, got it?" Eel drew in a sharp breath. "Next time you wanna fuck with me, I want you to remember who's here because they hospitalized someone, and who's here because they got caught sellin' drugs."

Squid stared at her as she rose to her feet, his eyebrow cocking as he caught the last part of her spiel. He vaguely remembered her arrest story, but he didn't recall a part where someone had gotten hurt.

He had never seen her look so menacing. With a shovel in hand, she seemed to radiate an aura of pure hatred that he could feel from several feet away. Sometime during the scuffle, her jumpsuit, which had already been dangling at her hips, had slid down below the lacey waistband of her underwear.

"Pull your pants up, baby," he called up to her as she passed his hole.

Scowling, she flipped him off with her shaking hand. He snickered when she tugged her jumpsuit up to her bellybutton.

When she finally made it to the showers, she accepted the cool water on her flaming skin with ease. And then, all at once, she lost her temper for the second time that day. Because there was no one around she could take her anger out on, she turned to something inanimate.

As the water washed away the remaining suds, she struck the wall. It hurt like hell, but it made her feel better for some reason. She hit the wall again, and again, and again, until blood dripped down her fingers and joined the dirt and water on the floor.

The pain soaked through the tingling echo of adrenaline, ebbing at her bleary thoughts, pushing out the billions of things that seemed to always sear to the inside of her skull. For the first time in weeks, her head felt clear and focused.

The showerhead shuddered and sputtered, signaling that she only had a few seconds of water left. She stepped out of the stall, reaching for her towel with her uninjured hand. Gritting her teeth, she patted away the remaining moisture, staining bits of the towel red.

She struggled to get dressed, and gave up when her jumpsuit was buttoned halfway. "Idiot," she muttered, folding her towel and work clothes.

When she entered the Wreck Room, small gaggles of people stared at her. None of them were from Groups D or H, so she figured they were staring because of the game and not the fight.

Turning the T.V. on, she sat in the center of the couch and somehow managed to stay focused on the snowy white screen until someone joined her.

To her surprise, Squid plopped down beside her, slinging his arm over the top of her cushion.

"X-Ray is pissed as hell at you for pushin' him earlier," he stated.

Eel shrugged. "He ain't gonna do anything," she said. "I bet if it weren't for the Warden, he'd be happy to watch me beat the shit outta Gill."

She gave him a sideways glance as he laughed. He always did have a nice laugh.

As he fell silent, the whispering became obvious.

"Oh, now look what you did," Eel complained, gesturing to the other inmates. They kept peeking over at the pair on the couch, and whispered amongst each other. "As if they didn't have enough to gossip about."

"They're gonna have plenty more to talk about when Gill comes back," Squid pointed out. "And that's all because of you."

Eel sighed, tracing a finger along his knee. "I dunno what happened," she said. "One second I was fine, and the next I completely lost it. Guess I just wanted to her to know that I knew what she did."

Squid glanced down at her hand on his knee, his train of thought rolling straight out the window. "What happened to your hand?" He grabbed her wrist, pulling it closer to his face so he could inspect the damage.

Beneath chunks of dried blood, reddish-purple bruises had spread across her knuckles. The pain had subsided into a low throb, but when he moved her hand, it was like someone had jabbed a metal rod through the bone and into the muscles of her forearm.

"Sorry," he said, loosening his grip. He stroked a fingertip over a swollen bit of muscle, apologizing a second time when she hissed sharply. "This didn't happen during the fight, did it?"

As she shook her head, she avoided looking at him. He realized she hadn't braided her hair after her shower.

"What did you do?"

"I just lost my temper," she muttered.

"With what? A wall?"

She slid her hand from his, grimacing. She poked herself with her good hand and rubbed away the clotted blood.

"Eel, you didn't." He dropped his arm from the cushion to her shoulders and pulled her against his side. "C'mon, baby, you know you can hit me anytime you want," he said with a halfhearted grin. He would probably regret saying that, since she wasn't anywhere close to weak.

Tilting her head against his shoulder, she stared up at him. She liked the calm moments between them. Gill wasn't around to provoke either of them, and they could just be with each other. No arguing, no fighting…

"Why do we have to hate each other, Squid?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't focus her gaze on anything but him. His eyes were the prettiest brown she'd ever seen.

"I don't hate you, baby girl," he said, rubbing his thumb across her shoulder.

She chewed on her lower lip as she nodded in agreement. "I don't hate you, either," she said. She leaned against him, settling her head at the crook of his neck. "We're just so messed up and I wish we weren't."

Closing her eyes, she committed the comfort of his proximity to her memory. Despite all the inmates staring at her, she felt more relaxed next to him than she had been in a long time.

She knew it wouldn't last. No kind of happiness never lasted at Green Lake.


	8. Chapter 8

Five days of peace were all Eel was allowed.

Those five days had been absolutely wonderful. Without worry of Gill influencing who she could hang out with, Eel felt freer than a bird. She had a pool tournament with Ponyboy. She watched TV (more or less) with Zigzag. She played one-on-one basketball with Red and lost by a good amount.

She even had enough nerve in her to sneak into the kitchens with Squid at the dead of night. They rummaged through the building, stealing toothpicks and stale cookies.

In the darkened Mess Hall, they sat on a window-side table, the soft moonlight shining against their shadowy faces. Eel stared out the window. The camp was eerie at nighttime. It didn't have the usual ambiance of chattering inmates and music from Mr. Sir's office, and the silence was almost unwelcome to her.

"I think I'm crazy," Eel murmured. She was getting that tickle up the back of her neck that she always got when she expected a face to appear in the window. "I hate this place. More than anything. But sometimes… Sometimes I think I'd rather stay here than go back home."

"Nah, you ain't crazy, baby." He scooted closer to her, his shoulder pressing to hers as he passed her another cookie. "I think that too, sometimes," he admitted.

"Really?" Eel swiveled her head around so she could look at him. She blinked in surprise, not expecting to see how close his face was to hers.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "I've got a purpose here. Diggin' holes. Doesn't matter why, 'cause that's just what we do. But home…"

"Home's just a mess," Eel said. There was nothing back home for her except Katie, and, even then, her best friend hadn't been replying to her letters, so maybe not. Her family had abandoned her and she couldn't go back to her old high school.

Squid nodded in agreement. A melancholy pause hovered between them, and Eel briefly wondered what he was thinking about.

When they snuck back across camp, she slid her hand into his, and she had no intention of feeling sorry for it.

But after five days, the reality of Eel's shitty life came crashing down on her, like a meteor falling to the earth. It started with the hint of being another good day. But nothing good lasts at Camp Green Lake.

* * *

Eel watched with interest as the Warden inspected X-Ray's hole.

"Is this where you found it?"

"Yes, ma'am." She struggled to believe that. Rumor had it he had the worst eyesight in camp.

The Warden requested that X-Ray would return to camp and take the rest of the day off. Eel snickered when the Warden told off Pendanski. She would treasure the look of humiliation and frustration on his face forever. Even her fellow campers found it funny, ducking behind piles of dirt to keep their laughing faces hidden. As he refilled Eel's canteen again, she had to avert her gaze to keep from chortling in his face.

As Pendanski drove away with X-Ray, the Warden turned on the other inmates and began shouting orders. "Zero, take over X-Ray's hole. Red, Zigzag, and Squid, keep digging where you're at. You will each have a helper join to come join you."

Eel's eyes met with the Warden's, who's mouth curled into a smirk, and her blood ran cold. Supposedly, the Warden had cameras set up all around the camp, and, while Eel never trouble herself to believe it, sometimes the Warden seemed to know too much about the secrets of the desert.

Most of the time, Eel tried not to worry about it; as long as they kept digging every day, no one cared about their late-night activities. Still, whenever the Warden came out of her cabin, she unnerved Eel to the core. She reminded Eel of Gill, except much worse – dominating, manipulative, and looking for entertainment.

"Walker, you will dig with Red. Karate, with Zigzag. Gill, join Zero." She paused and chuckled softly at something. "Eel, you will work with Squid."

Eel pursed her lips, but obeyed. She had seen it coming, and now she was positive the Warden knew about their game night.

"We're gonna dig this dirt twice. You folks in the holes will dig out the dirt. When the wheelbarrows arrive, Armpit, you will carefully shovel the dirt from Squid's hole into the wheelbarrow. Caveman and Magnet will do the same for X-Ray's hole, and Hollywood for Zigzags, and Catwoman for Red's."

Squid scooted to one side of his hole to give Eel room to hop in. He shot her a crooked grin and flicked the rim of her hat with his forefinger.

As the Warden walked out of earshot, the smile melted from Eel's face. "I think she knows about that night," she said in a hushed voice.

Frowning, Squid scraped his shovel around the rim of his hole to widen it. "What makes you say that?" he asked.

"I mean, we're s'posed to hate each other, right?" Squid shrugged. Sticking the blade of her shovel into the ground, Eel leaned her chin on the handle. "I just don't get why she would put me with you if she didn't know."

"Dunno," Squid said, an eyebrow raised at her. "I mean we were together all yesterday durin' free time and we didn't fight or nothin'. Maybe the counsellors told her."

Eel pursed lips. "I might believe that if it weren't for the look she just gave me."

"What look?"

"When she told me to work with you…" Eel tapped her fingernails against the shaft of the shovel. "She just… I dunno… She just had this look on her face. Like she knew something." She turned pink, realizing how silly she sounded. But she was sure the Warden knew.

Squid smirked. "I read Zig's file once. You wanna know what it said?"

Eel shot him a frustrated look. "What are you talkin' about? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It said he suffers from – uh, what's it called? – acute paranoia." He grinned at the expression on her face. "I think you got that too. You should probably see someone about that, baby girl." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, and who would you suggest, Squid? Pendanski?" They both laughed a little, unknowingly drawing the attention of several people around them.

"Squid! Eel! Would you like to share what it is that's got you two so distracted?"

Wondering where the hell the Warden had procured a pitchfork from, Eel snatched up her shovel and started digging. The last thing she wanted was the Warden stabbing her.

* * *

At lunchtime, Eel settled herself between Squid and one of the many dirt piles near their hole. The four holes had grown significantly in size, but nothing else had been found yet. The Warden, Pendanski, and Mr. Sir were standing by the water truck, looking over a map of the area. Eel didn't have a clue how they even read the map, considering the desert had no distinguishing features to mark.

"Would you stop elbowin' me?" Eel said after he interrupted her taking a bite of her sandwich for the third time, giving him a sharp shove with her shoulder.

"Well, I'm tryin' to get your attention," he said, pointedly digging his elbow into her forearm.

"What?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"Have an extra cookie, babe," he said, holding out a handful of graham crackers. "I took some extra when Mr. Sir wasn't lookin'."

She quirked an eyebrow at him, but took the graham crackers. "Why did you take them if you didn't even want them?"

He shrugged, planting a hand on the ground behind her back. "'Cause I knew they wouldn't notice. 'scuse me for tryin' to do something nice for you." He pulled a toothpick from his jumpsuit pocket and slipped it between his teeth.

"Do you dip?" Eel asked suddenly. It was a question that had lingered at the back of her mind, but she had never remembered to ask. She'd always had a hunch about it whenever she saw him chewing on a toothpick. It wouldn't have surprised her if he did – snuff was basically currency for country boys.

"Used to," he said. "How'd you know?"

She flicked the tip of his toothpick. "Just somethin' I remember from school," she explained. "Boys always dipped in class if they could get away with it. If they couldn't, they always had somethin' else in their mouth." She crinkled her nose. "I knew one guy that would chew on sunflower seed shells."

Squid laughed. "That's weird."

"He was weird," she said. "Most redneckish redneck I've ever met. I remember I once got stuck behind him for like ten minutes on a county road 'cause he was drivin' a tractor to someone down the road." She rolled her eyes at the memory.

"Yeah, I only dipped 'cause I was in baseball," Squid said.

Snickering, Eel patted his cheek. "I would lay off the tobacco if I were you," she said. "Can't have that nice face of yours losin' teeth, now can we?"

"My face is nice?" he asked, grinning smugly.

Aware of the pink rising on her face, she took a bite of her graham cracker. "Thanks for the cookie," she said.

"What're friends for?" he said.

"Friends?" Eel said curiously, her eyes going wide.

He blinked at her, not expecting her to question it. "Yeah, friends," he said, his gaze shifting to the bottom of his hole. "We're friends, Lils."

"Right," Eel said, a smile flickering at the corner of her mouth. "Friends."

"You know," he continued, suddenly very interested in scratching lines into the cracked ground. "We don't have to just be friends."

"We don't?" Eel's brain had dropped into the hole in front of her, and her voice had hiked up an octave.

"Yeah," he said, turning his head slightly to gage her reaction from the corner of his eye. "We could, uh, be maybe more than friends. You know, if you want."

Her breath had been sucked right out of her lungs. Trying to calm her pounding heart, she cleared her throat. "Yeah, maybe." She looked directly at him, ignoring every urge she had to flee. "It's just… I've never really… um…" His brown-eyed stare was burning any bit of sense she had left right out of her skull. "I've never really been _more than friends_ with anyone… Like, ever."

"Oh," he said.

"I'm not sayin' no," she said. She wished she could find the off switch for her mouth, as it seemed to be taking off without consulting her brain first. "I just—hm. Just not right now. It's just bad timing, I guess."

Disappointment flashed across his face, and Eel tried to bite the pity off her tongue. Between the pair hung a pregnant pause, and Eel could feel the tension swelling.

"I like you, Alan," she said finally, feeling like a blathering idiot. She couldn't stop the words from splattering into the silence. "A lot, I think. But all the shit with Gill and Barfbag… It just feels wrong right now."

"Right." He took a slow drink from his canteen. "I'm not in a rush. I can wait."

They lapsed into an unsettling silence until Mr. Sir ushered the group back to digging. "Get back to work, ladies!" he shouted. "This ain't no Girl Scout Camp."

The Warden had the two groups digging well into the afternoon. By the time all four holes were six feet tall and six feet wide, the other groups had finished and gone back to camp. Groups D and H were given permission to leave when the last pile of dirt was wheelbarrowed away.

Eel left with Karate, hoping to avoid the awkward silence with Squid. Group D walked back together, a few yards ahead of the girls. They spoke among themselves, but were loud enough for Eel to hear.

"I wonder how she knew all our names," Caveman said to his tent mates.

Zigzag answered first. "She watches us all the time. She's got cameras and microphones hidden all over the place – the tents, the Wreck Room, the showers."

Squid looked at Eel over his shoulder. He pointed at Zigzag, and then at her. He winked.

She rolled her eyes. The boys at Camp Green Lake were so paranoid. She had been in the Warden's cabin, cleaning as a punishment for fighting. There were no T.V.s in her cabin where she could watch the campers. Why she would want to was beyond Eel. The Warden was a bitch, but she could spend her time better than watching a bunch of scrawny teenage boys take a shower.

"The cameras are tiny," Armpit added. "No bigger than the toenail on your little toe."

She met Karate's amused gaze and they broke into fits of loud giggling. The boys, probably suspecting what they were laughing about, turned around to glare at them.

* * *

Squid had an hour of kitchen duty when they returned from the lake ("Mom found my stash of shower tokens," he said with a sly grin.) and while Eel waited for him to return, Magnet invited her to play pool. She had never given him the time of day, but because she was friendly with Squid and Zigzag, he was happy to involve her in their group games, as opposed to X-Ray and Armpit, who remained wary of her. She accepted his invitation, indulging him when offered to let her break.

People always seemed to underestimate just how bad she was a pool. Her excuses were waved off as modesty, but then proven correct when she scratched her way through the game or hit in the eight ball by accident. The only person she could keep up with during pool was Karate, who was just as horrible as her.

As she aimed for what would probably be her third scratch, a few Hispanic boys from Group E leaned against the table. They cracked grins at Eel before turning to Magnet.

" _Are you winning?_ "

Magnet laughed. " _Yes, she's bad at pool._ "

Eel's gaze flicked up in surprise when she heard the boys speaking Spanish. She startled herself, realizing that she could still recognize what they were saying after months of hearing only English.

Returning her focus to the table, she jerked her right arm back and then forward again, the end of her pool cue striking the cue ball. She watched in anticipation as the cue ball hit the intended stripe and promptly bounced into a side pocket, leaving the stripe on a few inches from its original position.

" _I told you she was bad._ "

Eel glared as the boys laughed, giving Magnet a quick clout across the shins with the shaft of her cue stick. " _Shut up_ ," she said with a smirk. She couldn't speak as fast as they could. " _It's your turn._ "

Magnet reached into the pocket to retrieve the ball, seemingly unsurprised by her language switch.

"Lilian Vargas."

Eel glanced over her shoulder, a glower darkening her face. She hated her name and every single variation of it. Did Pendanski really need say it in front of the entire Wreck Room?

" _Isn't that you, Eel?_ " Magnet asked.

"A letter for Miss Lilian Vargas," Pendanski attempted, which really wasn't any better.

"Better not be Ty," she muttered as she snatched the envelope from over his shoulder. She couldn't think of anyone would that would want to talk to her. Most of her friends didn't give a shit about her now, and it sure as hell wasn't her parents. She snorted at the thought as she turned it over to read the return label.

Lewis Millican.

The cue stick in her hand clattered to the floor, mimicking her heart as it plummeted into her stomach. Her hand felt clammy as it grabbed open air, too late trying to catch the object that had landed on the floor.

The pool game slipping from her mind, Eel fled from the Wreck Room, leaving a confused Magnet staring after her.

Her stomach churned as she walked towards the tents, her mind clouding with the possibilities of the letter. She could only imagine an angry-worded letter, trashing her for doing nothing to stop him on the lake. Guilt tingled in her chest.

"Hey, where you goin', baby girl?"

Her distracted brain all but useless now, she nearly barreled into Squid. He had just showered, and had a towel draped over one shoulder. His hair was still damp, water dripping down his neck and over his bare chest.

She squeaked in surprise, hiding the letter behind her back out of impulse. His eyes followed the movement, narrowing in suspicion.

"What've you got?" Quicker than she could defend herself, he reached around her back and snatched the letter from her hand. As he read the return address, he raised an eyebrow. "What's Barfbag writin' you for? Is he your boyfriend or somethin'?"

"Alan!" Eel protested, trying to grab it back.

A scowl formed on his face. "Is that why this is bad timing for you?" he asked, hurt flashing across his expression. "You've still got him on the line, so you're gonna make me wait for you to finish with him?"

She couldn't deny that for a short time, she'd grown the slightest hint of feelings for Barfbag when he first arrived at camp. But pretty soon he admitted he had a girlfriend waiting for him back home and Eel backed off. Besides, she had much stronger feelings for someone else…

She shook her head frantically. "Squid, that—that's not…" She didn't know what to say to him, and she could tell her struggle to speak frustrated him.

"Here's your fucking letter," he said, tossing it to her feet. He stalked past her, slamming his shoulder into hers.

" _Alan!_ " she called after him.

"That ain't my name," he growled. "Fuck off, Eel."

Blinking back tears, she swiped up the letter and took off in a run to Tent H. Hollywood and Gill were sitting in the floor, playing a card game.

Eel screamed in frustration, kicking a cot crooked. She and Squid could never get anything right. Every damn time they were doing good, something got in the way and they were back to hating each other at square one.

"I—FUCKING—HATE—BOYS!" she shouted, stomping on the metal frame of the cot with each word. It didn't even bend under the force of her foot, which infuriated her.

Back home, she had a glass plaque sitting on display in her bookshelf. It was an award from her high school, in honor of her excellent academic performance. She had once been very proud to have received it. But now, she wished she had it with her at Camp Green Lake just so she could hurl it into a solid wall and watch it shatter.

She picked up a pillow and smacked it against the mattress, wishing with all her might that the bed would transform into Squid so she could asphyxiate him. She yelled with every hit, every swear she knew in both languages exploding from her mouth.

When she ran out of words, she kicked the cot again, clenching her jaw. She was left with shaking hands and a fire in her eyes that Gill and Hollywood recognized as Squid-fueled.

"Um… you okay, Eel?" Hollywood asked slowly.

Tossing down the pillow, Eel stormed to her own cot (having just beat the shit out of Catwoman's) and shoved Barfbag's letter under her pillow. She wasn't in the mood to read it.

"I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth. She rubbed a hand over her face, trying to smooth out the angry creases in her forehead with her fingers.

"Would you want to play rummy with us?" Gill offered.

Eel swallowed hard, her stomach still swirling. "Yeah, I guess," she said in a croaky voice. She sat down on the floor. "How do you play?"


	9. Chapter 9

Pendanski, Ida, and Mr. Sir were waiting for Groups D and H when they got breakfast the next morning.

Sharing an apprehensive look with Gill, Eel realized they would be continuing their work from yesterday. She glanced in Squid's direction. There was no way she was going to dig with him again.

As they walked out onto the lake, Eel sidled up next to Red. "Switch holes with me," she requested.

Red had her dyed-orange hair held back with a red bandana, revealing an industrial bar piercing through her ear. "Aren't you digging with Squid? Why do you wanna switch?"

Too many questions. "None of your business," Eel said. "Will you do it?"

"I mean, if you're not gonna tell me why, I don't see why I should," Red said, smirking.

Gill appeared at Red's other side, grabbing the thinner girl by the bicep. "You're gonna do it because Eel said so," she said with a sneer.

"Alright, fine," Red exclaimed, yanking her arm out of Gill's grasp.

Eel rolled her eyes as they reached the same area as the day before. She hadn't wanted to force Red to do anything, but Gill clearly had other ideas. She joined Walker at the farthest hole from Squid. "I'm digging with you today."

"What? Are you and Squid already fighting?" Walker snickered at the look on Eel's face. "Man, you guys are horrible."

About an hour into digging, Catwoman crouched at the edge of the hole, staring over the tops of dirt piles. "You know Squid keeps looking over here, right?" she asked Eel. "And he looks pissed."

Walker leaned against the wall of the hole, squinting as she watched Eel. "What the hell is even going on with you two? You looked pretty damn close yesterday."

Eel seethed in silence, driving her shovel into the soft earth. She wished they would stop bringing him up.

His accusation irked her to the core. If she still had feelings for Barfbag, why would she break into the kitchen with him? Why would she hold his hand beneath the poker table? When had she ever done any of that with Barfbag? Could he not tell how much she…

She gnawed on her lip, shrugging at Walker, who was still staring at her.

"Girl, who knows what's going on in his head?" Catwoman said, shoveling dirt from a pile into her wheelbarrow. "Boys're dumber than shit."

"Amen, sister," Walker said with a laugh.

Eel would have laughed with her, but her mind was elsewhere.

* * *

Their next Counseling Night took place in B-Tent. While Ida and Jim (Group B's counselor) listened to the group's stories of how they were arrested, Gill and Hollywood played dice.

As Walker recounted her story, Eel sat with one knee drawn up to her chest and her back pressed against the leg of a cot. She watched Gill and Hollywood's game with limited interest, sure they were about to be told off by Ida.

"…I wasn't trying to trespass," Walker was saying. "I was just really drunk and high. That party I was at – they had some really strong stuff, you know? I just wanted a look around, so I was walking through this field—"

The girls' side rippled with snickers and Walker blushed. A week after her arrival at Green Lake, Hollywood had awoken to find Walker unconsciously shuffling from the tent, mumbling to herself. After quickly waking up Eel, they followed her to the shower building and watched in confusion as she sat on top of a sink and started drumming on an invisible drum kit.

Once they managed to wake her up, they nicknamed her "Sleep-Walker" – "Walker" for short. They all found her arrest story amusing since it seemed to echo bits of her sleep walking trips.

"Eventually, I got caught skinny dipping in a tank and got carted off to the police station and here I am."

"Did they take you to the police station naked?" a B-Tent boy asked.

"Why the hell would they take me to the station naked?" Walker demanded.

"Lily, you've been quiet on us these past few weeks," Ida said, noticing Eel grin, "maybe you would like to share with us the details of your arrest."

Sighing, Eel dropped her knee. She crossed her arms over her stomach. Her arrest story didn't even have the decency to be funny, so she was reluctant to talk about it. But, if it would get the counsellors off her back about speaking, she figured she might as well.

"Whatever. Fine." She licked her lips. "It was at my high school – well, old high school. I've been expelled, so I can't really go back there now. The Vice Principal there—Golson—was a huge jackass, yaknow? I hated the guy." There were murmurs of agreement from a few of the boys. "He was giving me crap about grades and attendance, threatenin' me and all, the whole shebang. So, I snuck into his office and messed around with his microwave. Just a little bit of rewirin' so it would short out or somethin'. The thing exploded. The power went out in the whole administration building'. The office caught on fire, and he had to go to the ER. I had to go to camp."

She glanced up from the floor. "But you already knew all of that, didn't you?"

"Of course," Ida nodded. "All of the counsellors are required to read the files of their charges. What is it exactly that your Vice Principal was threatening you for?"

"He was just saying that if I didn't get my grades up and make up my hours, I wouldn't be able to compete with the Robotics Team." Not that setting his lunch on fire would have fixed that.

"Wait, you were on the Robotics Team?" Dexter asked.

"Hell naw," another boy said. "You're just makin' that up."

"She isn't," Gill interjected. "She fixed the TV in the Wreck Room when she first came her."

"I didn't fix it," Eel said, rolling her eyes. "I made it slightly better, but honestly there's no possible way I could fix it completely. I don't even think the antenna can get a signal."

"So, you're good with technology?" Ida inquired.

She nodded. "Anything electrical. Except for shitty old microwaves apparently." The campers laughed, and she smiled stiffly.

* * *

Securing the elastic on her ponytail, Eel stepped out of the shower building. She needed to hurry; Gill was expecting her in the Wreck Room for a poker game.

She yelped as a hand clamped over her mouth and someone dragged her by the jumpsuit behind the building.

Squid shoved her against the wall, pinning her dominant hand above her head. "Why did you switch holes?" he demanded.

Her face burning red, Eel ripped herself from his grip. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She slammed her fist into his chest, forcing him to take a step back.

"Eel."

She scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "What? You think you're allowed to question my choices after all that shit the other day?" Her jaw clenched as she stepped up to him. He towered over her by half a foot, but he couldn't intimidate her. "Did you ever think that maybe I switched holes because I didn't want to be stuck around an asshole that basically accused me of two-timin'?"

Squid opened his mouth to reply, but she wacked him with her hairbrush.

"Shut up," she snarled. "I was with you for like an hour in the Mess Hall last week. All that shit I told you – do you think I'd do that with just anyone?"

"With him? Yeah, maybe," Squid retorted.

"He has a girlfriend, Squid," she said, rubbing her temples with her thumb and forefinger. When Squid didn't reply, she continued. "He was your tentmate and you couldn't even figure that out?"

Squid inhaled slowly. "He didn't like me that much," he said. "I always thought it was because he was after you, too."

"He probably didn't like because you're a jerk," Eel snapped. "But that's just my guess." She tucked her hairbrush into her pocket. "I gotta go. Gill's waiting on me."

"Eel," Squid said as she shuffled around him. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Are you seriously going to leave me for Gill?"

She clenched her jaw in defiance. "You should have known this would happen the second you accused me of being Barfbag's girlfriend," she said. "Gill might be a bitch, but she trusts me more than you do." That might have been an exaggeration, but she was just so fucking angry at Squid that she needed to rub it in that she would rather hang out with Gill than him.

"So, what, you're back being her sidekick?" Squid demanded. "After all that shit she did to you?"

"I guess so," Eel said, shrugging. "Don't see why it matters to you."

"Because she did it to me too!" Squid exclaimed, his face contorting with disdain. "You were pissed as hell when you thought I had something to do with it – you were ready to kill me – but somehow you can forgive her?"

"I never said I forgave her."

"Then why've you made up with her?" he asked. "If you hate her so much, how can you stand to be with her instead of me? She went behind your back, and you hit her with a shovel, so how the hell can you _still_ pick her over me?"

Eel drew away, her eyes narrowing. There it was – the slip up. His real feelings were spilling to the surface now.

"This isn't even about me, is it?" she asked.

His eyebrows knit together. "What?"

"This is about you and Gill, isn't it?" she pressed. She wasn't just pushing his buttons at this point, she was smashing them with a hammer and she didn't give a shit if they shattered.

"No, this is about you," he insisted.

"No, it isn't," Eel said. "Whatever this is, it is all you and Gill. That thing y'all never talk about that made you hate each other. This is your revenge, isn't it? You can't do anything directly, so you're using me to get back at each other."

"No."

"Yes. That's exactly it, Squid, don't even try to fucking lie to me." Eel shook her head in exasperation. "Christ, Squid, you act so high and mighty, but you're just fucking like her."

Squid surged forward, fisting the front of Eel's shirt. "I'm nothing like her," he snarled as he yanked her close.

"Take a look at where we're standin', Squid," Eel said, gesturing between them. "Because this scene is awfully familiar." Her hands found his middle and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'm not like her," he repeated. His face was turning red, especially around his eyes. "I'm not. I care about you, Eel." He moved his hands from her shirt and his arms circled around her shoulders.

Eel squeezed him lightly before letting her arms drop. "I gotta go, Squid," she said.

"Please don't leave me for her," Squid begged, his fingers pressing to the back of her neck. "Please, Lils, _I love you_."

Eel's face burned and her stomach flipped. She stared up at him, feeling as if all the air had been sucked from her lungs, silently begging him to take it back. That just wasn't fair.

She untangled herself from Squid and she watched his shoulders slump in defeat. "There's just so much more to lose with you," she said, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She turned her back to him and walked away.

As she rounded the corner of the building, she heard something hit the wall – maybe his fist or foot – but she didn't look back.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey, why is Red talking to Squid?" Walker cut across Eel and Catwoman's silence.

Eel looked up, her eyes narrowed. The pair in question were sitting on the opposite side of the hole, legs dangling into the eight-foot drop. Squid was smiling at her with that dumb toothpick in his mouth. Red had a hand casually leaned on his shoulder. They were… flirting.

Walker and Catwoman watched Eel's face drain in color. They both could have sworn they saw her eyelid twitch.

"What the hell?" Eel muttered, her stomach churning in anger. What was Squid doing? _What the fuck was he doing?_ He couldn't flirt with a girl from _her own tent_ right in front of her.

She tossed her sandwich away, her appetite gone.

"Y'know, she talks about Squid a lot," Catwoman told Eel. "The other day she said the thought he was pretty cute."

Her jaw clenched, Eel eyed Red's hand moving down to his leg, where it stayed on his knee. She had a sudden urge to throw something blunt and heavy in their direction.

"You might want to jump in there before she steals your man," Catwoman said.

Ducking her head down to hide her face behind her hat, she reached behind her and dragged her shovel next to her. Her hands felt like they couldn't quite get the right grip on it.

"He's not…" Eel swallowed hard, feeling like she might throw up. She scratched at the button on her bracelet. "He's not my man."

Walker snorted. "Uh, yeah, he is, and everybody knows it."

When they resumed digging, she couldn't stop looking over her shoulder. She kept hearing Red laughing, which made her insides burn. Eel grit her teeth as the Warden shouted at her for a third time to get back to work.

They were released in the late afternoon, long after the other groups had finished. Squid and Red walked back to camp together, earning uneasy looks from members of both groups.

Eel, flanked by Karate and Walker, kept several feet away, scowling the entire trip. There was a lot more touching than earlier, which only riled her up further. As Red touched his arm, she nearly boiled over with rage.

They sat together in the Wreck Room, playing poker, Red's leg pressed against his as they played a card game. The cue stick creaked under the pressure of Eel's clenched hands.

Unable to face Red in the Mess Hall, Eel skipped dinner. She snuck into a counselors' tent, rummaging through cubbies for loose shower tokens so she might have twenty minutes of privacy.

There was a fire burning in her chest, but the icy water couldn't penetrate her sternum to put it out. The fire raged against her ribcage, the heat reviving her angry impulses, and, before she could stop herself, she hurled her fist into the wall.

Pain writhed through her hand, reverberating up through her bones and muscles until her entire arm throbbed. She bared her teeth, her breath ragged wheezing through her mouth. Tears soaked through her closed eyelids, hot against her cheeks until the spray from the shower chilled it. She lifted her left hand, trembling from the cold and pain, and hit the wall a second time with all the strength she could muster.

She bit down on her tongue to cushion the scream that forced itself out. She waited for the pain in her hands, which were still pressed to the wall, to dull the slightest.

Taking several large, gulping breaths, Eel drew away from the wall. She stared at her bleeding hands where the hung at her sides. Then, she lifted her dominant hand, gritting her teeth against the protests of her arm. She swung again, this time putting her weight into the punch.

She let her tongue go, her distressed shrieks coming out with each quick pant, but didn't stop. With her left hand, she repeated the strike.

The third round didn't hurt much more than the second. But then again, the screams of her abused hands were so excruciating that she had probably reached her difference threshold.

By the fourth, the dizziness set in and she knew she needed to stop, but she couldn't. She deserved this pain, and so much worse. Squid had told her he _loved her_ and she pushed him away. She pushed him in Red's direction.

At the fifth round, her head spun so violently that she had to lean against the wall. She lifted her hands, but couldn't see the extent of the damage through the blood and tremors. She held them under the shower stream, holding back sobs as the water freed her of the red mess. Regret was already pooling in her stomach, complimentary to the hallowed ache that smoldered in her chest, left behind by the fire that had consumed her to the point of destruction.

* * *

The pain of her raw knuckles starting to sunburn couldn't distract her from Squid and Red, though. Every time she heard his laugh, she shoveled through her rage with dirt, forcing her aching hands to move.

"Gill was so mad last night," Catwoman told her. "I'm pretty sure I've never seen her so pissed before." She scuttled away with her wheelbarrow as Mr. Sir turned in their direction.

"Red was asking if she could sit with D-Tent," Walker continued for her.

" _What?_ " Eel's head whipped around to stare at her. "What did Gill say?"

"Well, after she stopped choking on her chili, she told Red that she'd put her cot outside if she sat with them."

"Christ," Eel muttered, relieved. She glanced over her shoulder, feeling a little smug that Gill had prevented them from being together at dinner.

When Pendanski returned with food in the water truck, the inmates eagerly lined up to receive food.

Eel stood with her canteen tucked against her chest. The plastic handle was too tight on her swollen fingers and hurt to carry regularly. As she awkwardly handed over the plastic bottle between her palms, Pendanski raised an eyebrow.

"What happened to your hands?" he asked loudly.

Her nostrils flaring, Eel scowled at him. He had gotten the attention of everyone in the area, and now she could feel their stares boring into the back of her head.

"I shut the tent door on 'em," she growled. That was what the inmates always said when they had injuries, whether they were self-inflicted or earned in a fight. The counselors didn't need to know where they really came from.

Pendanski shook his head, exasperated. He handed her full canteen back and turned to the H-Tent counselor. "Ida, would you take over here?" He grasped Eel's shoulder with a little more pressure than necessary and walked her over to the cab of the truck. "Let me take a look. I can wrap them up for you."

"I don't need you to—" Eel stopped abruptly when he shot her a warning look. Slinging the strap of her canteen over her head, she held her hands out.

He felt around with his thumbs, avoiding the scabbed skin, frowning when she hissed and jerked away from him. "I think you might have a fracture," he said. "Nothing you can do except keep from exacerbating it." He opened the door of the truck and yanked out a small First Aid kit from behind the passenger's seat.

She allowed him to dab an antiseptic onto her hands and wrap them in gauze, muttering a thank you before shuffling away awkwardly. Keep from exacerbating it. What stupid advice, she thought. Considering she had to dig a five-foot hole every damn day, _exacerbating_ it was unavoidable.

She caught Squid's eye as she joined Walker. His head cocking to the side, he squinted at her curiously. She considered flipping him off, but decided against it. She didn't want to _exacerbate her injury_.

* * *

When Pendanski delivered mail in the Wreck Room the next day, he called Eel's name. He glanced at the return address as he handed it to her, raising an eyebrow curiously.

It was from Barfbag.

Fighting back a frustrated scream, she made a beeline for her tent.

As she paced across the floor of the empty tent, she felt around the envelope, wincing at the pain the third-day injuries caused. The new letter was thicker than the last one. The last one was still under her pillow, waiting to be read. She had lost the nerve to read it immediately after her run-in with Squid.

 _Stop being a baby_ , she told herself. _You have to read it_. She had been putting it off for far too long. Even if Barfbag was mad at her, she would just have to deal with it. It was time for her to get her shit together and read the damn letter.

Voices neared the entrance of the tent. In a wild frenzy, Eel swiped the first letter from under her pillow and shoved them both into her pocket.

"Hey, Eel," Gill greeted her. "Karate's gonna show me how to judo throw someone. Wanna join us?"

Eel pursed her lips. Teaching Gill how to judo throw someone was possibly the dumbest idea she'd ever heard. She didn't doubt that she would try to use it on Red if she stepped out of line any time soon.

"I'll pass," she said, certain that if she did accept, she would be the victim for practice's sake. The pain in her hands was enough for now, she decided. "I was gonna go play pool or something." She frowned at Karate, who shrugged.

Gill started pushing the cots away from the center of the room. "Cool."

Eel headed in the direction of the Wreck Room. She couldn't read the letters around the other campers, but behind the building was always a good spot. Most of the campers either hung out in the Wreck Room, their tents, or by the basketball hoop.

But Eel apparently wasn't the only person that wanted privacy, and as she rounded the back corner of the building, she just about lost her shit.

* * *

Unable to use her hands, Eel circled her arm in front of Red's throat and dragged her backwards. Her mouth disconnected from Squid's with a pop and her feet caught on a rock as Eel hurled her straight into the ground. Startled and bewildered, Squid stared, his hands still raised where Red's waist had been.

"Get lost," Eel growled, her face livid and voice murderous.

"What the fuck, Eel?" Red scrambled up, aiming a punch at Eel's neck.

Unfazed, Eel coiled her leg back and sent a kick right into Red's hipbone. The thinner girl swiveled back, her shoulder slamming into the wall.

"What do you not understand about _get lost_?" Eel hissed through a clenched jaw. "I'm not Gill. Empty threats are not my game, so do yourself a favor and _fuck off_."

"You're a fucking psycho," Red sneered, stumbling away.

"Your observation skills are truly impressive," Eel called after her.

"What the fuck is your problem, Eel?" Squid grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. His lips were still red and had glitter from Red's lip gloss.

She stepped closer to him, glaring up at him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she demanded, an angry heat spreading down her neck and through her chest. "What're you playing at – making a move on someone from _my_ tent?"

"What do you care?" Squid asked. "You dumped me."

"What do I – what do fucking care?" Eel pummeled his chest with open palms. Pain spiked through her arms, but adrenaline dulled each hit. "So, what, I can't get mad at you for crap but it's totally okay when you do? Why am I not allowed to question you? Don't _even_ – don't you _fucking dare_ , you asshole."

"Don't _what_ , Eel?"

Eel blinked up at him, her eyes burning and nostrils flaring. God, he was the stupidest person she'd ever met. "Don't you dare kiss some other fucking girl like it's nothing after all the shit you put me through," she said, feeling a sting in her nose. "You are so back and forth and I can't even keep up so just _fucking stop it_." She glared through her tear-blurred vision. She wanted to hate him so much, to blame him for all the shit she was feeling, but she would just be lying to herself.

"It's not like I'm serious about her," Squid protested, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Somehow, I don't think she's on the same page as you," Eel said with a snort. She dragged her sleeve over her eyes, rubbing away the moisture before it could spill onto her face. God, what was happening to her that she could cry in front of Squid and it just seemed _normal_. "You know she wanted to sit with you at dinner yesterday? Gill's learning how to judo throw people, and I can guess who she wants to use that on. I don't even know that I'd stop her."

"Jesus Christ," he said, running a hand over his face. "Look," he started slowly, a dent appearing between his eyebrows. "I'm only hangin' out with her 'cause X-Ray said I should. I really didn't think it would get this far." He leaned against the wall, shaking his head. "I would've left her alone if I'd've known it would make you this jealous."

Eel balked, her face glowing bright red. She swallowed, trying to force down the squirming in her stomach. "Won't be making that mistake again," she said, unable to reign in the bitterness in her voice. "I don't need to be wasting energy on a guy that don't give a shit about me."

He frowned. "Where in the hell did you get that from?"

"Look, I'm obviously not an expert in relationships, but I'm pretty sure you don't pretend to have feelings for one girl and then go make out with another one." She cocked an eyebrow, daring him to argue with her.

"I wasn't pretending to have feelings for you," he said, his eyes narrowing.

"How can you even fucking say that?" Eel exclaimed. "What do you expect me believe, when all you've been doing is screwing me over?"

A growl ripping through his throat, he turned suddenly, swinging his foot into the side of the building. "God dammit, Eel," he shouted. "You're such a fucking hypocrite."

Eel took a step away as he faced her again, but Squid grabbed the front of her jumpsuit and shoved her against the wall.

"It's you, got it?" he hissed. "I don't fucking care about her. You're the one I give a shit about. But you're screwing me over too, baby. I—" He groaned and leaned his forehead against Eel's. "But it's always Gill and never me. Since day one, you picked her over me. I thought with all this truth or dare shit, you'd _finally_ pick me. But you're just like everyone else."

"Squid, what are you talking—"

He released her shirt and circled his arms around her waist. Eel was horrified to see the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

"You love me, I know you do," he said, his voice watery and wavering. He blinked, his eyelashes flicking her with wetness. "But it won't ever matter because no matter what I do, I'll always come second to her."

"Squid…" Eel reached up and cupped his face in her palms. She hated herself for making him cry, but she didn't know what do.

He dropped his head onto her shoulder, and Eel held his shaking form against her chest.

"Every time you choose her over me, she dangles you in front of me and makes you fight me," he said against her shirt. "She uses you to get to me, and you just let her."

He took a long shuddering breath and clutched her closer, and Eel bit her lips to keep from breaking down with him.

She pressed her cheek against his hair, her chest aching as she tightened her grip on him. She could barely think through the agony and regret. Her head felt so heavy that her legs might give out beneath her, but Squid was the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

"I love you, Lily, why isn't that enough?" he asked. Eel felt the tears sliding over her cheeks against her will. "Why can't you just pick me?"

"It's just not that simple," she said, her tight throat scratching against her words. "I don't know what do to."

Squid pulled away, breaking out of her arms, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. "We're so fucked up, baby."

"I'm sorry," Eel said, sniffling. She braced herself against the wall, her legs locked on the ground. She covered her mouth with her hands to hide her increasingly disgusting face. "All I do is hurt you and I'm so fucking sorry. I'm not worth all of this, Alan."

"To me you are," he said. His face hardened into a sad scowl. "I'd wait on you forever, but we don't have that kind of time, baby." He drew close to her again, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you later, Lil."

And then he was gone, his tall frame following along the back of the buildings, towards the tents.


	11. Chapter 11

**October 1997**

* * *

Lily sat at the window seat on her way to hell. The entire bus was empty, so she was free to do so. Well – as free as she could be with her hands cuffed to the seat in front of her.

From the front of the bus, a single guard watched her, a rifle in his hands. He had offered her one luxury, and that was to open the window next to her. She had accepted, the stiff air smothering her throat without air-conditioning.

The air that blew through the window was hot and dry, whipping her hair back, evaporating the sweat dripping down her neck until it left a salty, white residue. She supposed it could have been worse. She could have been wearing pants.

Between her feet sat her backpack, which held a few changes of clothes, a simple set of toiletries, and a notebook and pen. Before she had left, she had given what few friends she had the address of Camp Green Lake in hopes that they'd write, but she could tell it was unlikely.

Lily hadn't really expected Camp Green Lake to be a fun summer camp, especially not in the middle of October, but she hadn't expected it to be a complete desert wasteland either. For hours and miles, all she had seen was dirt, dirt, and even more dirt. She was glad for her judge's warning to dress for the heat. Her denim shorts had felt awful in Abilene's early morning chill, but now she didn't even envy the guard's uniform slacks.

As the camp came into view, Lily leaned forward to push her glasses farther up her slick nose. She tried to get a look at the camp, but was quickly distracted by the holes.

They were huge, definitely big enough for her to fit in one. A few of them had teenagers in orange jumpsuits inside of them, flinging dirt out of the holes with shovels. Girls and boys near the road stopped and stood straight up in their holes, staring at the bus as it passed.

Lily stared back in disbelief. Is this what she would be doing for the next year?

The bus came to a stop in front of a small building with a sign that read "Camp Green Lake Juvenile Correction Facility." The guard stood up and unlocked her handcuffs. He led her off the bus, where a small crowd had formed.

She stepped out of the sweaty bus and into the dusty desert air, trying to massage the red rings that the handcuffs had rubbed into her skin. About a dozen girls and boys, some covered in dirt, some clean, all different ages, stared at her expectantly. She blushed under their scrutiny, feeling naked with her arms and legs showing. She wished she had worn jeans instead.

"Just a nerd," one boy scoffed, shuffling away with a few friends in disappointment.

Swallowing down her embarrassment, Lily shouldered her backpack and followed the guard into an air-conditioned office. At the small desk, a man with beady eyes and sideburns contouring his cheekbones glared at her. He dropped his cowboy boot clad feet to the ground, reaching up to remove the cigarette from his thin lips.

"Lilian Vargas, I presume?" he asked in a scratchy voice. He pronounced her name like _Lily Anne_ (Which she supposed was correct, but she had never heard anyone actually separate the names). He nodded to the wooden chair in front of the desk. "Siddown."

Dropping her bag to the floor, Lily slumped into the chair. She placed her hands in her lap, flat against her thighs, where both the cowboy and the guard could see them.

"My name is Mr. Sir," the cowboy said. "When you speak to me, you are to call me by my name. We clear, _Lily Anne_?" He plunked his cigarette into the ashtray in front of him while he looked over a file folder.

Lily nodded. "Yes, sir." Dammit. "Yes, Mr. Sir." As he turned a page in the folder, briefly flashing her mugshot at her, smoke wafted towards her and she scrunched her face as her nose stung.

"Arrested for arson and destruction of public property," Mr. Sir said, lifting his eyebrow as he gave Lily a doubtful look. "Lit up your high school faculty building?

"Yes, Mr. Sir," she repeated in a mumble. She knew she looked pretty unimpressive for the crime she had committed – there was no need to rub it in.

"Few things you oughta know," he continued, tossing aside her file. "There will be no sex. With the boys, girls, nobody. Ain't nobody gonna care if you have yourself a boyfriend, but if you are caught having any kind of sexual relations with anyone, you will be sent to the Warden, and, trust me, you do not want to know what the Warden will do to you. Clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Sir." Heat crept up her neck. She didn't bother telling him that he wouldn't have to worry about her. Judging by the reaction of the crowd earlier, she would have no problem repelling boys – a talent she had never been lacking in.

"Every day, you will dig one hole, five feet deep and five feet in diameter. Your shovel is your measuring stick." Hearing footsteps on the wooden porch, he eyed the door. "You'll need to watch out for critters while you're out digging. Rattle snakes, scorpions, spiders – you leave them alone and they'll leave you alone. But, whatever you do, don't get bit by a yellow-spotted lizard. You will die." He sounded so bored with his speech that Lily wondered how many times he had repeated it.

The door to the office open and a skinny blond woman stepped in, a clipboard tucked under her arm. She gave Lily a cheerful smile.

"Lilian Vargas? Hi, I'm Ida, and I will be your counselor while you are here at Camp Green Lake." She spoke like she wasn't at a juvenile correction facility. Lily half expected her to show her where they would be waterskiing.

Lily stood, leaning over to shake her hand. "Um, I go by Lily," she stammered.

"You a shy girl, _Lily Anne_?" Mr. Sir asked, smirking as he handed the guard a bottle of Coke.

Lily shrugged. "I guess."

"You better get over it," Mr. Sir warned with a cold guffaw. "Or they'll tear you apart."

* * *

Making a stop at the room next door to Mr. Sir's office, Ida shoved two jumpsuits, a pair of boots, a towel, and a plastic water bottle with a rope tied around the neck into Lily's arms. Ida took off towards the tents, all the while assuring her that the girls in her tent were good girls that would adore her. Slinging the canteen over her shoulder, Lily scurried after the woman, Mr. Sir's warning still floating in the back of her head.

Several campers spilled out of the building that Ida called the recreation hall. They stared at her with mixed expressions.

"Damn, baby," one boy said, chewing on a toothpick while shooting her a crooked grin. He was flanked by a tall boy with wild blond hair and a much shorter black boy with glasses. "You can come play pool with me anytime."

Unsure if that was a euphemism, Lily ducked her head and hurried after Ida, the boys' laughter loud and echoing as it chased her.

Lily's tent was in the third row and had a large H painted on the tent flaps. There was one girl in the tent, sitting at a cot, her damp hair dripping onto the towel around her neck. She looked up in surprise when Ida and Lily entered.

"Oh, Sophia, I'm glad you're here!" Ida exclaimed. She gestured for the girl to come over.

Sophia stood up, tossing the towel onto the cot, and walked over. She flicked her hair back, revealing to scars on her throat that disappeared under the collar of her jumpsuit.

"This is Lily, Sophia. She will be your new tentmate."

"My name is Gill," Sophia said, glaring at Ida. She offered Lily her hand. Her grip was tight and her palms dry and calloused.

"All the campers have nicknames," Ida explained. "You'll get one eventually. But I will call all of you by your real names." She glanced down at her clipboard. "Sophia, I'm assigning you to be Lily's mentor. Introduce her to the other girls and maybe show her around a little before dinner."

Gill nodded, watching Ida with a scrutinizing glare as the counselor left the tent.

"Did they give you a canteen?" she asked when the tent flaps stopped swinging.

Lily elbowed the canteen hanging at her hip, her hands full of supplies.

"Oh, yeah, you'll sleep there," Gill said, pointing to the last cot on the left. "Where Alby used to sleep." She then pointed to the cubbies at the back of the tent. "Use the empty one to put your stuff in."

"Alby seems like a normal name," Lily commented, shuffling to her cot. She dumped her jumpsuits onto the sheets and folded on to put in her cubby.

"It was short for Albino," Gill said.

"Oh."

"Is that the new girl?" Lily turned to see three girls standing at the entrance of the tent.

"Yeah," Gill said, lazing across her cot.

The tallest girl strode up to Lily, giving her a quick once-over. She didn't offer to shake hands; Lily was fine with that. Unimpressed, the girl snickered. "You gotta name?" she asked.

Lily tugged self-consciously at the hem of her shirt, and it dawned on her that wearing her Bible Camp Counselor t-shirt probably wasn't the best idea. She probably looked like some preppy, small-town rich kid. "Lily," she said.

"I'm Rook," the girl said, flipping back her dirty blond hair. "This is Domino, and Skeeter." She pointed over her shoulder at the girls behind her. "You gotta mentor?"

"I'm her mentor," Gill spoke up.

Rook grunted. She plopped onto Lily's cot. "You should put that on," she said, pointing at the jumpsuit. "You've gotta wear it every day or they'll have you on kitchen duty."

"Thanks for the warning," Lily said, kicking off her tennis shoes and nudging them under the cot. Glancing at the other girls in the tent, she pulled the jumpsuit up to her waist and tied the sleeves together like they had done.

"What're you in for?" Skeeter said, lingering at the foot of Lily's cot. She had a deep voice, so deep Lily might have mistaken it for a boy if she hadn't been looking.

Lily's instinct was to avert her eyes and evade the question, but she remembered Mr. Sir's haunting words.

She had already made a bad decision with her stupid shirt. She didn't know that she could risk another wrong move. These weren't the kind of teenagers she was used to. These were criminals who had committed crimes that could have been as bad as her own – maybe worse.

Lily stared at Skeeter, purging her expression of emotion. "That's none of your business," she said, letting her voice flick low with the hint of a threat.

Skeeter's face twisted as if she was sucking on something sour. Domino and Rook both chortled, but their eyes held no humor.

"Whatever you say, dude," Domino said, bumping against Skeeter's shoulder. "Yo, that was the dinner bell. Let's go."

Rook slinked out of the tent after the two girls, still snickering.

"Word of advice?" Gill offered, sitting up. "They don't start letting you get away with attitude until you've been here for at least two weeks." She glanced at Lily's shirt. "Also, lose that shirt. And the glasses. They think you look like a wuss."

Lily frowned as Gill left the tent. She slid her glasses from her face, squinting around the tent. Her vision wasn't too horrible. Distance was her main issue, so she supposed she could go without wearing them. Folding the ear pieces, she set them at the back of her cubby.

She peeled her shirt off and tucked it into the bottom of her backpack. She grabbed the first shirt on the small stack. Unfolding it, she grimaced at the softball logo emblazoned across the front. She imagined anything that implied she had been a high school goody-goody with plenty of extracurriculars wouldn't be taken well.

To be fair, that's _exactly_ what she had been, up until the day she had been arrested. She hadn't really thought through her t-shirt choices. Bible camp, softball, robotics club, girls weightlifting…

Lily begrudgingly picked up the weightlifting shirt and tugged that over her head. She untied her jumpsuit and slipped her arms into the sleeves, buttoning it over her high school's logo. The jumpsuit was far too big for her. She assumed it was made for males that were much larger than her.

Lily stepped out into the desert, shielding her eyes against the burning sun that blazed into her eyes. She spotted a few inmates in orange at the front of the tent grid heading towards a building, and she jogged to catch up, remaining several yards behind as she followed them to the Mess Hall.

As she entered the cafeteria, she met the foul stench of body odor mixed with rotten food. She gagged, taking a step away from the door, smothering her mouth with her hand. Did no one else smell that?

"You get used to it."

She turned around, her head tilting back to get a look at the tall boy that had appeared behind her. He towered over her, his wild blond hair adding another three inches to his height. He stared back at her, his lanky arms folded over his chest.

"I somehow doubt it," came Lily's dry reply.

"You're the new girl," he stated. His eyes were a shocking electric blue, and they flicked down her character, lingering for a moment at the collar of her jumpsuit, which was so big around her neck that it showed the top of her t-shirt's design.

"Yeah. I'm Lily," she said. It had taken her a moment to realize it, but she had seen him before. He had been with the boy made the comment about playing pool.

"Not for long," he speculated, sticking his hand out. "I'm Zigzag." He smirked at her hesitation. "Or not." He stuck his hands into his pockets. "It ain't great, but you should eat. You'll regret it tomorrow if you don't." He stepped around her and joined the cafeteria line.

Lily stood at the door for a moment, until her nose got began to adjust to the awful stink, before marching to the line. She picked up a metal tray and scooted along the stations, letting the cafeteria workers splatter mush in varying shades of gray onto the tray.

She reached the end of the line without vomiting and turned to find a place to sit. She caught Zigzag's eye from a table at the back wall. Next to him, the pool boy watched her with a cocky grin. He lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers at her in a teasing wave.

"Yo, Lily, get over here." A few tables from the boys, the four members of her tent she had already met were sitting with two other girls. Domino was waving at her, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

She approached the table, ignoring the dirty looks Skeeter was shooting her. Rook snickered from the head of the table, appraising Lily's new outfit with disdain.

The girls were packed tightly on the end closest to Rook, the benches on either side of the table half unoccupied.

"You sit there," Rook said, pointing to the rickety stool at the other end of the table.

Lily sat, alone, and stared at her tray. She listened to the other girls giggling at her expense, wishing she could just dissipate into a dirt devil.


	12. Chapter 12

Part 2 of 3 of Eel's flashback to her first days at Camp Green Lake. Enjoy. :p

* * *

When the morning alarm went off at 4:30, Lily hadn't gotten much sleep. She cracked her eyes open, the dim lamps at the roof the tent just bright enough to show her the outlines of her tentmates as they got dressed.

Gill leaned over her, yanking the sheets away from her. "Get up. It's time to dig."

Lily saw the other girls leaving with nothing under their jumpsuits but sports bras, but she didn't follow in suit. She swapped out her weightlifting shirt for her softball shirt and buttoned the jumpsuit over her chest. Slinging her canteen of her shoulder, which she had filled up last night before lights out, she jogged after Gill.

She joined the back of the line, a few people behind her mentor. She leaned around the inmates to get a peek at what they were being served.

"Orange juice and honey tortillas."

Lily jumped, her head whipping around to see Zigzag standing behind her. He snickered, reaching up to scratch his neck. She couldn't tell if he had bedhead or if his hair was just naturally that wild.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doin' what?"

"Sneakin' up behind me." He laughed again.

"Ain't my fault you're jumpy," he said. He nudged her shoulder. "Move up."

Lily picked up a juice box. She had never been a fan of orange juice, but her tongue still had the aftertaste of whatever crap she had eaten last night.

"What the hell is that?"

"I told you," Zigzag said, impatiently reaching around her to snatch up breakfast. "Honey tortilla."

Lily took one, swallowing back a retch at the slimy feeling on her hand.

"You get used to it," Zigzag repeated, stalking off to a small building labelled Library.

Lily swallowed down her tortilla as she searched for Gill. The girl was waiting by the Library with Ida, who smiled cheerfully at Lily.

"How did you sleep?" Ida asked, ignoring Gill rolling her eyes.

"Fine," Lily said, rubbing her hands off on her jumpsuit.

"That's great. Why don't you get a shovel? Group H will be digging with Group D today."

Gill let Lily get in line for a shovel before her. "I hate D-Tent," she said, a scowl scrunching her features.

"Why?" Lily asked as they reached the building. A quick glance told her that all the shovels were the same. She took one at random.

"Because they're all a bunch of assholes. Especially Squid," Gill stated. She didn't bother to elaborate.

Lily set her shovel over her shoulder, a habit engrained in her from softball.

Ida waved at them. Next to her stood a man with khaki shorts and white tube socks pulled up to his knees. Lily cocked an eyebrow at the smear of sunscreen over his nose. He was wearing a large sunhat – why did he need sunscreen too?

"Over here girls," Ida called. Skeeter was already waiting with them, and she sneered at Lily.

"You must be Lily," said the man, his white nose spreading as he smiled. "My name is Dr. Pendanski. I'm the counselor for Group D." He offered to shake her hand, but Lily just stared blankly at him. What the hell was wrong with all the counselors here? Why were they all so chipper? How could they act like they were at some normal summer camp when they were taking care of a bunch of juvenile delinquents?

"Have you got everything, Lily?" Ida asked, flitting straight through the awkward silence.

Skeeter smirked. "Yeah, you got your shovel, Lily?" she asked.

Back at the Library, people started calling her name.

"Got your breakfast, Lily?"

"Got your juice box, Lily?"

She heard Rook back at the Library among the voices taunting her, but she ignored it, staring down at her feet.

"Yeah, Lils, you got everything?" This voice came from right behind her and was not female.

Lily whirled around, the blade of her shovel slamming against something solid. Whatever she hit dropped to the ground with a _fwump_.

"Owfuckow."

"Oh, my god." Dropping her shovel on the ground, she crouched next to the boy she had just hit with her shovel. " _Oh, my god_ , I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"You just hit me with a shovel!" came the deep, Southern reply. "What the hell do you think?" He pressed his hands over his left temple. His hat had been knocked off and laid on the ground beneath his head.

Lily glanced around, flushing red as a small crowd formed around them. Zigzag was amongst them, shaking with laughter as he stared down at the scene.

"Oh, please tell me you killed him," Gill said, appearing at her shoulder.

"Here, let me see your head," Lily said, pushing the boy's hand back. There was a bit of blood smeared on his forehead, but she ignored it and pressed her finger to the quickly swelling spot. It didn't seem too bad – hopefully not bad enough to cause a concussion.

"If this is your way of tellin' me not to hit on you, you coulda just asked."

"What?" Lily recoiled, her eyes flicking down to meet warm brown eyes. Her gaze traveled down a freckled nose and landed on a teasing grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes. Blinking in surprise, she realized this was the pool boy. "Oh, it's you." Her face burning, she offered him her hand. "Here, let me help you up."

"Everything alright over here?" Ida asked, pushing through the small crowd with Pendanski as Lily pulled the pool boy to his feet. "Oh, Alan, you're bleeding."

"No, I'm fine," he said, pressing his sleeve to his temple. He swiped his hat off the ground and replaced it on his head.

Lily picked up her shovel as the people dispersed, except for Gill and Zigzag.

"I told you not to sneak up on her," Zigzag said, pulling a pair of gloves from his pocket and putting them on. "She's jumpy."

"You should try it again tomorrow," Gill said, scowling. "Maybe she'll get you harder and you'll get a concussion." She trudged away to where their group waited with the counselors.

"Bitch," Alan muttered. Lily raised an eyebrow as she picked her shovel back up.

"Sorry for hitting you," Lily said. She made sure not to set her shovel on her shoulder.

"Ricky, Alan, Lily, let's get a move on," Pendanski called, beckoning them to join the group. "You don't want Lily to be out digging all day, do you?"

"C'mon," Alan said, slinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her along to the group waiting. "You get to dig with us today."

As he grinned at her, Lily felt her stomach flutter at the realization that his smile was really fucking nice. She turned her head, letting her bangs sweep over her forehead.

"I'm Squid," he added.

Lily frowned. How were these nicknames even picked? She was pretty sure she understood Gill's, but no one else's seemed to make sense. She knew rook was a chess piece, but she didn't know what the correlation between that and the tent leader was – or if it was even a reference to chess at all. Was Domino named for another game piece or was she obsessed with pizza? Hell if she knew. Where the hell the name Skeeter came from was beyond, and she really didn't think she wanted to know.

(Later on in the week, she would notice that Rook, in fact, had a black plastic chess piece sitting at the back of her cubby. It would take her a little longer to notice that Domino only wore t-shirts from the pizza chain. She explained that she worked there before she was arrested for assaulting a costumer and stole all the shirts as a Fuck You to her shitty manager. Once Skeeter warmed up to her, which took about a month, she told Lily the story of her first week out on the lake, where she had slapped Mr. Sir hard on the back, and exclaimed, "Thought you had a big ole Skeeter on ya, Mr. Sir!")

"Making friends already?" Pendanski asked as they joined the group. The girls in her group jeered at her behind the backs of the counselors, clearly unamused with the attention she was getting.

Lily grimaced. Pendanski was like an embarrassing parent. Except worse, because she could see right through the fake friendliness.

"Well, let's get you out on the lake so you can start digging!" Ida exclaimed, an elfish grin perking her face.

"Yo, get over here, Lily," Rook ordered.

She ducked under Squid's arm, scurrying over to her group. She peeked over her shoulder at him, the corners of her mouth tilting upward.

He pulled something small from his pocket and raised his hand to his mouth. Catching her eye, he shot her a smirk before putting the object into his mouth. He rolled the toothpick between his teeth and winked at her.

* * *

Ida marked a spot on the ground with the toe of her boot. "You will dig here, Lily," she said. "Dr. Pendanski, Mr. Sir, and I will come back every few hours to refill canteens and check on everyone's progress. Lunch will be provided around eleven."

"Better get started," Pendanski said. "The sooner you finish, the sooner you will be able to get out of the hot sun."

As the counselors walked back towards the camp, Lily pressed the tip of her shovel against the ground, trying to break through the layer of hardened earth. Her shovel resisted, only leaving a small dent in the dirt.

Feeling the eyes of the others fixing to her face, she ducked her head so they couldn't see her frustrated expression.

Digging holes shouldn't have been hard for her. She knew she didn't look like much, but she should have been strong enough to dig this stupid hole.

"Having trouble?" Squid called, his eyes squinted against the rising sun.

Lifting the shovel straight up, Lily drove the point against the ground. The flat ground cracked at the impact. Lily jammed the blade of her shovel into the crack and stomped her foot down on the top edge of the shovel blade.

Scooping out her first shovelful of dirt, Lily lifted her head, shooting Squid a smug grin. "Nope."

"Look at you go, baby girl," he said.

Lily turned pink at the pet name and continued digging.

The sun expanded and ascended on the horizon, racing across the desert and beating into the back of Lily's neck. She had tied her hair up that morning, and she couldn't decide if she regretted it or not. She didn't burn easily (a hereditary gift from her parents), but she doubted she could avoid it when she was out in the sun every day for hours at a time.

Lily had disregarded the warnings about blisters – she wasn't a stranger to manual labor. But as the heat cloaked her working body, a sheen of sweat broke out across her skin, seeped in between her hand and the shovel. She repeated the motion of slicing her shovel into the earth and hauling out a bit of dirt for what felt like a hundred times before she dropped her shovel and picked up her canteen.

She gulped down half of the bottle, trying to force the water to soak into her dried tongue. Her hands throbbed against the pressure of the warm plastic. When she dropped her canteen, she glared down at her hands. Sure enough, at the highest points of her palms, the layers of skin were separated, the top layers stretching to fill with plasma.

Grimacing, she picked her shovel back up, trying to readjust her grip on the shaft of the shovel. It didn't work; every time her shovel hit dirt, it jerked back into its natural position. Forcing herself to focus on something other than the discomfort in her hands, she got back to work. The rhythm of her shovel, the pulse in her lips, the expansion of her chest as she breathed. She alternated between things once they became too dull for her to keep up.

Finally, she heard the growling engine and crackle of the tires rolling over the crunchy crust of the desert. She looked up, seeing the water truck driving in their direction, a cloud of dust billowing out from the tires. Sighing with relief, she shoveled out a few more scoops of dirt while she waited for the water truck to stop.

"Let's go, Lily," Rook said as she passed her hole, clapping her on the shoulder. "Water break."

She stepped out of her hole, her legs aching at the change of position, and followed her tent leader. Her other tentmates sped past her, inserted themselves into line behind the back end of the truck, all the while shooting her pointed glares.

Falling into place at the back of the line, behind Gill, Lily was pretty sure she got the message. They were ranked, whether by time spent at Green Lake or by some other reason she didn't know. Either way, her place was dead last, and she wasn't allowed to move ahead.

"How're your hands?" Gill asked, turning to face Lily.

"Um, not bad, I guess," Lily said, lifting her palms to inspect them again. The sacs of plasma had grown in severity and popped against the handle of her shovel. A few had blood oozing in trace amounts. She knew that the more she dug, the worse they would be. Soon the loose skin would peel away, exposing raw flesh to the dry, dirty shaft of the shovel.

Gill smirked. "You have fun with that."

Pendanski greeted her with that same shit-eating grin at the water tank. "Hello, there, Lily. How's your hole coming along?"

She glared at him from underneath her eyelashes, the muscles in her jaw tensing. "Fine," Lily said, snatching her canteen back as soon as he held it out and hurrying back to her hole.

She stood at the edge of her hole, folding a lower leg behind her and hooking her wrist under her ankle, sighing at the alleviation of her quad. Her toe dropped to the ground when she released and she shifted to repeat the process on her other leg.

Reaching for her shovel, she turned to see Zigzag and Squid approaching her hole. "Hey," she said.

Zigzag glanced around her, smirking at the progress on her hole. "You're gonna be here until dinner," he said.

"Thanks for your vote of confidence," Lily said, frowning at him.

"Do you got blisters yet?" Squid asked, snagging her wrist and turning her hand over. "Gross, you're bleedin'."

"No one asked you to look at it," Lily snapped. She tried to yank her hand away, but Squid tightened his grip on her.

"Hold on, lemme help," he said. He lifted his canteen and tucked it between his forearm and chest, twisting off the cap and sticking it between his teeth with his toothpick. He poured a little bit of water over her palm, and rubbed away dirt with his relatively clean thumb.

Lily winced, but let him do the same to the other hand and dry off her hands with his t-shirt.

"All better," he said, grinning around toothpick as he put the cap back on his canteen.

Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling back at him. She inspected his dirtied face, finding herself comparing him to Johnny, the boy back home she liked.

Johnny had always been subtly attractive. He was quiet and unnoticeable, always hidden away behind books and oversized glasses. After a year of being in the Robotics Club together, Lily had finally realized that she had a crush on him. They were opposite sides of a coin, contrasting colors on the same painting. He was calm and collected, and she wild and impetuous. He brought her down a notch, and she forced him out of his comfort zone.

Like herself, Squid seemed to be the polar opposite of Johnny. He had dark hair and eyes, and a rather cute smile that tended to be pulled into a cocky grin. Johnny was always modest, and never had a rude bone in his body.

Despite her mild bias to the shier boy, she found Squid much more attractive than Johnny. He was more confident – sure of himself. He was several inches taller than Johnny, towering over her without being intimidating. His demeanor was relaxed and friendly, but his lopsided smirk gave her the impression of a slight bad-boy complex.

She didn't like think so highly of herself, but she couldn't help but find his behavior towards her inherently flirty. Of course, she wasn't an expert in the matter, but she was pretty sure she could tell when a guy liked her.

Tugging her hand out of his, she wondered if this was how he treated all girls at Green Lake or if she were an exception. Her attention flitted across the dig site, where Gill was busy at her hole. Gill had made it clear that she didn't like Squid and Lily was very curious why.

"Thanks," she said, her voice a little cooler than she would have preferred. He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

Zigzag pulled a pair of gloves from his pocket and held them out to her. "Here, you can use these until you start getting used to digging."

Judging by his averted gaze, Lily got the sense that Zigzag wasn't always so nice and thoughtful. He seemed to be glued to the other boys of D-Tent and she hadn't seen him interact with any girl except for herself.

"Thanks, Zig," Lily said, shooting him a grin.

"Yeah, whatever," he mumbled, whirling around and stalking back to his hole.

"I don't think he's used to talking to girls," Squid said, smirking after Zigzag.

"And I'm not used to talking to boys, so I guess we're in the same boat," Lily said. Her hands were much smaller than Zigzag's, and the size of his gloves reminded her of her softball glove.

"You do alright with me," Squid said, shrugging. "Better get back to work, baby. You don't want to be out here with the lizards." He walked back to his hole.

Lily picked up her shovel and continued digging. The inner lining of Zigzag's gloves didn't feel wonderful against her blisters, but it was better the rough wood of the shovel handle.

At midday, she was so exhausted she didn't even want to lift her arms to eat lunch. Gill laughed at her, but insisted that she force down the crappy sandwich she was provided with.

With each passing hour, her pace slackened. Every muscle in her body ached and screamed with every movement. Her hand stung at her grip on the shovel. She needed to stretch her back, but she couldn't spend the extra time she needed to do that not digging. The back of her neck burned under the unwavering glare of the sun.

One-by-one, the inmates around her hauled themselves out of their holes and headed back to camp. Skeeter paused at the edge of her hole, a nasty grin lifting her face as she kicked a small pile of dirt back into the hole. They kept leaving until she was the last one fighting the elements.

By the time she finished, she could tell that it was late in the afternoon. She sank into the bottom of her hole, finding comfort in the small bit of shade it provided. She hurt so bad after digging one hole, and she knew tomorrow would only be worse.

She couldn't remember how she managed to climb out of her hole, but when she did, she laid on the ground for a long moment before she pulled herself upright and walked back to camp, dragging her shovel behind her.

Gill was waiting at the tent when Lily returned to the compound, lounging across her cot. She sat up as Lily took a sluggish step over the threshold.

"You made it," she said. "Thought you had died out there and I was gonna have to come get rid of your body."

Lily tried to smile, but she was pretty sure it showed as a grimace.

"Hurry up and take a shower," Gill said, roughly massaging her scalp with her towel. "I've still gotta give you a tour around camp."

"Right."


	13. Chapter 13

We've made it to the third and final part of Eel's flashback, bless. At the end, she reverts back to normal time so there's that. Enjoy :p

* * *

"And this is the Wreck Room," Gill said, her arms outstretched as she spun in a circle.

Lily raised an eyebrow, eyeing a bit of fluff extruding from a torn chair. She wondered when this tour would be over. Her cot was calling out to her aching muscles and sleepy mind.

"Yeah, I know. It sucks. But what can we do?" Gill pointed to the small tables with decks of cards. "Those are for playing poker, but we haven't found a deck that's got all the right cards."

Lily frowned. Couldn't they just swap the cards out from other decks? She didn't say it. The other girls in their tent didn't like much already, and she was sure Gill had grown wary of her when she started talking to Squid.

"There's pool tables," Gill pointed again. "Everyone cheats though. There's sort of a TV, but it doesn't really work. Zigzag's always watching it anyway." She rolled her eyes, glaring in the blond boy's direction.

The screen was too fuzzy to see anything, but Zigzag's eyes were fixed on the snowy window. Next to him, Squid sat, his back slumped against the couch cushion.

He seemed to hear Gill, and glanced over at the girls. His attention flicked over Gill, landing on Lily, and his face lit with a grin.

"Hey, Lil," he called, motioning for her to join him and Zigzag.

"Ugh, what does he want?" Gill growled, crossing her arms over her chest as she followed Lily.

Lily paused, frowning over her shoulder. Gill still hadn't explained why she didn't like Squid, and seemed to make it a point to make fun of him at every given chance.

Gill waved dismissively. "Go on."

Squid padded the spot between him and Zigzag as Lily approached. "Whatcha up to, baby girl?" he asked when she sat. He had another toothpick in his mouth. His arm was slung across the top of the couch, the sleeve of his jumpsuit tickling the back of her neck.

Lily tugged at her bracelet, a blush coloring her cheeks. He enjoyed calling her pet names, she had realized. While she didn't mind, it wasn't something she was used to from people other than her mother.

He reminded her of the stock show boys at her school – tall and strong with a thick Texas accent. Boys like that were easygoing, but always popular and out of her league. She had to admit, she had a weak spot for guys like that, but none of them had never liked her. It didn't matter how nice she was, robotics nerds were not desirable. She supposed she had only settled for Johnny because she believed he was the only guy that she had a chance of her crush being reciprocated.

"Gill was showin' me around," Lily said, nodding at Gill, who had plopped down on a chair nearby. She glanced at the television uneasily. "What're y'all watchin'?"

Squid shrugged, gazing around her to Zigzag, who frowned at her. She turned to the TV, assessing the grainy screen and then the antenna. Sure, part of the problem was probably reception – they were in the middle of the desert, so it was to be expected. But it was also old, and Lily figured there was a chance she could remove some of the fuzziness.

"I could try to fix that for you," she offered, motioning towards the television. Zigzag stared at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm real good with electronics. I can take a look at the inside and make sure the wires are all correct." She pulled the collar of her t-shirt up, forcing him to look at the insignia over her left breast. "Look, Robotics Team Captain. Lily Vargas, that's me. I work on computers all the time. I know what I'm doing."

He studied her shirt for a moment before relaxing against the couch. He shrugged. "Go for it."

She pulled herself up from the couch and circled the back end of the TV. God, the thing was ancient. Considering her last encounter, she actually questioned whether she was capable of messing with something like that.

Don't be stupid, she said to herself, shaking the thought from her head. She didn't plan to make this one explode. She was just readjusting the wires and making sure everything was in the right place.

She unplugged it, careful to avoid the spots on the power cord where the rubber had worn away to leave copper showing, and sat behind it. Using her thumbnail to loosen the screws, she popped the panel off the back of the TV

"Holy shit, this is old," she said, leaning back as a puff of dust sprayed at her. She wafted it away, scrunching her nose to keep from sneezing.

She squinted into the TV, realizing that maybe her vision problems weren't just distance. Making sure to only touch rubber, she started checking the colored wires. She could hear her brother's voice in the back of her head, berating her for not using any tools or protective gear.

 _Suck a dick, Ty_ , she thought, her eyebrows furrowing as she pushed a wire back into place.

Someone crouched beside her.

Her eyes narrowing, Lily tried to force herself to focus on what she was doing, but whoever stood next to her clearly wanted her attention.

"You sure you know what you're doing, sweetheart?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

Lily glanced over the top of the TV at Squid, who glared at the guy next to her. Zigzag's expression was nearly as severe, but it was clear that the boys did not like this guy.

"Pretty fucking sure," she said coolly, slanting an indifferent glance at him. He was skinny and long, like a skeleton. The top half of his jumpsuit dangled from his waist and he was wearing a clinging wife beater, revealing bony arms. His grin was unsettling.

"Aw, you don't gotta play tough for these fools, yaknow?" he said, bumping her shoulder with the back of his hand.

"And you don't gotta touch me," Lily snapped back. It would be an awful shame if she got distracted and ended up hurting him.

"Yeah, you tell him, baby," Squid hooted. Lily ducked her head behind the TV, smiling to herself.

"Man, piss off, Squid," the guy said.

Lily scowled, her temper running short. She could now see her brother's disapproving glare floating across her irises. _Suck ten dicks, Ty_.

Plugging the TV back in, she gathered the excess cord in her hands. She turned to the guy and spat on his bare forearm. Before he could react, she wrapped the power cord around his wrist, copper in saliva.

There was a sharp crackling noise, and the guy shrieked in pain. Snickering, Lily removed the cord from his sizzling arm.

Squid, Zigzag, and Gill howled with laughter.

He leapt away, frantically wiping the spit off his arm. "You're fucking crazy," he sneered.

"Okay, bye," Lily said pointedly. She peeked over at Zigzag, who was still grinning wildly at her. "Is that better?" He nodded. She pushed the back panel back into place and put the screws in.

It really wasn't much better. She sat back down next to Squid, watching the vague shapes moving on the screen. There was a little more color, but no less fuzz. Zigzag seemed to enjoy to enjoy it, though.

"So… Robotics Team Captain?" Squid asked, his jaw working against his toothpick.

Lily stared at her hands, her face tinting pink with embarrassment. "Yeah," she confirmed. "I kind of come from a family of nerds." Her older brother had been Robotics Team Captain when he was in high school. Her parents were brilliant as well – her mother a doctor and her father an engineer.

Squid's expression was warm as he slid his arm off the couch and drew her into a side hug. "It's cool, baby," he said. He reached around her to tap the other boy's shoulder. "Yo, Zig. Sparky – whaddya think?"

Gill snorted, leaning forward in her chair. "No. Hell no," she said. "Definitely not Sparky. She's not a dog."

"Well, you're not a fish," Zigzag pointed out, raising a pale eyebrow.

"Whatever," Gill said, waving her hand impatiently. "Sparky's dumb as shit."

Lily's eyebrows knit together as she glanced back and forth between Squid and Gill, who were glaring daggers at each other. What the hell were they talking about?

"Well, d'you got any ideas?" Squid asked. He still had an arm around Lily, and he pulled her against him, as if trying to shield her from Gill.

Gill stared at Lily for a moment and it clicked. They were trying to nickname her, weren't they?

"Eel," she said finally. "Like an electric eel."

"I like Sparky," Zigzag said defiantly.

Squid turned to look at Lily, his brown eyes narrowed. "Which one do you want, baby girl?"

She pretended to think about it. She knew which one she like better, but she just wanted a minute to stare at Squid's face. With his bad boy attitude and lopsided grin, it was just so easy to admire him.

While she liked that Squid was arguing to name her, she much preferred Eel. Sparky was okay, but it did sound pretty dog-like. Eel had edge, which she didn't have with Lily. Plus, eels were water creatures like squids (she knew that was completely irrelevant, but she liked to romanticize any similarities as possible). She just hoped he wouldn't be offended.

Committing the color of his eyes to memory, she licked her lips. "I guess I like Eel better."

His jaw clenched. As Gill gloated, he rolled his eyes and got to his feet.

"Squid?" Lily – no Eel – shifted forward so she could follow him as he stormed out, but Zigzag grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.

"Fuck off, _Eel_ ," Squid called over his shoulder.

"Let him cool down," Zigzag told her. He leaned in closer, bringing his voice to a whisper. "He really hates Gill. But I'm sure he'll be fine tomorrow." But even he looked uncertain.

* * *

Eel couldn't tell how long she stayed rooted that one spot, her eyes locked on the spot where Squid had disappeared.

Finally, when a spot on her ribcage started to itch, she blinked out of her trance, taking a step forward. She pressed a hand to cheek, where his kiss still echoed on her skin. No matter how hard she tried to calm her pounding heart, it still tried to beat right out of her chest.

The affect he had on her was puzzling. Sometimes, being near him made her feel so calm. Other times, he left her on the verge of hyperventilation. (and sometimes he made her so angry that she wanted to push him into a hole, but she decided against listing that)

When she made it to the Wreck Room, she sat next to Zigzag at the couch.

"You look like shit," he said, lifting a pale eyebrow at her. "Have you been crying?" His gaze traveled down her front, zeroing in on the bruise forming on her throat. "What the hell happened to you?"

Eel turned her head towards him, her mouth opening, but no sound coming out. She didn't know what to say; she didn't even know what to feel.

Zigzag stole a glance across the Wreck Room. "Does it have anything to do with Red's limp?" he asked.

She twisted the button on her bracelet and nodded. "Yes."

"Squid's got something to do with this too, don't he?"

She nodded again, a lump forming in her throat at the mention of him. Glancing down at her hands, she flexed her gauze-wrapped fingers, wincing at the pain that the fading adrenaline left her.

"Oh, c'mere," Zigzag said, whipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her against his side. "Let's have it, darling. What happened? What's goin' on in there?" He tapped her temple with a thin index finger.

"I caught him kissin' her," Eel mumbled, her eyebrows taking a dive as she glared at the TV. "So I ended them." She tried to gage the mood of the butterflies in her stomach, unable to discern if they were angry or sad or what.

"I'm going to assume you mean you ended their relationship rather than their lives," Zigzag said dryly.

"Then we talked," Eel continued, grimacing. "Sort of. We argued. And then we didn't."

"You're being vague," Zigzag pointed out. "I have no idea what you're trying to imply."

"I just don't understand," Eel said, gritting her teeth as she pressed her hands to her face. "Is there something important that I missed?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Squid and Gill," she explained. "Is there something there that Squid just won't tell me? He's always giving me these hints that something happened between them but then refuses to tell me." She peeked at Zigzag through her fingers. "Do you know about it?"

The look on Zigzag's face was he only answer she needed. His averted his gaze, suddenly finding a keen interest in the ceiling. "Yes," he said after a long moment of silence. "But I can't tell you about it."

"Why not?"

"You'd have to ask one of them," he said. His fingertips tapped absently against her shoulder. "It's their business, not mine."

"Is it bad?" Eel asked.

Zigzag fixed his electric eyes on her, unblinking and solemn. "All I can tell you is that once you find out, you can't have both of them. You're going to have to pick."

Sighing, Eel leaned her head against Zigzag' chest. "I wish you loved me instead," she said, a teasing smile tracing up her lips. "You're not so complicated."

Zigzag shook his head, his deep laugh vibrating against her cheek. "Aw, c'mon, darlin', don't get my hopes up like that," he joked. "We all know Squid's the only guy for you."


	14. Chapter 14

"Eel, look at Squid," Walker said suddenly, tapping Eel's shoulder. She pointed to the other side of the ever-growing hole.

Eel glanced over her shoulder, spotting him at a spot between Caveman and Zigzag. She let her eyebrows raise, as if she hadn't already noticed it the second they climbed down into the hole two hours earlier. She suspected as much would happen when he waved at her from the front of the breakfast line when she had arrived for breakfast.

"Did something happen with him and Red?" Walker asked.

"Dunno," Eel lied, swiveling around to check Red's whereabouts. "She must be on wheelbarrow duty." She figured Red would have blabbed about their fight yesterday, but it seemed that Zigzag was still the only outsider that knew.

"So, are you just not going to do anything about them?"

"What would you have me do?" Eel asked, smirking to herself. She rolled a large rock out of her way with her foot.

"If it were my boyfriend, I'd probably smack the shit out of her."

Eel snickered, pretty sure Walker hadn't thought that statement through completely. "I'm not going to do anything about them." Not now at least.

The Warden released the two groups from digging much earlier than usual. For the last week, they had dug into the late afternoon. Today, however, the Warden drove back to camp just after three, the inmates slowly following the brown dust trail.

After showering and pulling on a freshly laundered t-shirt (thank God for laundry day), Eel walked to the Wreck Room to find Pendanski waiting at the door. As soon as she came into view, he beckoned her over.

"You've certainly been popular lately," he commented, holding out another letter. "It's very rare to see the mail truck drive out two days in a row."

It couldn't be from Barfbag again, could it? Eel swallowed the lump forming in her throat as he ambled to the faculty building. Turning it over, she felt her brain spin with a wave of confusion. It was from her brother, Tyler.

Eel had never been close with her brother, who was six years older than her. He had been too uptight and too busy for her, and faithfully followed rules (which was something she clearly had an issue with). Despite their shared affinity for the Robotics Club, her wild and impulsive behavior repelled him.

She had received his last letter in mid-May and he enclosed a photo of him, their ten-year-old (now eleven) brother, and their parents at his college graduation. He had never been the kind to hold grudges, but his delinquent sister was an exception, especially when her detestable behavior prevented her from seeing him receiving his Master's degree. She had stared at the photo on and off for hours, a sob stuck in her throat as she thought about how happy they looked without her.

Eel pursed her lips, remembering how he had made it clear how ashamed of her he was (Two days later, she had finally reined in her bitterness enough to send back the short reply of _Fuck off._ ). She could only speculate that he stood behind their parents' decision to kick her out of the house.

Turning on her heel, Eel marched back in the direction she had come. She still had the two letters from Barfbag to read, which she had forgotten after her unfortunate discovery. God had already given her the gift of clean clothes today, but hopefully he had the common decency to spare her the drama of interrupting her reading session.

She hadn't made it far when Gill, who had been following her to the Wreck Room, called out to her, "What is it?"

Eel glanced lazily over her shoulder, not intent on telling her. She knew Gill didn't really care anyway. "Nothing," she replied, flicking her wrist dismissively.

As she passed the basketball goal, she sidestepped the group playing. Red jeered at her before darting away.

Scowling, Eel thought about what Squid had said the day before. He had been right, of course, about her always choosing Gill over him. No matter how much she disagreed with Gill, she sided with her, defended her, fought for her, all for the sake of whatever silent agreement they had.

Eel – well, Lily – had never been very popular at school. She wasn't particularly friendly with her peers. The school she had attended was small, and she had known most of her classmates her entire life. But, as she got older, she found herself more focused on her club and less friendly towards others.

When she had come to Green Lake, it was like someone had pressed reset on her life. Nobody knew her and a lot of the inmates were just as antisocial as her.

Still, as she had looked around the Mess Hall on her first day, she saw so many of the inmates talking and laughing and having a good time. H-Tents leader at the time, Rook, hadn't taken well to her cold behavior and shunned her to the end of the table.

Gill had no problem seeming nice (at least at first). Through her, Eel could make friends with the other inmates. And when Gill figured out just how tough Eel really was, an alliance was formed.

 _What a waste of time_ , Eel thought as she reached the tent. She was beginning to regret letting it get this far. She had liked Squid from the day she met him, but couldn't let herself get attached because of Gill. She snorted to herself as she realized just how bad she had done at not getting attached.

Pulling the letters from under her pillow, she contemplated whether she should read them behind the Wreck Room like she'd planned or find another spot. It was usually vacated, so hopefully there would be no one there to bother her. At least she could be certain she wouldn't find Squid and Red there.

When she peeked around the corner of the building, she found no one there. Relieved, she sat in the growing shade and tugged the letters out of her pocket. She found the first one, marked with the earliest postage stamp.

Wrinkling her nose, she sniffed the envelope. She hadn't previously noticed the unmistakable stench of beer stuck to the paper. "What the hell, Barfbag?" she muttered as she unfolded the page, her hands shaking.

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm not really sure how to start this. I've never written a letter to someone before, so this feels really awkward._

 _So, anyway, I got a call from Pendanski yesterday. It's really weird to call him mom now since I'm back home with my parents. He asked me how I was feeling and how I was recovering, and I lied and said I was okay. I am healing okay, but I'm not okay. I think he could tell I was lying, because he started talking about you. He kept telling me that I should write to you and let you know that I'm okay._

 _But that's just it. I'm not okay. I'm miserable and guilty and an all around terrible person._

 _I've been hiding something from you and I think I need to tell you now. I should have told you the truth from the start, but now I'm starting to realize it's just going to hurt you more._

 _The weekend after you were arrested, there was a party at Elena Fisher's house and I went with a couple people. I think I saw most of your friends from the Robotics Team and Beta Club. I asked Johnny and Melina about where you were sent to and Melina punched me in the nose._

Her eyes widened in surprise, Eel dropped her hand to her lap. She hadn't thought about Johnny in months. A nostalgic sort of affection tugged at her stomach.

Johnny had been one of her best friends. If memory served her right, she recalled they had been almost too friendly. During Beta Club meetings, they always sat side-by-side at the officer's table. He would walk with her from the cafeteria to algebra two. They attended the same church, sometimes sitting together during the youth service, the sides of their hands smushed against each other on the pew.

At one point, she had hoped he would ask her to the junior prom, but considering that had already passed, that definitely wouldn't happen.

Now that she hadn't seen him in eight months, she was embarrassed to admit that she'd had a crush on him. She was certain if he was in her life today, she'd find his shy, passive nature boring. But she still couldn't help wondering if he had found another girl to smile at or if he was waiting for her to return to Sunday mass.

She sighed, realizing that he was too good to keep liking the crazy girl that tried to burn down the faculty building. Not that it mattered. She'd probably never see him again anyway.

 _I ended up with a bloody nose and so I went to the bathroom to clean up, and there I found Katie crying in the bathtub._

 _I saw with her and held her as she cried. I don't think she'd known who I was before then. We started dating a few weeks later. I'm not sure if she actually liked me or if she needed something to distract her from you. I didn't mind either way._

 _I loved her a whole lot. I would have done anything for her, and that was my mistake. I tried to steal a necklace from the store for her. Then I was the one getting sent to Camp Green Lake. She never wrote me. I think she was mad at me for leaving her too. About few days before I got bit, I got a letter from my sister._

 _Katie had been at another party, and she left drunk. She crashed her car on a county road. They took her to the hospital and they got her on life support._

 _I knew I needed to see her. Maybe she would love me enough to wake up. All that sappy shit, you know? I couldn't think of how to get out. I couldn't just run away. Then I saw the rattlesnake, and I thought it was destiny._

 _I was too late. By the time I woke up in the hospital, she had passed._

 _My biggest regret will be that I didn't tell you. She was your best friend before she found me. She always loved you more. She read all your letters and they always made her cry. She just couldn't bring herself to write you back because it hurt too much._

 _I'm sorry, Lily._

 _Love,_

 _Lewis_

Eel's lip trembled as she crumpled the letter. She pressed her forehead against her legs as she curled them to her front. Tears leaked from her eyes, soaking her jumpsuit. She parted her knees and tilted her head between them as her breathing pick up speed, clasping her hands behind her neck.

Katie was dead. It sounded so wrong, foreign, in her head that it couldn't be right. She was too young – a whole year younger than Eel. She was too kind, too innocent, too pure. The idea was too laughable to be true.

That had to be it. Eel unfolded herself as she smoothed out the letter. Barfbag was just playing a real shitty practical joke. His sense of humor had always been really weird. She read the letter over again, searching for the message she must had skimmed over, for the part where Barfbag said it was just a joke. She read it again. And again. And again.

But it never changed.

Eel shoved the letter in her pocket, and slumped onto her side, her thighs tucked against her chest and cheek against the cracked ground. She breathed in dust, and coughed. Her wet eyes glazed over, staring into the tan distance.

She wrapped her arms around her head, wheezing through her knees. "I don't know what to do," she whispered, squeezing her body together as tight as she could manage. She bit down on her lip until blood seeped past her teeth. Nothing made sense and she couldn't understand why.

"I don't know what to do," she repeated. She had no idea who she was talking to. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do." Squid's face popped into her mind. "Squid, I don't know what to do." He couldn't hear her. "I don't know what to do." She needed his help. She didn't know what to do. "I don't know what to do. I don't know. I can't—I don't—please, I don't know what to do." She took a sharp breath, air striking her vocal cords with a cracked cry. "Katie, please. I don't know what to do."

Though the weather was hot and dry, there was a chill creeping though her chest. She couldn't find the strength or will to move for a long time. At six-thirty, the dinner bell rang, but she ignored it. Sometime around seven-thirty, she made her way to her bed and pulled the covers over her head so the others would know to leave her alone.


	15. Chapter 15

At four-thirty, Karate was pulling the sheets off her and shaking her awake. Overhead, the morning alarm rang as loud as ever.

"Get up," Karate ordered before taking off in a sprint out the tent.

Eel sat up slowly, unsure how she could have slept through such an irritating noise. It went off every day at the same time without fail. She had no excuse to miss it.

She glanced at her cubby, where her relaxation jumpsuit remained, the letters still tucked into the pockets. Barfbag's letter kept replaying in her head. Her nose and eyes stung, but she blinked away the tears before they could even form.

She took a slow breath, staring at her hands in her lap. The bruises were vivid, but she had gotten used to the constant throb. With her better hand, she curled her index finger around the bracelet on her right wrist.

The macramé bracelet had been given to her by Katie during their three-week stay at church camp. Katie had been the counselor for a group of middle school girls and they urged her to teach them how to make bracelets. Even at Camp Green Lake, she had never taken it off. Beneath the braided cotton, there was a band of pale flesh that the sun had never managed to touch.

By the time she dressed and left the tent, the breakfast tables had already been broken down and were being carried off to the Mess Hall. Grabbing a shovel, she jogged after the D and H-Tent.

Hearing her footsteps, Zigzag, who walked at the back of the group, peered over his shoulder. He pulled something out of his pocket as she neared and held it out to her.

"Karate said you were runnin' late, so I stole an extra juice box for you," he said.

"Thanks," she said, grateful that he hadn't tried to put a sticky tortilla into his pocket for her. She remained at the back of the group with him as she sipped her juice.

"What wrong? You've never woken up late before."

Eel rubbed kneaded her itchy eyes with her fingertips. She ached from her head, through every muscle, and down to her feet. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she was sure the punishment for skipping digging would worse than any punishment she'd received before.

She considered telling Zigzag about Barfbag's letter. He was trustworthy, so she knew he would be a safe person to tell…

"Nothin's wrong," she said, scratching the back of her neck. "It was an accident and it won't happen again."

Off in the distance, she heard Mr. Sir shout, "This ain't Girl Scouts Camp," and she silently agreed. This wasn't the sort of place people sat around talking about their feelings and the things they were hurting over. Every inmate understood that the unofficial motto of Green Lake was "Suffer in Silence", and she knew she was better off keeping her mouth shut. She had already broken that rule by burdening Zigzag with all her drama with Squid and Gill, so figured she should just leave him out of this as well.

Aware of the suspicious look he was giving her, she forced a smile. "I'm fine," she said, nudging his elbow with hers. Behind her juice box, she crossed her fingers. "Promise."

* * *

She was getting sick of digging in the giant hole. It had grown huge in size, but nothing else had been found. She was also sick of having to work with the others. It seemed like almost every minute of the day, someone would come up to her only to babble away about something she didn't care about. She missed the solitude of digging her own hole and not having to rely on the others around her.

Hoping to avoid conversation, Eel strategically placed herself between Zero and Karate. Neither talked much, so she figured she was safe for a little while.

But, sure enough, an hour after the sun starting burning into the back of her neck, Gill made her way over and placed herself between Eel and Zero.

"Scram, Twerp," she said, waving her hand dismissively at him. He didn't look like he'd heard her, but sidled a few feet away.

"Oh, would you leave him alone?" Eel asked through gritted teeth. Zero never did anything to anybody and didn't deserve her abuse.

"What d'you care?" Gill asked, keeping her eyes glued to Eel as she took a drink from her canteen.

"I don't—oh, whatever, never mind," Eel said, striking the wall of the hole with her shovel. She had a clue as to why Gill had approached her, and she wasn't really looking forward to the conversation.

"Did you notice Squid and Red?" Gill asked.

Eel snuck a glance over her shoulder, to where Squid was digging next to X-Ray. "What about them?" Feigning disinterested, she quirked an eyebrow up expectantly.

"Um, are you just completely clueless? They haven't been all over each other like they were the other day."

"Yeah, so?" Red still must not have said anything about their fight.

"So, something had to have happened, right?" Gill pressed. "I mean, they were totally into each other the other day."

Eel narrowed her eyes, hearing the accusation in Gill's tone. She did not want to play this game with her. Irritation tickled her between the eyes, and she felt something rather petty snapping at her tongue like a rattlesnake.

"Are you trying to imply something, Gill?" she asked, letting her voice get taunting. Next to her, Karate stopped digging.

"Maybe," Gill said, her nose crinkling. "Did you interfere with Squid and Red?"

"What d'you care?" Eel mocked, a mischievous grin catching her mouth.

"You did do something, didn't you?" Gill said. The end of her shovel fell to the ground as she turned towards Eel, the handle still held in her palm. "You split them up!" Her volume was growing, attracting the attention of the others in the hole.

Eel snorted, and said, "Fuck off, Gill."

Gill hesitated, giving Eel a quick once over. She may have been checking to see if she could find proof to her accusation. Or maybe she was trying to calculate her odds if she picked a fight with Eel.

"What's that in your pocket?" she said suddenly.

Before Eel could respond, Gill shoved her into the wall and reached into her pocket, retrieving the juice box that Zigzag had given her.

"Where did you get this?" Gill demanded, shaking the box in front of Eel's face. "You left after they stopped handing these out. Where did you get this from? Who gave it to you?"

"Seriously?" Eel asked, snickering. Gill was losing her mind over this, and she was loving it. "You gonna go crazy over a juice box?"

"Stop it and tell me the truth," Gill ordered. "Squid gave this to you, didn't he?" She threw the empty container at Eel. It bounced off her chest and landed on the ground.

"Pretty sure I didn't," Squid called across the hole, his expression scrunching with distaste as Gill turned to glare at him.

"You are such a _fucking liar_ , Squid," Gill exclaimed, throwing down her shovel and starting across the floor of the hole. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you to keep your hands off my fucking tent?"

Eel shot after her, grabbing Gill by the collar of her jumpsuit and yanking her backwards. "Don't you fucking touch him," she snarled. Why couldn't Gill just leave it alone?

Gill clocked her in the jaw, and Eel staggered back in surprise, her hand clapping over her stinging skin. She knew it would result in a bruise at the worst, but Gill hitting her was so unexpected that she, well, hadn't expected it.

There was an uproar from their audience. With the Warden and Mr. Sir so close by, no one wanted to get in trouble from Gill and Eel fighting again. X-Ray and Catwoman both voiced their protests. A pair of hands gripped onto the back of Eel's jumpsuit and pulled her out of Gill's reach. Karate interjected herself between the pair, pushing Gill back by the shoulders.

"I gave her the juice box," Zigzag sneered, taking a small step closer to the danger zone. "Are you satisfied now? Or, maybe you'd rather have your _best friend_ starve to death." The words _best friend_ came out with such a nasty bite that Gill recoiled at the implication that Eel was much more Zigzag's best friend than her own.

"What in tarnation is going on down there?" The Warden had arrived. Sunglasses in her hand, she fixed a severe look onto the girls. Even from ten feet up, she was intimidating.

Eel looked back at Gill, over Karate's shoulder, and cocked her head to the side, daring her to say something. Gill looked like she wanted to keep arguing, but instead shoved Karate away, snatched up her shovel, and stalked to a spot next to Hollywood.

"Nothing, ma'am," Eel drawled, her hands clenched at her sides.

"Well, then get back to work," the Warden growled. She met as many pairs of eyes as she could. " _Now_." She stalked back out of sight as the air filled once again with the sound of shovels hitting dirt.

Eel faced Squid, who released her. He squinted down at her, prodding his finger against her throbbing face. She rolled her eyes, slamming her palms against his chest. "Quit it," she snapped.

"Squid," X-Ray said, his commanding tone not enough to break Squid's attention away from Eel.

"Your Queen Bee is calling for you," Eel said, earning a snicker from Squid. She stepped aside, making a grand gesture in X-Ray's direction.

Still grinning, he patted her uninjured cheek as he passed her.

* * *

"What's up with you?"

Eel glanced up to find her tent mates staring at her with mixed looks of concern, annoyance, and expectance. She realized she hadn't been paying attention to anything they were saying. Whoops.

Hollywood held a hand in front of her face and snapped her fingers. "Hello?" she said. "Earth to weirdo!"

"Fuck off," Eel said, smacking her hand away. A vein in her temple twitched in frustration. She was so fucking sick and tired of everyone getting in her face. Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

"You've been acting real weird lately," Hollywood stated.

"Yeah, are you, like, getting heatstroke or something?" Gill's face didn't hold a trace of humor. Judging by the way the other girls shifted in their seats, they didn't miss the threat lining Gill's words. No doubt she thought Eel and Squid were secretly together now, and that didn't sit well with her.

It amazed Eel that Gill still had the nerve to challenge her. It had been only so easy to take her down, and, even with her fractured hand, she was sure she could again. But she decided against it. She was uncertain that the other H-Tent girls would allow her to get away with it. She could handle Gill, but not the rest of H-Tent.

Forcing a smile, Eel shook her head. "Nothing's wrong," she lied. She glanced around the table, accidentally meeting Red's gaze. She glared back, but didn't say anything.

"Right," Gill said, sounding unconvinced. But she turned to Hollywood and changed the subject.

Eel wished that could have been the end of that, but of course she could never be so lucky.

After dinner, Gill shoved Eel into the alley between the Mess Hall and Wreck Room.

"What the fuck is up with you?" she demanded, fisting the front of Eel's jumpsuit and pushing her against the wall. "Something's wrong with you, so fucking tell me."

Eel glowered at her, an urge to punch Gill right in the face surfacing in her chest. "Nothing's wrong with me."

"Don't lie to me," Gill sneered, driving her fist into Eel's stomach.

Eel pressed a hand to her torso, her jaw clenching as she recovered her breath. "I'm not," she insisted.

"If you're sleeping with Squid or something, I swear to God I'll—"

"You'll what?" Eel demanded, laughing without humor. "Hurt me? Beat me up? Good fucking luck." With one hand, she sent Gill stumbling into the opposite wall. "Swear to God all you want, honey, he don't fucking care. I'll do whatever the fuck I want, and you'll fuckin' deal with it." Fuming, she stalked from the alley.

Squid was standing at the corner of the Wreck Room, a toothpick between his teeth. "That was dramatic," he commented as she emerged from the alley.

"What, are you eavesdropping on me now?" Eel seethed, slamming her shoulder into his as she passed. He was the second to last person she wanted to talk to right now.

He followed her, walking so close behind that he nearly stepped on the back of her shoes. "I was worried," he said. "She's right. Something's bothering you."

Eel came to a sudden halt, and he bumped into her back. "Are you seriously siding with Gill?" she asked, whirling around to face him. Maybe the world was ending – that was the only possible explanation for whatever the hell was going on.

"I'm not siding with her," he protested. "But something's been off with you ever since you missed dinner last night. I noticed it, Zigzag noticed it, and so has Gill." He paused, taking a breath. "I'm not gonna go draggin' you into an alley and beat the answer outta you, but I still wanna know what's up."

"God, I don't fuckin' need this right now," she hissed, scrubbing her hands over her face. She just wanted to go to bed. She was not in the mood to get caught up in some touchy-feely pep talk with Squid.

His fingers closed around her wrists and pulled them back down. "Then what d'you need, baby?" he asked, his brown eyes concerned.

She stared at him, unblinking, trying to understand frustration building in her chest. Usually, she could accept his touch happily. Sometimes, she could feel her heart race for a few seconds before it settled into a rhythmic pounding. But there was something off with this interaction. Right now, his closeness annoyed the hell out of her.

"Lily?" he whispered, desperately trying to gage the dark look that crept across her face.

That wasn't her name. Katie and Johnny and Melina and Barfbag and Tyler and her parents called her that, but that wasn't her name. Not anymore. She wasn't Lily. Whoever that was, she wanted nothing to do with them. She didn't want to be Lily, because being Lily sucked. Hell, she didn't really want to be anyone, because she couldn't even catch a break as Eel.

Eel moved away from him, knocking his hands back. Anger pierced her through the chest. She didn't want to be touched or spoken to. She just wanted to be left alone. Suddenly, her own brain felt foreign, words that weren't hers rising into her throat. The urge to lash out at him was unbearable and she couldn't hold anything back. All she could comprehend was that she was angrier than hell and everyone else deserved to be just as angry as her. If she had to be hurting, so did everyone else.

"I don't fuckin' need anything," she snarled, shoving him away from her, pushing through the resistance in her hands. "I certainly don't need you or your stupid fuckin' feelings in my business." Then the lie slipped out before she could stop it. "I don't even love you, Squid, so just leave me alone."

He shrank back, his eyes echoing hurt and regret. She felt a sick satisfaction flood her as she watched his entire demeanor shift, relieving her of that thick ache curled around her throat.

"Fine," he said, his expression hardening. "If that's what you want, then fine."

He stepped around her, his hands in his pockets. Eel watched him, her satisfied high already dissipating. It occurred to her that she should feel bad about what she said. Squid was… He was her friend. Her best friend, even. So, why didn't she care?

She stood for a long time, in the flickering lamplight, staring at her shadow. She knew she should go after him and apologize. She didn't know what was stopping her, but she really didn't want to. Her anger had faded, and now she tried to find another emotion to grapple to – guilt for hurting him, panic because she may have just lost of the few people she actually gave a fuck about, anything. Everything she tried evaded her, and, even if she could have grasped onto something, she really didn't want to feel any of those things.

Eventually, she realized just how exhausted she was. With a faltering first step, she walked back to the tents, with the vague realization of just how numb she felt.


	16. Chapter 16

Eel was glad to be digging her own hole the next morning. The groups had changed as well, putting Squid a good distance away from her. Gill didn't look in her direction, thankfully, and kept close to Hollywood. The rest of the group seemed to sense that she wanted nothing to do with them and left her alone.

That night, she skipped counselling. Ida chewed her out for a half hour after the rest of the group returned to the tent, but stopped when she realized Eel wasn't listening to a word she said, resigning to assign her to three nights of kitchen duty.

Eel didn't care, though. She just went through the motions.

She kept to her hole, not talking to anyone, and when she finished, she walked back to camp and showered. Then she would go to the kitchen, where she cooked the mystery food for her hour. After she left the kitchen, she sat behind the Wreck Room and stared into the desert. Nobody came looking for her. Even if they did, she wouldn't have cared.

At dinner, she could tell she made her tentmates uncomfortable with her silence, but she ignored it, exiling herself to the end of the table and staring at her tray until campers began to leave the Mess Hall. Every once in a while, she would feel eyes on her and train her focus on Squid. She would hold his gaze for a few seconds, watching him fidget with a toothpick, before dropping her eyes back to her tray.

She found herself more exhausted than ever, falling asleep as soon as she pulled the covers over her. But no matter how much she slept, she woke up even more fatigued the next morning. It was starting to affect her digging. She couldn't focus on anything else but her shovel hitting the ground; her thoughts slowed her, and she didn't want to be on the desert longer than necessary.

She knew she should speak, or eat, or something, but she didn't care. If it weren't for the dirt that she accumulated on the desert, she didn't think she would even care enough to shower. If she could lay all day in her cot and do nothing, she would do just that. But that wasn't allowed.

So, she just went through the motions again.

* * *

Squid knew she had been lying when she said she didn't love him. She didn't fool him, nor did it fool Zigzag when Squid told him what happened he next day. Gill had been right, as much as he hated to admit it. Except for Zigzag, he knew her better than anyone. He could tell that something was eating at her, and it wasn't just her dysfunctional relationship with Gill. He couldn't be angry with her when he knew something else had to be going on. He had never really been mad at her to begin with. Hurt, maybe, but never mad when those huge brown eyes of hers turned a stinging, watery red at the whites.

He could remember the day they had met – he had watched her working on the TV. He remembered being able to tell just how passionate she was about little projects like that stupid TV and she had him mesmerized with that little glimmer of psychotic genius in her eyes. Her little scene with Zellar had only cemented her further into his mind until she occupied most of his thoughts. On other occasions, he'd stared at her from across the Wreck Room while she doodled out her little diagrams and designs. He could almost see the gears turning behind her eyes, spinning so fast that they whirred out any other sound.

That was the real Lily – intense and excitable and impulsive in all the right ways. He could see through all that tough-girl bullshit she tried to push when Gill was around.

Squid clenched his jaw at the thought of Gill. Her hands were still stained with Chelsea's blood, and now she was trying to stain Lily too. It made Squid's temper rise and he felt like he could knock her fucking teeth out. She would never change her selfish ways.

Gill didn't know Lily at all. She only knew Eel. She only knew the anger and fire and violence. She had never been on the receiving side of Lily's little grins when she was embarrassed or her tender little touches when she didn't think he was paying attention or the infectious laugh she often paired with a look that told him she thought he was annoying, but in a good way. Hell, had Gill seen any of that, she might have ended up in love with Lily, too.

But whatever he was seeing right now wasn't right. Whoever was walking around now with her body wasn't Lily or Eel. The real Lily seemed to have become disconnected from her body and floated off into the white-hot desert, and even Eel's burning flame had been extinguished. The girl he was seeing now was just lifeless and empty and scared the hell out of him.

He counted the days she didn't talk. He could see her in the gap between Zigzag and Armpit at dinner, and he watched, his chest tight and heavy, as she deteriorated.

On day one, Karate tried to speak to her, but she took no notice. Her eyes were glazed over and unfocused, unseeing against her metal tray. She had left her hair down after her shower instead of putting it up or braiding it, leaving it as a tangled mess around her head.

On day two, he spotted her leaving the Mess Hall from the patio of the Wreck Room. If she realized he was watching her, she didn't let it show. He followed her behind the Wreck Room, but stood at the corner of the building, watching her until the dinner bell rang. She was so still, she didn't even seem to be breathing. He waited for her to turn to him and start yelling at him to leave her alone, but she didn't unlock from her sitting position on the ground.

After a while, he noticed her thumb rubbing over her bracelet. The movements were so small, he wasn't sure if she'd just started of it she had been doing it the entire time.

She still didn't eat or speak at dinner.

On day three, even Red was starting to worry. She caught Squid before dinner and explained that Eel went to sleep every night at six-thirty. But the dark circles had started showing beneath her eyes. Was it just him, or did her cheeks look a little hallow? When was the last time she ate? He asked Red.

She shrugged. "I don't think so," she admitted. "She just kind of disappears into her hole and we can't see her."

Early on day four, he had dug close to a girl from Tent G. Her nickname was Happy and she was the only girl in the entire camp that was allowed any kind of prescription drugs. He had never seen her not having a fit of extreme panic and anxiety.

After getting over the shock of Squid talking to her, she calmed down enough to talk about Lily. Apparently, she had been through counselling and therapy more times that she could count, so she had plenty of tips on how to help Lily. She knew a lot of big words that didn't make sense to him, but he got the gist.

Immediately after he said thanks, she claimed she didn't know everything and proceeded to have a panic attack. Regardless, he hoped some of what Happy had suggested could help.

At dinner, Squid caught Zigzag looking over his shoulder every few minutes. It didn't take a genius to figure out who he was looking for. Eel hadn't even bothered showing up to dinner. He ditched the Mess Hall early and peeked into Tent H. She slept facing the tent entrance, her eyes shut against the yellow light.

On day five, Group D and Group H dug together, putting Lily right in viewing distance. As the morning passed, he could barely tolerate her silence.

During their lunch break, he marched over to her hole and sat next to her, ignoring the odd looks he received from the others. She finally acknowledged his presence and stared at him, clearly startled.

"Want a cookie?" he said, holding out an extra graham cracker. He had deliberately copied the conversation from a few weeks ago, before she had traded spots with Red, hoping to initiate a positive association.

"No," she said, her voice hoarse from not speaking. She blinked at him. "Why are you talking to me?"

Squid turned the graham cracker over in his hand. As her eyes searched his face, he could see signs of life. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. The corners of her eyes crinkled with a hint of regret, although what for he wasn't exactly sure. She curled her lower lip in to chew on the dry skin.

"You can stop lovin' me all you want, Lily, but I won't stop lovin' you," he told her. He broke the graham cracker in half. "And, right now, my job as the man who loves you, is to make sure you eat something. So you're gonna eat this damn cookie whether you like it or not."

He really hadn't been sure how she would react, so he was pleased when she opened her hand to receive the graham cracker. He even hid a smile when he realized she was blushing. She chewed slowly, and eventually swallowed. Squid gladly gave her the other half of the graham cracker when she gestured for it.

"You can't keep shutting down, baby," Squid said. "People are getting worried about you."

She hesitated, the cracker hovering a few centimeters from her lips. "By 'people', do you mean you?" she asked.

"Well, duh, I'm worried about you," he said, rolling his eyes. He just told her he loved her – of course he meant himself. "But it's not just me." He slowly slid his hand across the ground and placed it on her knee. "If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. You don't have to. You can just sit with Zig and watch TV and he won't make you talk or anything, but just do _something_ so no one has to worry about where you are."

Mr. Sir shouted at everyone to get back to work.

Lily slid into her hole, snatching her shovel back up. She stared at Squid expectantly.

He covered her hand holding the shovel with both of his. "Are you okay?" he asked. He wasn't sure what sensory grounding was (or whatever Happy called it), or how to make it work. He figured the whole 'five things she could see, four things she could feel, three things she could hear,' thing wouldn't exactly do her any good in the middle of the desert.

"I don't know," she replied, her thumb twitching beneath his palm. She tilted her head curiously as she turned her hand over, curling her fingers around his. Even though everything felt hot as hell in the desert, his touch felt warm against her skin.

He tugged her hand off the shaft of the shovel, letting his thumbs rub over the callouses on her palm. He lifted her arm, pressing his mouth against the heel of her palm, disregarding the thin bit of dust that transferred onto his lips. "I've got your back, baby," he said. "No matter what's going on, okay?"

"Okay." Her eyes were glassy and she pressed her lips in a tight line to keep them from trembling. He dropped her hand, and it almost sent her into a panic. She didn't want him to go. Her heart was frantic with anxiety and she wanted to cling to him so he couldn't leave. A second later, she swallowed and readjusted her grip on her shovel, trying to maintain her resolve.

But at the sharp intake of breath, Squid had paused, his hands flat against the ground, ready to lift him up. His eyebrows raised as his eyes scanned over her face.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he said.

She couldn't tell if that was an indicator that he had deciphered her fleeting separation anxiety. She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on him as got up and walked back to his hole. A few of the others were staring at her, but she returned her focus to her hole.

* * *

Several minutes after the water to her shower cut off, Eel remained under the leaking pipe. She couldn't decide whether she should do as Squid asked or just go back to her usual spot behind the Wreck Room. She didn't really want to be around anyone, but she doubted Squid would leave her in peace.

The shower building had a single full length mirror near the entrance. It was dirty and shattered, with pieces missing near the top. Somehow, it still managed to reflect a blurry image back to users. Eel rarely used it – she found that the only things that changed about her was the length of her hair and the darkness of her tan.

But, before she left the building, she paused in front of it for a moment. She had left the top half of her jumpsuit down, showing off her old softball t-shirt. If she blocked out all the orange, she almost looked like a high school student again.

The scarlet maverick head taunted her, reminding her that she could never go back to her old life. The first time she had worn the shirt, she had been fourteen. She was seventeen now. It fit the same as it had for three years, yet it looked so wrong on her now. Her last name was printed on the back, but it didn't feel like it belonged to her anymore.

She sighed, tucking her dirty clothes under her elbows. With a final glance at the mirror, she tugged the hair ties from her braids and walked out of the building.

"Hey," Squid greeted as she entered the Wreck Room, grinning around a toothpick. Leaning against the pool table, a pool cue in his hand, he inspected her as she approached.

"Hi," she said. She crossed her arms, trying to ignore the people staring at her. She wished they would find something else to spy on, but she supposed when there was less than a hundred people in a hundred-mile radius, there wasn't much else to gossip about.

He seemed to sense her discomfort, because he stepped between her and the poker tables, blocking her from most of the people gaping at her. They were so close she could smell the soap on him.

"You wanna play pool?" he asked, absently looping a strand of her hair around his finger. "Magnet's about to beat me, so you can play in a minute."

"Actually, I was just gonna hang out with Zigzag until dinner," she said.

Squid shrugged. "Okay. Have fun, baby girl."

Eel spent the rest of the afternoon next to Zigzag, pretending to watch TV. If she had to spend time with anyone, she was glad it was Zigzag. He didn't talk much while he was watching, giving her the freedom to get lost in thought.

He checked on her occasionally, nudging her elbow when she stopped moving for a while. He'd point at the TV and grin. She couldn't help but smile back. She had no clue what he found funny, but she didn't mind.

When the dinner bell rang, he flipped the TV off and helped her up. "You better eat tonight," he said.

Eel rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I get it," she mumbled. "People will worry if I don't." Squid had already given her this lecture.

"You're damn right we'll worry," Zigzag said. "It's not a joke, Eel. You're our friend. Whatever's going on with you, we care, and we wanna help you."

Giving him a wry grin, Eel nudged his shoulder. "Thanks, Ziggy. But I'm fine. Honest."

"Don't," he said darkly. "I'm not stupid. You know I'm not. And I know you're not fine."

"Sorry," she muttered as they joined the cafeteria line.

Karate gave her a wary look as she sat down at H-Tent's table. Walker and Red stared at her when she picked up her spoon and scraped up a bit of gray mush.

"What?" Eel asked, glancing between the three girls. Walker pursed her lips and shook her head. Red and Karate turned away, the table falling to awkward silence. Eel shifted in her seat, knowing they'd be talking if she hadn't sat with them.

A tray slammed down in front of her, splattering beans over the edge of dull metal and onto the table. Eel looked up in surprise at Gill's annoyed glare.

Nearby tables went quiet. Drama between tentmates was rare, and it would be quite a treat to see in public.

"So, what's it like hanging out with Zigzag and Squid?"

Clearing her throat, Eel set her silverware down and leaned her elbows on the table.

"Look, can this wait?" she said in low voice, pointedly gesturing to the staring inmates. "Until after dinner or something?" She could already tell this confrontation wouldn't end well.

Gill's nostrils flared as she slumped into her seat. "Fine." Hollywood sat next to her, choosing not to acknowledge Eel's existence.

Eel caught Zigzag and Squid staring across the Mess Hall at them. Zigzag gave her a crooked grin and whipped back around. Squid didn't look away for a long time, and his attention was only drawn away by X-Ray calling his name.

Ducking her head down, she shoveled beans and bits of bread into her mouth. She wasn't sure whether it was the awful food or the expectation Gill's inevitable explosion that made her feel sick to her stomach.

No fighting came that night, which seemed to make the entire tent skittish.

Gill was the first in bed, tugging the sheets over her head so everyone would know to leave her alone. The rest of the girls glanced around uncomfortably as they changed and slid into their cots.

As the lights turned out, Eel turned onto her back, staring into the pitch black as her eyes adjusted. The darkness did nothing to calm her pounding heart. She listened to the other girls breathing – Walker's shallow pants, Hollywood's hushed teeth-whistling, Gill's long exhale against her sheet.

Tucking her hands beneath her neck, Eel closed her eyes and forced herself into unconsciousness.


	17. Chapter 17

I try to update on Wednesdays, and seeing as it's Friday, I failed. Idk if y'all will notice. Usually my chapters are written several weeks ahead of time & I just proofread them before posting, but I was looking at chapter 17 and was like "I want to add a nice little scene before the chapter" but then it ended up being really long and then I added an even more extra scene and now it's its own chapter & here we are, but hey it's really cute & kinda long for my normal chapters, so enjoy & review thanks luv u nerds xx

* * *

Gill avoided her the next day, but Eel could sense the tension rising. Dinner was silent and afterword in the tent, it was uncomfortable. Even after lights out, Eel lay awake in her cot, unable to shake the unease.

Her mind wide awake and muscles restless, she stared at the moon through the ceiling until she finally resolved to go to the restroom. She didn't really have to go, but, frankly, anywhere was better than inside H-Tent.

The air outside was lighter, didn't stick to her throat and clog her nose. The dark on the lakebed was about fifteen degrees cooler than any time after sunrise. She left the tent without her shoes, the ground still warm and nice against her feet.

She cut through the tent grid, in a path that wasn't really necessary. For some reason, anytime she went to the bathroom during the night, she took a route that led her in front of the D-Tent. Zigzag and Squid were in there – the knowledge of which was comforting to her, even if she couldn't see them.

Just as she passed the steps of D-Tent, she heard a familiar noise cut through the canvas. A sniffle, followed by a quiet whimper. Crying.

It wasn't the first time she had heard this during while passing through on her way to the bathroom. She had heard it for the first time during her third week at camp, and several more times since.

She knew it was Squid. She hadn't been able to stop herself from searching through the D-Tent members every morning after to see who had eyes red and puffy. That it had been Squid crying surprised her – he always seemed like he didn't give a shit about anything. But, after hearing snippets of what his home life was like, she supposed that she didn't blame him.

Normally, she chose to not say anything about it. He didn't know she knew, and he would probably be embarrassed if he did know. None of the other boys seemed to know, even if they lived in the same tent. Zigzag had never even hinted that he knew about it.

But, tonight, she couldn't leave him. She didn't want to be alone, and she didn't want him to be alone.

She crept into the tent, her feet silent against the wooden steps. As she ducked through the flaps, moonlight shined into the back of the tent, on top of the stack of cubbies and glistened against something that caught her eye. She squinted at it for a second, before realizing it was just the plastic screen of Magnet's watch.

The boys were mostly quiet. A few were snoring. She couldn't tell if any of them were lying awake, just listening to Squid's muffled crying.

She crossed the length of the tent on her toes and picked up Magnet's watch. Light still bled through the crack between the tent flaps and she squinted to read the time. 11:47.

Tucking the watch into the waistband of her shorts, she cut in between Squid and Caveman's cots and knelt in front of him. He hadn't noticed her, his hands pressed against his eyes.

Knowing she would scare him, Eel reached out hesitantly. "Squid," she whispered, tracing her fingers across the back of his hand.

He gave a start and his hand shot out to catch her wrist. He lifted his head as he gasped for air, blinking through tears to see Eel. "Shit," he said, releasing her. "You scared the hell out of me." His voice was hoarse and crackling. He flopped back against his cot, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "You're not supposed to be in here."

Eel grabbed his hand when he dropped it to the cot and squeezed lightly. "I'll leave, then," she said. "Come with me?"

He didn't resist her lacing her fingers through his. "Why?"

"I don't wanna be by myself," she said.

He raised an eyebrow, and she could tell he knew there was a part of her answer that had gone unsaid.

"Okay," he said after a short pause, tossing back the sheet and hauling himself off the bed. Eel blushed when she realized he was only wearing a pair of boxers, but only averted her eyes when he didn't bother putting anything else on and pulled him from the tent.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

She didn't reply as they reached the front of the grid, peeking around the corner to check for any counselors on patrol. The counselors didn't have a curfew, but most of them were in the tents by 10:30 – although sometimes they took night shifts to ensure that no inmates were out of bed. But, now, it was nearing midnight, and the all the lights, even the those of the counselor's lounge, were off and the square of dilapidated buildings dark and empty – just like a ghost town.

"Did you hear me?" Squid asked.

She shushed him and dragged him along to the Wreck Room, climbing carefully up the steps, avoiding the spots that were splintering. Eel released his hand and crept to the back of the room to pull the chain of a lamp that hung over a pool table. Yellow light flickered and then filled the back of the building, shining barely bright enough to reach the other corners of the room.

"What are we doing, E?" Squid tried again, obediently following her to a couch.

"Getting away from them," she said, motioning vaguely to the door. She plopped onto a lumpy cushion, but Squid remained standing. She grabbed his wrist and tugged. "Please, Squid."

He frowned at her. The swelling around his eyes had gone down, but they still looked red. "Under one condition," he said.

"What?"

"Stop looking at me like that," he said.

Eel stared at him, puzzled. She hadn't been aware she had been looking at him in any sort of way. "Like what?"

"Like you're sorry for me," he said. "I'm not weak and I'm not gonna break just because I cried a little."

"That's how you've been looking at me," Eel pointed out.

"That's different."

"Is it?"

"No," he said, sighing as he sat next to her. "Not really. But whatever's up with you, you're not always like this. This is new for you. It's not for me. I can handle it."

Eel patted her thigh, and he deciphered her silence with ease, laying across the couch, his head coming to rest on her lap. Without a second thought, her hands moved to his hair, her fingers sliding through his dark brown locks. His gazed fixed on her face, unfaltering in the yellow light. His eyes were warm, melting through the icy hand gripped around her chest.

"What's wrong, Squid?" she asked, tracing a finger downward across his temple, over his cheekbone, along his jawline. She pressed her hand to his cheek and rubbed away the salty residue on his cheek with her thumb. "What makes you cry?"

He didn't answer for a minute, reaching up to hold her wrist in both of his hands. He turned his head to the side, pressing a kiss to Eel's palm.

"I'm scared," he admitted finally.

"What do you have to be afraid of, Squid?" Eel asked.

"I'll give you one guess," he said, frowning up at her.

Eel kneaded the hair away from his forehead, pursing her lips. "Me?"

"E, you just don't get how scary it is for me and Zig to see you turn into—I don't know—a zombie." He scrubbed his hands over his face, his breath becoming harsh and shuddering again. "Dammit, I love you, and I don't just mean it like that. You're my best friend, and I can't just watch this happen to you like I did my mom and Chelsea." He was crying again, his hands cupped against his face to block Eel from him.

Guilt tugged at her stomach when he mentioned his mom, who she knew was an alcoholic, but confusion shunted it out when she realized she didn't really know what he meant.

She bent over him, sliding her arm beneath his head. "I'm sorry," she said, leaning her forehead against his. She repeated a few times, several times, until she lost count. She pulled him against her, letting him cry into her shoulder. He clutched the back of her shirt, holding her so close she barely had room to breathe.

Eventually, she managed to shift out from under him and she stretched across the couch, her arms still wrapped around him. She kept running her hands through his hair, in hopes of calming him.

He did, after several minutes, lapse back into silence and stillness. Eel struggled to figure out what to say to him. She wanted to ask what he meant about his mom and Chelsea, but she couldn't. Everything between her and Squid felt weird, and awkward, and confusing. She didn't know what to do and all the things she wanted to say became a jumbled mess at the back of her throat.

"Sorry," he mumbled against her shirt. "I didn't mean to drop all that crap on you… I just—I'm just tired, E, and I want you to be okay."

"I know," she said. "I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do." She felt her own eyes sting and blinked away the feeling. "I lied to you, Squid. I said I didn't need you, and that was just bullshit. I do need you, because you're one of the few people that I can trust anymore. I don't know why I said it. I was scared."

"What's got you scared, baby girl?" he asked. "You're the toughest girl I know – it's gotta be pretty bad."

"It is," she said, sniffling. "But… I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet."

Squid rubbed his hand up and down her back. "It's okay," he said. "You can tell me when you're feeling better, sound good?" She nodded. "I've got your back, E, and so does Zig. I know you think you're all big and tough because you know how to fight, so you think you've got to deal with shit on your own. You don't. You don't ever have to go through anything by yourself, because we'll help you through all of it."

"You're starting to sound like a therapist," Eel muttered.

"You would know, huh?"

He meant it teasingly, but it hit a nerve. Eel frowned, not wanting to admit that she had been sent by her fretful mother to an anger management therapist, which hadn't done her much good in the long run.

"Too close to home?" he asked.

"Yeah." She stared at him for a moment, drinking in the warmth of his eyes and comfort of the little smile curling onto his lips. Smiling back, she realized, her heart hammering in her chest, that there was so much more to say to him.

"I lied to you twice that night," she whispered. "I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you. I was upset and I just said it because I knew it would hurt your feelings, but I didn't mean it. Not even a little bit…" She sighed. "I didn't have a lot of friends in school. I had the Robotics Team, and that was really it. The softball team, my classmates, my church group… they were just people I knew. My team was my second family. We spent so much time together, inside and out of school. But after I got arrested, they just forgot about me. I needed someone to care about me, because of my parents and my brother… I tried to write to them, they never replied. It was like a piece of me had been ripped out. But you made up for it. Even when Gill started shit, even when we were fighting and screaming at each other, by the time we were halfway through the dishes in the kitchen or doing laundry, you had me laughing and forgetting that we were supposed to hate each other. Or, rather, I was supposed to hate you. You were always my friend, even when I didn't want to believe it."

* * *

 **Four Months Ago**

* * *

"Who the fuck leaves money in their clothes?" Eel demanded, shaking the loose change out of a B-Tent jumpsuit onto the wooden table centered in the laundry room. "You can't even fucking use it here!"

"Finders keepers," Squid reasoned, picking out a particularly shiny quarter out of the bunch and slipping it into his own pocket. "If they can't learn to clean out their pockets, it's more money we get to take home."

Eel hummed in reply, tossing the jumpsuit into the washing machine. She turned back to the table and begrudgingly gathered the rest of the money. Like Squid said, finders keepers. Besides, she would probably need it in the long run.

After starting a load in the drier, Squid sidled up next to Eel planting his hand on the table just next to her own. She shot him a disinterested look, jingling the change in her palm.

"So, what do you want to do for the next half hour while we're stuck in here?" Squid asked.

"How about we sit on opposite sides of the room and don't talk to each other like last time?" Eel said.

"Aw, but we're on speaking terms now," Squid said, grinning.

"No, we're not," Eel snorted.

"We could play quarters," Squid suggested.

"And why would I do that with you?" Eel demanded, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Because you're bored and you like spending time with me," Squid said, his own eyes mischievous and his smile teasing.

Eel scowled, her face burning. God, he was such an annoying dickhead. "Whatever," she mumbled. "I don't know how to play anyway."

"You've never played quarters?"

"No, what is it?"

"It's a drinking game." He raised an eyebrow at her blank expression. "Have you ever played a drinking game before? Like any at all?"

"No."

"Have you ever drank before?"

"No."

"Not even at a party or something?"

Eel frowned, too embarrassed to answer.

"Have you ever been to a party?"

"Popular kids didn't like me much," she admitted. "So, I was never really invited."

"That's crazy," Squid said. He reached up and squeezed Eel's shoulder lightly. "Screw them. It's their loss. C'mon, I'll show you how to play."

He grabbed the plastic measuring cup off the washing machine and retrieved the quarter from his pocket.

"Okay, so all you need is a cup and a quarter," he said, holding the two objects in front of her face. "Usually, the cup is a shot glass, but the detergent scooper'll do." He set down the measuring cup on the table. "So, you take the quarter, and try to bounce it into the cup." He demonstrated for her, throwing the quarter, hard, against the table and making it into the cup. "Like that." He fished out the quarter and handed it to Eel. "You try."

Eel attempted to bounce the quarter, but it shot back towards her hand, clipping her thumbnail. "Ah fuck!" she hissed, ducking under the table to retrieve the fallen coin.

"Here, look," Squid said, taking the quarter again. "You've gotta try and make it hit the table flat. If it hits the edge of the quarter, it's just gonna fly off and hit someone. Normally that would be fine, but you would be the one person to hit yourself." He shot again, and the quarter landed clean in the cup.

"Shut up, you're such an ass," Eel grumbled, punching his arm. She scraped the quarter from the cup. "How're you so good at this?"

"Lots of parties, lots of practice," Squid said, laughing. "Go on, try it again."

She kept throwing quarters and missing, hitting herself a few more times before Squid switched her to a dime, claiming they were "bouncier". Her frustration grew with the strength she put behind each shot.

"Shit, E, calm down," Squid said, shooting a quarter into the cup. "It's just a game."

"It's a stupid game," Eel snapped.

"Aw, c'mon, babe, you're just mad because you can't make it." Squid slung an arm over her shoulders and patted her arm. "Just keep trying, and don't get mad."

Eel took a deep breath and shook out her tense muscles. Squid kept a hand on her back as she shot again, and, to both of their surprise, made it.

"Holy shit, I did it!" she exclaimed.

"It only took you about a billion tries," Squid teased.

The drier buzzed behind them as Eel punched his arm again. He laughed and pocketed his quarter.

"Tell you what," he said. "You keep practicing, and next time we're in here, we'll play for real. Loser gets to wash underwear."

Eel grinned at him. "You're on."

* * *

 **Present Day**

* * *

"I wanna be with you, Squid," she continued. "I care about you a lot, and I love the way I feel when I'm with you. We have fun and it's real and it's nice, and I don't ever have to pretend to be something I'm not with you… But I've never been with anyone before, and I just don't know if I'm ready for that."

"It's okay," Squid said, cupping her face in his palm, his rough thumb ghosting across her cheekbone. It was a small gesture, but it was another reminder, a silent one, that it was all fine.

He closed the gap between them briefly, pressing his lips to her cheek, before he settled against her, nestling his head against her neck. Eel wrapped her arms around him, just to keep him from rolling over the side of the couch. Their legs were a bit tangled, her top one hooked around his knee.

Being with Squid was easier than lying awake in H-Tent. He was safe, and there was no reason to be scared when she was with him. He was the comfort of home she missed in this stupid desert, without the pressure of her family and the judgement of their tiny little down. She sighed into his hair, her exhaustion finally beginning to take over.

"Hey, not to be weird or anything," Squid said suddenly, startling Eel from her slight drift. "But do you have a boner or something right now?"

"What the fuck are you talking—oh." Blushing, Eel reached between them and pulled Magnet's watch from her waistband. "I borrowed this from Magnet." She wrapped it around her wrist and began fiddling with the buttons. "I'm gonna set an alarm so we can get back to our tents before anyone catches us out."

"Hm. Smart."

"Yeah, I'm clearly the only one," Eel retorted. "A boner, Squid? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"It was a joke," he protested, snickering.

"Shut up and go to sleep already," Eel grumbled.

"Yes, ma'am," he said.

Magnet's watch went off half an hour before the morning alarm would wake up the rest of the camp. Though she was startled and disoriented, she managed to smile at Squid.

Making sure to turn off the lights in the Wreck Room, they hurried back to their tents in the dark. Only the kitchen staff was awake, busy preparing breakfast for the inmates, and no one caught them.

Eel handed the watch back to Squid when they reached D-Tent, but he held onto her hand, preventing her from leaving.

"Hey, wait," he said.

"Squid, someone could see us," Eel warned.

"I just wanna ask something," he said. "It'll just take a second."

"What is it?"

"Look, I don't wanna do that thing we always do," he said. "Where we're good for a little while, but then Gill comes along and we lose it and shit hits the fan. Can we just agree not to let her get between… whatever this is anymore?"

Eel shook her head. "No, she won't. Never again."

"You promise?"

"I promise." Eel stared at Squid for a moment, chewing on her lip. Then she stepped forward, raising onto her toes and grabbing him by the shoulders, and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "There. Sealed with a kiss."

He looked stunned for a split second, but then his hands were on her hips, pulling her into a hug as he stifled a laugh. "You're a giant dork," he said. "But I love it."

"Oh, fuck off," Eel said, her face burning as she gently pushed him away. She turned and made a beeline for H-Tent, perfectly aware that he was watching her as she walked away.


	18. Chapter 18

"You okay?" Squid startled both Eel and Zigzag by plopping down next to Eel without warning. "You're thinking so hard smoke's starting to come out of your ears."

"I'm fine," Eel said, trying to smooth out her scowl, probably only making it worse. She had been thinking about Gill, which she knew Squid and Zigzag could figure out – her furious silence was rarely not a sign she was deep in thought.

She glanced across the Wreck Room, to where Gill was playing pool with Hollywood. As if she could sense her gaze, Gill glanced up, her face twisting in a sneer as her eyes flicked from Eel to Squid to Zigzag.

"Stop looking at her," Squid told Eel, grabbing her chin and forcing her to turn her face towards the TV. "You're just gonna make it worse."

"How would I make it worse?" Eel demanded, smacking his hand away. "She's already planning to murder me; I don't see how I could possibly make that worse." She knew her worries were ridiculous – Gill would never stand a chance against her.

Zigzag rolled his eyes. "Stop being so overdramatic," he said. "If she murders you, we'll feed her to the lizards."

"We got your back, baby," Squid teased, patting her on the shoulder.

"Thanks?" Eel said, bewildered.

"You know we have counseling together tonight?"

"Oh, good," Eel said, not bothering to hide her disdain with a wrinkled nose and grimace. "That'll be so much fun."

"Mom has been real hyped up about it all day," Zigzag said. The counselor had been exceedingly chipper at lunchtime, even allowing them to get an extra cookie.

"Probably had something to do with his raging hard-on for Blondie," Eel said, earning a snicker from Squid.

"That's disgusting," Zigzag stated, giving her a rough shove.

Eel grinned as her shoulder knocked into Squid's. He draped an arm around her casually, chucking at Zigzag's discomfort. She leaned against him, content to remained sandwiched between the two boys for the rest of their free time.

"Are you actually gonna go to group counseling this time?" Squid asked.

"I don't think I can get away with skipping it again," Eel shrugged. She had barely skimmed by last week, only getting a few nights of kitchen duty, but Ida wouldn't let her off so easy if she tried it a second time.

"Dear God, please don't leave us alone with your fucking tent," Zigzag grumbled.

Eel snickered. "Alright, fine, I'll actually go," she said. She spared another glance over to the pool tables, where Gill had her back turned to her. Dread clenched at her stomach, and she just wished for the night to end already.

* * *

"Your hands are getting better, Lily," Pendanski said, glancing over Ida's clipboard. "I hope they haven't bothered you too much during the day."

Eel met Zigzag's amused gaze, flexing her hand at the mention. They had been healing well enough, the bruises fading and pain only obvious when she applied direct pressure.

"You know me, Doc," she said, smirking. "I'm tough as nails." She flicked her hair over her shoulder and stretched a leg in front of her as a few members from both tents snickered, ignoring stern look Pendanski shot her.

"And you said you hurt them how, exactly?" he pressed.

"It was those damn tent doors," Eel said, clicking her tongue. Her gaze flicked to Squid, who grinned around a toothpick at her. "Y'all should really work on getting those fixed. They're dangerous."

He ignored her comment, scribbling something into the clipboard. "Was it in a fight? With Squid maybe? Or perhaps Gill?"

The girls' side fidgeted, all amusement drained quick from the tent. In the past two days, the girls of Tent H had taken to completely ignoring Gill and Eel (except for Hollywood, who remained glued to Gill's side). Gill mostly spent her afternoons playing pool with Hollywood. Eel stayed with Zigzag at the TV. Apparently, the counselors had picked up on this too.

"No," Eel said, scowling. It was only the truth, but, of course, no one expected that from her. Even her tentmates weren't sure how she had injured herself, curious if there had been some behind-the-scenes fight with Gill. Only Squid had any idea of what she had done to herself.

"Are you sure?" Ida asked, clearly not believing Eel.

"I think I'd remember getting hurt by a person and not a door."

"Now, Lily," Pendanski started, taking on a self-important tone, "As counselors, it is our job to make sure everyone is happy and healthy. If you and another camper are having problems, we need to know so that we can resolve it."

Lies. It was all lies, and everyone in the tent knew it. Pendanski didn't care about their wellbeing – no one did. Their job, whether they admitted it or not, was to ensure the campers dug a hole every single day. To keep everyone from fighting, so no injured campers got a day off.

"There's nothing to resolve," Eel said simply, shrugging. "You can check happy and healthy off your list because everyone here is perfectly fine."

Sighing under the intimidating glares of the inmates, Pendanski scratched his neck. "Why don't we take a five-minute break and then regroup?" he suggested in a defeated tone. "Ida, will you join me outside? I'd like to discuss our next subject for this session."

The two counselors exited the tent, remaining in Eel's view from between the tent flaps as they talked over the clipboard.

"Hey, Eel."

Eel raised a shaking hand to her face and rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm, trying to ignore Gill's voice spiking through her eardrums.

"Eel."

The silence of the others grew uncomfortable as Eel dropped her hand into her lap and fixed a glare onto Gill. "What?"

A malicious grin glinted across Gill's face. "I have something of yours," she said, patting the pocket at her waist.

Eel's wrist twitched, and she felt the rub of Katie's bracelet against her skin. For a moment, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion – she hadn't brought much to camp, nor had she acquired anything while there. There was nothing Gill could take from her.

"Fuck off, Gill," Eel said, rolling her eyes. She wouldn't let Gill get in her head the way she did everyone else.

"Aw, you don't wanna know what I've got?" Gill pretended to pout as she reached into her pocket.

"You haven't got anything," Eel said. "I'm not stupid."

"You sure?" Gill asked, snickering, her expression smug. She pulled her hand out of her pocket and showed off a crumpled piece of paper. "Because I think you'd be surprised what I find in pockets when I'm on laundry duty."

Eel's heart plummeted into her stomach, the color draining from her face as she realized Gill had Barfbag's letter.

Panic swelled in her throat – she had left that in her cubby, hadn't she? No, no, stupid, she had put her still-sealed letters into her backpack, but she had forgotten about the balled-up page in her other pocket.

"Give that to me," Eel said, her voice suddenly low and hoarse. She held out her hand for it, but the hope of getting it back without a fight had already fizzled out in her chest. "Please tell me you didn't read it." Even the thought of Gill knowing what was in that letter brought a sting to Eel's eyes. If Gill told anyone – especially Squid and Zigzag – what she had done to her best friend, she wasn't sure if she could live with herself.

"Not yet. I was waiting for an audience. Like you did, remember?" Gill said, her grin spreading as she began smoothing out the edges of the paper. "But I can take a guess as to what it is."

"Gill," Eel murmured. "Please don't…"

"Barfbag's the only person writing to you these days, isn't he?" Gill asked. "Is this one of his love letters?"

"Gill, stop, that's enough," Karate protested. "Just give the letter back."

"God, you guys are no fun," Gill said, rolling her eyes.

"This is your idea of funny?" Zigzag asked, glaring across the tent at her.

"Aw, look at ya, sticking up for Barfbag's girl," Gill taunted. She flattened a corner of the page down against her knee. "Squid, you'll love this! He signed it Love Lewis. How sweet."

Eel flinched, something deep in her chest squeezing so tight it was uncomfortable. She had wasted so much time and energy pretending to be someone she wasn't, only to become another pawn in Gill's manipulative mind games. She thought she was fighting for a friend, someone that would have her back – it should have kept her safe until she could return to her home, and, more importantly, to Katie. Instead, it had all been in vain. Her best friend was dead, and there was no one left back home that cared about her.

The only thing Eel could hear as she stood up was the rush of blood that pounded through her ears. She took a slow step forward, looming high and mighty over Gill, her hands balled so fiercely into fist that her fingernails dug into her palms and her knuckles ached against the force.

"Give it back," she hissed.

Gill smirked back up at her and gave a short reply. Eel's hearing was still fuzzy, but she thought she saw Gill's lips make out the words, "Eat shit."

And that was the moment everyone knew Gill was done for.

* * *

 **Hey thereeee. My apologies for that long absence. No point in making excuses, just know that I'm back & kicking. This update is shorter than I wanted, and this chapter was supposed to be twice as long, but I was running out of time to edit. Don't worry, I'll have another update out next week to make up for it ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

Karate was fast, but, not expecting what came next, not fast enough to stop Eel when she threw herself across the tent and tackled Gill, whose head slammed hard into the floor. There was a strangled yell from the H-Tent leader as Eel's knee drove into her gut followed by wheezing from Eel's hands squeezing around her throat.

"Don't think you fuck with me anymore," Eel hissed, digging her nails against the scars on Gill's neck.

The other inmates watched in shock, none too enthused by the idea of separating a viciously angry Eel from Gill, as Eel swung her leg up and slammed her foot down on Gill's wrist. Gill yelped and the crumpled letter dropped from her hand.

A sick satisfaction buzzed her stomach as Gill's face flooded red from the lack of air. With her left hand still pinning Gill to the floor, Eel wound back her right hand and slammed her fist into Gill's jaw. Blood spurted from Gill's lip and Eel could see a gap between some of her lower teeth. She couldn't stop the smile that curled the corners of her mouth.

But before she could land another punch, a pair of hands found the back of her jumpsuit and hauled her away, several inmates swarming the space between the two girls.

"Shit, Soph, you'd think you'd've learned by now not to pick fights you know you can't win," Squid said, snorting. Eel, who had been thrashing against Zigzag's hold, stilled when she realized he had snagged the letter off the floor, her eyes growing wide and terrified at the hard stare he gave her.

Hollywood helped Gill sit up, and Gill spat out a bloody tooth. "You aren't allowed to call me that anymore," she hissed.

Squid ignored the puzzled looks he received, keeping his gaze glued on Eel. "Are you done?" he asked. He raised Barfbag's letter. "Because, if you're not, you can't have this back."

"I'm done," Eel blurted out. She felt Zigzag's grip loosen and she ripped away from him, swiping the letter from Squid and stuffing it out of sight in her pocket.

Squid stared at her for a moment longer, his eyebrows lifting slightly in concern, as if to ask what all this was about. Eel pursed her lips, shaking her head almost imperceptibly, shooting a pointed look around the room, at everyone surrounding them.

"This is fucking stupid," Karate said. "And it's gone on long enough. You guys aren't going to start fighting. We won't fucking let you." She looked from Eel to Gill, her jaw set, challenging them to argue.

Eel stifled a snort – of course, she should have known. The other girls of H-Tent wouldn't let the drama die on its own, and if the tension between her and Gill continued, she would find herself outnumbered six to one.

Two sets of footsteps entered the tent and everyone turned to see Pendanski and Ida hurrying back into the tent. No one missed that Pendanski's shirt was buttoned wrong – it hadn't been earlier.

"What is going on in here?" Ida demanded, her eyes travelling from Gill's bloody face, being inspected by Hollywood, to Eel's suspiciously rumpled appearance. "Have you girls been fighting?"

"No," Eel said, swiveling her head back to cock an eyebrow at Gill. She shoved her hands into her pockets, her right-hand curling around her letter. "We were just messing around, weren't we, Gilly?"

"We saw what was going on," Pendanski said sternly, reminding Eel of an elementary-school teacher speaking to toddlers. "Don't you girls have something to say to each other?" He gestured for Karate and Squid to move away.

"No," Eel repeated.

"I've got nothing to say to her," Gill said, spitting out another glob of blood.

"What about an apology?" Ida asked.

Eel didn't move a muscle, her face scrunching into a scowl.

"Come now, girls," Pendanski urged when it was obvious neither would do as they were asked. "Just shake hands and apologize."

"Fine," Gill said, reluctantly stepping away from Hollywood, slowly lifting her hand. "I'll be the bigger gal here, shall I?"

As Eel turned to face her, both of Gill's hands flew up and shoved against her shoulders, sending her staggering into Squid.

"That's it, Gill," Karate snapped. "You're fucking done."

Because she was glancing over her should in bewilderment at Karate, Squid saw it coming before Eel did. His hands tight on her hips, he pulled her out the way as Gill swung at Karate. Her flat hand struck Karate across the cheek, and Karate glared, unfazed.

"Do you think I haven't noticed you guys talking behind my back?" Gill asked, grabbing Karate by the front of the shirt. "Whispering your little plans to side with her – yeah, I know all about that."

Karate smirked, clearly unimpressed. "We weren't trying to hide it," she said. She still didn't dodge when Gill landed another smack on her other cheek.

When Karate's eyes narrowed, the other inmates scrambled away, finding refuge near the mouth of the tent and behind cots. Pendanski had disappeared, but Ida was frozen in her spot.

There was a brief silence, the entire room holding its breath, as Karate pressed a hand to the red mark on her cheek.

"You're fucking dead," Karate said in a low voice.

"Hit me, I fucking dare you," Gill said.

In the next second, she was sprawled across the floor, Karate bearing down on her with her fists, pummeling Gill across the face and neck, not even bothering to use any martial arts techniques that sent a chill through even the worst inmates at Green Lake.

Ida finally seemed to break out of her trance, scurrying forward just enough to yell at the girls. "Ava, you stop this right now!" she cried. "You're getting two weeks of kitchen duty!"

Eel bit back a sour remark – she hardly thought Karate gave two shits about receiving kitchen duty.

A hand grabbed her shoulder. "Do something," Walker said.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do?" Eel demanded. "I'd like to not die, thanks." She gestured at the mess off limbs and screaming in the center of the tent. Maybe she should do something, but she wasn't exactly keen on subjecting herself to Karate's hits.

"You've been here the longest after Gill," Walker insisted. "You're our tent leader. She'll listen to you."

Eel gave her a bewildered look, her lips parting to ask a question she didn't know how to form. She wasn't tent leader yet. As long as Gill was here, she had control of the tent. At least, that was the way it was supposed to be – clearly Karate had stopped caring.

Before Eel could reply, a voice dreaded by everyone sounded at the entrance of the tent.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Eel whirled around, coming face-to-face with the Warden, followed closely by Pendanski, and her heart dropped into her stomach.

* * *

"Well, Eel, what are you waiting for?" the Warden demanded. "Separate them."

Eel nodded slowly, her throat swelling with fear. She took a step forward, but remained far enough away to not get hit.

"Karate!" she shouted. "Karate, knock it off!"

The younger girl froze, her fist still drawn back. She turned her head to look at Eel, and Eel almost quivered under the ferocity of her glare.

"C'mon, get up," Eel said, wrapping her hand around Karate's arm and pulling her to her feet. "You've done enough."

Still panting, Karate observed Eel for a moment, her eyes much softer than a moment before. "You good, E?" she asked.

Puzzled, Eel nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The Warden took a single step forward, the sharp click of her heel on the ground startling the campers from their confused haze and hurrying into haphazard lines along the ends of the cots, like soldier standing at attention.

Another pair of boots entered the tent and everyone shifted uneasily at the appearance of Mr. Sir. With his usual, squinting glare, he scuffled forward, making eye contact with every camper, his hand never leaving his pistol, a silent threat not to move.

"My, my, you girls sure are a rough bunch," the Warden said, strolling along the lines and coming to a stop in front of Karate. "I must say, I am surprised. Fightin' between girls and boys was expected." Her gaze drifted past Karate, to where Eel was standing, with Squid shoulder-to-shoulder with her. "And even between tents… But not from girls in the same tent. There's no sisterhood in that? Someone care to tell me what happened?"

No one spoke. The girls began looking towards Eel, as if waiting for her to start. Staring at X-Ray's shoes to avoid their eyes, she kept her mouth shut.

"Walker, how about you? Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Walker balked like a deer in the headlights, her eyes snapping open and face flushing red as she stepped forward, pulling her hands out of her pockets, and then promptly putting them back in.

"Well, Gill had something, y'see," she mumbled, nodding at Gill. "Something of Eel's, and Eel was just trying to get it back."

"What did Gill have of Eel's?" the Warden asked, cocking her head to look at Gill, who had tilted her head back and pinched her bleeding nose.

"A letter," Walker said, her voice trembling. The Warden was the kind of woman that seemed to shift in between a kind, almost motherly persona and a cold, glaring psychopath. "From Barfbag. Said she found it while she was doing laundry." She peeked over at Eel, trying to gauge whether she should keep talking. Eel shrugged, seeing no point in trying to hide anything. "She was gonna read it out loud, and that's when Eel jumped her for it. We got 'em apart and Mom tried making them apologize and then Gill pushed Eel, and that's when Karate got between them and they started fighting."

"May I see the letter in question?" the Warden asked, rounding on Eel, her hand outstretched.

Eel flinched, swallowing the lump in her throat as she pulled the letter from her pocket, quickly uncrumpling it and handing it over. The Warden was quiet as she scanned over the letter, her cool expression unchanging. Finally, she handed it back to Eel, who didn't meet her eyes as she pocketed it again.

"My condolences," the Warden said, almost sounding sincere.

"Thank you, ma'am," Eel said, burning under the scrutiny of her inmates. She could see Squid an Zigzag watching her from the corner of her eye, but she ignored them.

Squid reached out and nudged the back of her hand when the Warden wasn't looking – she had turned to Karate, standing between X-Ray and Zigzag. Eel shook her head, unable to look up. He dropped his hand back to his side.

"And why did you get involved, Karate?"

Karate folded her arms over her chest. "We said we would," she said quietly.

"Who said we would?" the Warden asked. "Would what?"

"The other girls – Cat and Red," Karate explained slowly. "We agreed that if Gill tried to start something with Eel, we'd stop her."

"And why did you decide to do that?"

"There was too much drama." Karate shrugged. "We were getting sick of all of it."

"Of course, how could I forget," the Warden said. "It was you that started all this boys versus girls nonsense at my camp, wasn't it, Gill?"

Gill didn't respond, electing to stared in a dazed manner at the canvas ceiling of the tent. Her nose had stopped bleeding, the remaining blood crusty and dry around her mouth and chin, but she pretended it hadn't so should wouldn't have to look at the others.

The Warden smirked, her long legs making short strides across the tent to where Gill stood. She was much taller than the inmate, and stared down at her – Gill could avoid her gaze with her upturned face.

"You think you're so big and tough because you have a sidekick?" the Warden asked. She glanced over her shoulder at Eel. "Used to, at least. You think you're the top dog just because you've been here the longest and you just deserve to be in charge, right?"

Tears began to leak from the corners of Gill's eyes, streaming down her cheeks, mixing with the dried blood on her chin. Uncomfortable with this exchange, Eel had to look away.

"Karate, tell me," the Warden continued without looking away from Gill. "If you had to pick a new tent leader, who would you pick?"

After a moment's hesitation, Karate answered, "Eel."

"That's a good answer," the Warden said. She turned to look at the other girls. "What about you? Do you think you'd like Eel as your tent leader?"

Catwoman and Red nodded. Hollywood bit her lip, but reluctantly nodded.

"Well, Sophia, it looks like you've been demoted," the Warden said, looking and sounding amused. "Ida, have Sophia transferred to I-Tent tonight. They were supposed to have a new inmate joining them next week, but I think H-Tent could use some fresh blood."

"Yes, of course," Ida said.

Just before she left the tent, the Warden stopped in front of Eel. "I trust you'll treat your girls better than your predecessor?"

"I—yes, ma'am," Eel said. She was in shock. As she watched Ida guide Gill out of the tent, she felt like her head would explode from the confusion.

"Let's go, boys," Pendanski called from the entrance of the tent, and then he was gone, followed by a still-squinty Mr. Sir.

Squid reached up and squeezed Eel's shoulder, granting her a crooked grin before following Zigzag out of H-Tent.

* * *

 **I'm sure one day I'll be on a regular update schedule, but today is not that day. Kinda going through some stuff right now, so don't expect stuff every other Wednesday for now. Regardless, thanks to the new people following/favoriting and all the new reviews. That was pretty much my only motivation to actually update again. Anyway, thanks for reading and plz leave a review, otherwise I'll start thinking no one reads this anymore and won't want to keep up with it.**

 **bye, luv u nerds xx pkc**


	20. Chapter 20

"Come get your lunch, girlies," Mr. Sir called.

The H-Tent girls trudged to the truck, falling into the new line order that had been assigned that morning. They had watched Eel expectantly, silent until she realized what the dilemma was.

Now, several hours and a few visits from the water truck later, the group was just starting to get used to it.

Eel had put Karate and Red directly behind her. Karate didn't seem to surprise anyone, but Red did – everyone seemed the understand the Squid-feud that had happened between them. Though it was over now, and Squid had clearly made his choice, Eel couldn't help but feel bad for her fight with Red and wanted to make it up to her without actually talking about it.

Walker and Catwoman stayed where they had been before, at fourth and fifth in line. This didn't seem to bother them much.

Hollywood didn't need to be told to get to the end of the line. She had been standing there the entire time while the line got rearranged, and Eel just let her stay there.

Mr. Sir smirked at her for the fourth time that day as she stood at the front of the line for her water refill before she got her sandwich. He spat out sunflower seed shells at her feet. "Enjoying yourself, Miss _Lily Anne_?"

Eel scowled, her eyes not raising from her canteen as the water level quickly rose. "Every day, Mr. Sir," she said through gritted teeth. He acted like she had planned this and it wasn't just a ridiculous expectation that she hadn't asked for thrust upon her.

Ida greeted Eel with a reserved smile and a brown paper sack. "Good afternoon, Lily," she said. "How's being tent leader?"

Eel slung her canteen over her shoulder as she took the sack, her face twisting into a scowl. "It's wonderful," she mumbled. She started to turn away, but Ida wasn't finished, grabbing her by the arm before she could escape.

"Are you excited to have a new tent mate coming in next week?" she pressed.

"Uh, I guess," Eel said. She heard shuffling behind her and glanced over her shoulder to see Karate, now with a full canteen waiting for her lunch behind her. "Here." Eel shoved her bag into Karate's hands and nodded at her to move on.

"Lily, I think I'd like for you to be the new tentmate's mentor," Ida said. "It's been a while since you've done it and I think it would be a good opportunity for you."

"What, am I getting extra credit for mentoring or something?" Eel asked, puzzled. She reached around Ida and snatched another lunch sack of the truck. "Look, I'll do it, but I'm not gonna be all buddy-buddy with her because you want me to." She turned and stalked away before Ida could try anything again, covering her glare with the rim of her hat.

Why couldn't Karate or Red mentor? They were much friendlier than her, and knew better than her what it was like to be new, since they were both months fresher than Eel.

When she was a few feet away from her hole, someone called her name. She tried to control her expression as glanced over to Ponyboy, who stood in the hole next to hers.

"Where's Gill?" he asked, squinting through dirt-coated eyelashes against the bright Texas sun.

"She got moved to Group I," Eel replied, plopping down onto a dirt pile. She reached into her sack and grabbed her sandwich. She wasn't feeling too hungry, but she knew she'd only regret not eating later. "She started some shit during counseling, and the Warden tore her a new one. Group I was supposed to get a new girl next week, but we're getting her instead."

"Was there a fight?" Ponyboy asked.

"Yeah, Sophia and Karate," Eel said, unable to help the smirk that curled her lips. "She got her ass handed to her." She shouldn't have been as pleased about it as she felt, but there was some very petty part of her that was smug that karma had come back to bite Sophia in the ass.

Ponyboy raised a confused eyebrow. "Who's Sophia?"

"Gill," Eel corrected herself. She frowned, recalling how the Warden had stopped using her nickname. "I don't think we're supposed to call her that anymore, though. The Warden always calls us by our nicknames, but last night she stopped after she made me tent leader."

Whistling through his teeth, Ponyboy grimaced at Eel. Back at the truck, Mr. Sir called for the boys to line up and Pony hauled himself out of his hole to join his tentmates.

Eel finished her sandwich by the time he returned, but he sat on the ground near her.

"What did Sophia do last night then?" Ponyboy asked as he unwrapped his sandwich. Eel frowned at him. He shrugged, gesturing for her to skip the question as he shoved the sandwich into his mouth.

There was silence for a moment, and Eel filled it by chewing on a stale graham cracker. She almost smiled at it, as bad as it was – it reminded her of Squid.

She glanced up and gazed off to the east, where D-Tent was supposed to be digging. They were nothing more than small figures swallowed by the dusty distance, but she could make out Zigzag's wild mane of hair and Squid's yellow t-shirt.

She wondered if Sophia being gone meant she could unapologetically spend more time with them. This morning, she had seen the former H-Tent leader with her new group, her face battered and still covered in dried blood – she must not have been given a chance to clean herself up.

It had been a pathetic sight to see, even if Eel did feel the slightest bit smug that her assault hadn't gone unpunished by the other members of H-Tent. Eel definitely felt some pity swell into her gut. She remembered what it was like to be the underdog – granted, Sophia had used fear and humiliation to alienate herself from her peers so that she could lead some form of a small dictatorship.

Eel had enough sense to keep her distance. The Warden expected her to keep Group H in one piece, and she suspected the girls wouldn't reach too well if she tried to rectify whatever what left of her devastated relationship with Sophia. She didn't really want to, anyway. Some things couldn't be fixed, and she could accept that this was one of those things.

Katie's face clouded her mind for a moment, sending a cold spike through her throat so swiftly Eel felt as if she couldn't breathe. One more thing that she couldn't fix, although she so desperately wanted to.

Eel shuffled back to her hole in a daze, trying to keep her squirming stomach from acting out. She dropped down into the dirt, letting herself sink to the bottom. Kneading her fingers over her eyelids, she sucked in a shaky breath, composure quivering at the edges.

She bit back a dry sob – she was too dehydrated to cry, the sun bearing down on her tan face, whisking all the moisture off her skin until her lips were chapped and white.

 _Suck it up_ , she told herself. _Suck it up, suck it up_. Her chest clenched in frustration against the swell of emotion that she refused to let out. She couldn't lose her control – not again. No one was going to pat her back and tell her everything was going to be fine. She had let her emotions control her actions too much already, and she couldn't end up like Sophia.

Eel swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. Make it through today, she told herself. She pushed herself back up, fighting her own resistant body. Picking up her shovel, she chewed on her lip and got back to work.

* * *

As Eel trouped back to H-Tent from the showers, a towel draped across her shoulders to catch the water dripping from her hair, she spotted Sophia returning to I-Tent, covered in dirt and straight off the lake from digging. They reached the entrances of their respective tents at the same time, and Sophia finally noticed Eel.

Eel remained impassive while Sophia's eyes narrowed. With a light, amused chuckle, Eel ducked into H-Tent, leaving Sophia glaring after her. Sophia wasn't her problem anymore.

Eel tossed her towel onto her cot, striding across the floor to the cubbies to find her hairbrush. She fished it out from the bottom of her backpack – she put her hair up or braided it after showering, but it had gotten pretty matted from dust storms that flew across the desert the last few days.

She withdrew her brush as soon as she found it, but several other things came out with it, caught on the bristles and falling to the floor. She glanced down, startled by the plastic clattering against the wood floor, and picked her glasses up from the floor.

Eel's eyesight wasn't horrible – certainly not as bad as X-Ray's or Dexter's. She could see find without her prescription, with nothing more than a little distortion around the edges of far-away objects. For softball, she usually wore contacts, and her glasses were reserved for class time. Figuring she couldn't get her contacts shipped to Camp Green Lake, she brought her glasses instead. Boy, had that been a mistake.

Running a finger over the black browline frame, Eel recalled Sophia's advice on her first day to not wear them.

They think you look like a wuss, she had said.

But those weren't Rook's words. Looking back on the former H-Tent leader, Eel was pretty sure Rook wouldn't have cared. No one cared that X-Ray wore glasses.

It didn't matter much anymore, though. Eel set them back into her cubby and shoved her work jumpsuit in with them, ignoring the cloud of dust that exploded out of the box. There wasn't much to see in the middle of the desert, and she didn't need them.

She bent over to pick up the other items that had fallen from her cubby, but her hand froze as it met a pair of sealed envelopes. She had nearly forgotten about them. How long had it been since she had received them? A week? Two weeks?

Eel recoiled, drawing her hand to her chest as if she'd been burned. Sucking in a breath, she contemplated how they could possibly be worse that Barfbag's first letter. A flood of irrational thoughts and fears filled her head. She knew they were just her anxiety taking hold of her mind, but she still couldn't even bring herself to pick the letters off the floor.

Behind Eel, the tent entrance expanded, a hot ray of sunlight hitting Eel across her back. In one swift movement, she shoved everything into her pockets and whirled around before Catwoman's tall frame had time to erect itself from ducking under the low entrance.

"Oh, hey, Eel," Catwoman said, raising an eyebrow at her standing stiffly in front of the cubbies.

Eel immediately began busying herself with brushing her hair, crossing the tent to sit on her bed. She winced at the bristles tugging through the knots. "Are you the last one back?"

"Yeah," Catwoman replied, putting away her clothes. "Are you gonna go to the Wreck Room?"

"Nah," Eel said, shrugging dismissively. "I'm kinda tired, so I think I'm just gonna get some rest before dinner."

"I can tell the others to steer clear," Catwoman offered.

Eel glanced up to see Catwoman eying her with concern. She felt her face heat up. "Yeah, alright," she said. "Thanks, Cat."

When Catwoman left the tent, Eel tossed her brush to the end of the bed and instinctively felt at the letters through her pocket. In a split-second, she had made up her mind.

* * *

heyy ya girl's back... so some stuff's gonna happen next chapter, and there's going to be some very, very, very important moments for Squid and Eel's relationship. However, I don't know how long it's gonna take to get up, so I'm begging you, please don't give up hope on me. anyway thanks for reading and I will hopefully see you soon xx


	21. Chapter 21

Eel shoved the sealed letters back into to her cubby. She couldn't do it.

Instead, she sprawled across her bed, facedown against her pillow.

 _How pathetic am I?_ she thought. _Too much of a wuss to read a fucking letter._

She knew she would have to eventually. It was inevitable. But, no matter what, she was certain she wouldn't like what she'd read. Half of her wanted to get it over it. The other half wanted to bury them in a hole and never think about them again.

But the longer she waited, the more it would hurt later.

Breathing shallowly through her musty pillow, she wondered if Tyler would pick up the phone if she called. His apartment phone number was the only one she had memorized.

What would he even say to his useless delinquent sister?

 _Stop being a fuckin' idiot and read my letter already._

Eel rolled onto her side, throwing her arms over her head to block out the light. Too bad campers weren't allowed to use Green Lake's only phone. She wished she could call her brother, even if she hated him. She sure missed hating him.

Just outside the tent entrance, the top step creaked. Eel peeked through her arms – all the girls knew where to step to avoid the squeaky step. Squid poked his head into the tent.

Eel sat up, her heart flipping at the sight of him. The sun setting behind him immersed him in gold light, reflecting red off his dark brown hair. As he pushed the tent flaps back, the sunlight caught in Eel's eye and she flinched, drawing her gaze away.

"Uh, hey," Squid said, shooting a quick look around the tent. He had never been in the tent other than counseling, and for some reason, he thought it would look different. The cubbies were slightly messier, but wasn't far from the usual. He glanced back to Eel, sitting on her cot, her hair still wet from a shower. "I kinda overheard Cat say you were staying in here until dinner, so I thought I'd check and make sure you're okay."

"You're not supposed to be in here," Eel said. She nodded in the general direction of the Warden's cabin. "If you get caught, they'll punish you."

Squid rolled his eyes and plopped down on Eel's cot. "I think I can handle washing dishes for a week," he said.

Eel hummed in amusement, avoiding his gaze by staring at her hands.

"Zig woulda came too, but he didn't want the Warden to see him on the cameras," he said, watching her reaction carefully.

"I've told him a billion times," Eel muttered. "I've been in the Warden's cabin and I ain't ever seen any surveillance crap." She frowned. "Don't y'all go stealing shit from counselors like every other week?"

"I think the Warden really scared him last night," Squid explained. "You know how he is. Sometimes he's fine and sometimes he's really not." He paused, chewing on his toothpick as he thought. "Zig's worried about you."

"Zig's worried about everything," Eel pointed out.

"Yeah, and he's usually got a good reason to be," Squid snapped, irritated that she could so easily throw her own best friend under the bus to cover herself. "I'm worried about you, stupid."

"You shouldn't be," Eel said. "I'm fine."

"Fine my ass," Squid scoffed.

Eel smirked. "It's pretty nice."

"You didn't eat for five days," Squid said, narrowing his eyes at her. "How can you make jokes about that right now?"

"Well, I'm eating now," Eel protested, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "What does it matter?"

"It matters because no one wants you to kill yourself," he said.

"Who even cares?" Eel exclaimed, her face burning deep red. "Why would anyone care if I killed myself?" Tears threatened to well at the back of her eyes, and she had to concentrate to keep them at bay.

"More people that you'd think," Squid said. "Even Red told me to help you."

Eel scrubbed her hands over her face, unable to capture a coherent thought to reply. Her stomach was clenching with that same, sick feeling. Suddenly, she just felt so tired and she almost wanted to burst into spontaneous sobs. She wished Squid would just leave. But she didn't want him to go, either.

"Lily."

She could almost feel her heart crack. "Don't," she pleaded, her voice suddenly tiny and pathetic and her eyes stinging. She didn't want him to call her that. Her name held too many memories, and she couldn't stand hearing. "Don't fucking call me that."

Squid hesitated, dumbfounded. "I'm-I'm sorry, E…"

Eel directed her eyes up, trying to keep the tears that had been threatening for several minutes from spilling out, but they defied her anyway. She sucked in a sharp breath, wiping the wetness away from face with her palm. She could feel his eyes on her face and she turned away from him, planting her feet on the floor.

Everything came bubbling to the surface to choke her, tightening her chest with panic and anger and guilt. She struggled more with each breath, emotions clogging her throat, forcing her into a wheezing fit. Tears streaked down her face, dripping onto her thighs and tinting the vivid orange of her jumpsuit a few shades darker.

All the things she tried so hard to forget were rushing into her head. Katie's disappointed face as she watched Eel get pushed headfirst into the police cruiser. Her father hurling a vase across the living room, shatter both the vase and the framed photo of Eel in her softball uniform. Cody creeping into her bedroom at one in the morning, eight hours before she would be shipped off to Camp Green Lake, begging and pleading with her to stay.

"I don't have a choice," she had told him, glad he couldn't see how puffy her face was in the dark. "I screwed up, bubs, and I gotta make up for the stuff I've done wrong." She wanted to stay. She didn't want to leave him or Katie or Melina or Johnny, but she couldn't change the court's decision.

"Is going to Camp Green Lake like jail?" he asked, climbing into the bed and curling up next to her. He was way too old to be sleeping in her bed, she thought. She let it slide, though. She didn't want to be alone.

"Yeah." She didn't know what Camp Green Lake was, where it was, who ran it. But she imagined it couldn't possibly be worse than jail.

"Is going to jail like repenting? Like in church?" Cody continued.

She frowned, glancing across the room to the wooden cross hanging next to her wall clock. Not even God could save her now.

"Yeah," she said. "I'm repenting for my sins."

"I heard Dad tell Momma that he didn't want you to come back," Cody said, clutching at the sleeve of her nightshirt. "He's lying, right? You're gonna come back, right?"

Her throat tightened. She had suspected as much, but she had hoped with fervor that she was wrong. Her father hadn't looked at her since her arrest, and her mother had been exceedingly cold with her. She had tried to convince herself that they would come to forgive her – they were her parents; that's what they were supposed to do, right?

"I'll come back, bubba," she said, hugging him tight to her chest. "It's just a year. I'll be back in time to help you with next year's Halloween costume. I promise."

But it was a lie. She knew she would never get to see her baby brother again, and it hurt even more to know she was letting him down with an empty promise.

The guilt from everything she had done, from everyone she had hurt clenched at her. She wished she could tell Katie how sorry she was, and how she never meant for this to happen. If anyone should have been dead, it was her own damn self. She deserved more than anyone else to die out in the middle of the fucking desert. She had been too cocky, too selfish, and it was a fault that cursed every aspect of her life. All that she had done bled through the cracks of her shattered existence and into Lewis's life. Now he was suffering for what she had done, too.

Her refusal to admit her shortcomings had cultivated under the hot desert sun, until her self-pity and resentment boiled into rage, constantly bubbling beneath her thin skin. She projected her anger onto anyone she could – Sophia, Squid, Tyler, Golson… Her blinding fury protected from the cold, hard truth that whispered at the back of her mind. The truth she tried to keep from herself for so long.

There was nobody to blame but herself. No one had pushed her hand, forced her to retaliate. She could tell herself all her life that she was always the victim, but she had gotten herself arrested, and people got hurt in the process. Nobody was responsible but her.

She could lash out all she wanted against Golson and Tyler and Sophia, but, at the end of the day, it didn't matter. Pretending that everything that went wrong in her life could be blamed on them was a child's mentality. It was that kind of mindset that had landed her in a correctional facility. She was almost eighteen, and she had to grow up sometime.

She didn't hate them at all. She just hated herself.

She hated herself so much that she forced herself to fall asleep before the lights could dim and leave her to her own thoughts at night. She hated herself so much that she had refused to look at herself in the mirror for months at a time, revolted by the sight that reflected every time. She hated herself so much that she needed the acceptance and recognition of her tentmates to fuel her fake confidence. She hated herself so much she tried to push away the few people at Green Lake that gave a shit about her.

Feeling like her head might explode, Eel gasped for air, sucking droplets of tears and saliva into her windpipe. Her lungs convulsed and tried to expel the moisture, racking her with violent coughs. She could almost taste the smoke from Golson's office, smell the burning plastic. Whining aloud, Eel braced her hands on her knees.

The cot creaked as Squid shifted towards her, lifting his hand to her back. "Eel."

"Why didn't you just let me starve?" she retched out. She let out a frustrated grunt, trying to regain control of her lungs. Her body folded with the pressure in her chest.

Squid grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her back sharply. She resisted the movement, but he held her in place. "C'mon, E, just breathe."

Keeping upright seemed to ease the stress in her chest. Her face tingling, she gulped down a large breath. "I wish you didn't love me," she blurted out, a steady stream of tears still pouring down her cheeks.

Squid didn't reply to that, tugging more on her shoulders until she collapsed onto the cot, her head on his thigh. "That's it, baby," he said, his voice low and soothing. "Just breath, E." He dabbed at her damp face with the sleeve of his jumpsuit and, like she had done with him the other night, ran his fingers through her hair.

Eel squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled, forcing her lungs to expand slowly. Squid gave up on trying to dry her face and just moved his hand to rest on her stomach. As she breathed out, she focused on the heat of his hand, burning yet comforting through her t-shirt.

His breath hit her neck, chilling the sheen of sweat under her chin. Her gaze met his, and she searched his face for a hint of irritation or disgust. But she only found concern, his dark eyebrows tilted up and his mouth twisted into a frown.

"You deserve so much better than me, Squid," she said, continuing her previous admission. He exhaled sharply, his gaze flicking away in disbelief. "You do. I'll just fuck up your life." She hiccuped and took a shuddering breath.

"You won't," he said, fixing his calm gaze on her. "You can't. I've already done enough of that by myself."

"You'd be surprised what I can do," she said, a bitter smile curling at her lips. "I did to everyone else around me – why not you? I might love you, Squid, but that won't make my karma better."

"Huh? What're you talking about, E?" Squid asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

Eel sat up, gently brushing his hands off her, and reached into her pocket. Her letter was still there from the night before. Figures, after everything that happened, she still hadn't learned not to leave it in her jumpsuit. She tugged at the corners and smoothed her fingers across both sides of the paper, flattening it as best as she could. "This is the letter that Gill found. There was a reason I didn't want her to read it, Squid…" Averting her eyes, she offered him the letter, her hands trembling.

Squid's lips parted, his teeth closed on the toothpick. "Wait, you want me to read it?"

Eel nodded, gnawing on her lip. "I trust you, Squid." She grimaced, heat searing her cheeks again.

With a puzzled expression, Squid took the letter.

And Eel waited.

* * *

Aww yissss i believe we have reached the peak of Eel's character development. And just a lil fyi, I'm pretty self-conscious about her whole panic attack scene. Like, I wanted it be real, ig? So the descriptions are kinda gross, but that's kinda the reality of panic attacks. but anyway enjoy. or i guess you already enjoyed. or i hope you did

also college has started up again so my updates definitely won't be regular. idk how i did it last year. but there's no way i can do it this semester, sorry about that


	22. Chapter 22

Squid's stomach clenched harder the more he read the letter. At first, it had been his irrational jealousy kicking at how well Eel and Barfbag knew each other. Barfbag could just bring up all these names that meant nothing to Squid and Eel knew what he was talking about.

He didn't know who Melina was, and he didn't know if her hitting Barfbag was significant. He didn't know who Johnny was, and he didn't know if he should assume it was someone relevant from Eel's life before Camp Green Lake. He hoped not.

Then he reached the last few paragraphs, and his envy for these mystery people disappeared.

He vaguely remembered Eel mentioning a Katie. It was rare for Eel to speak of her old life, and even more so when it came to the people she knew. He was certain Katie had made the bracelet Eel always wore.

Squid gingerly folded the letter over and set it on her pillow. He couldn't bring himself to offer condolences. He was sorry, of course. But it wouldn't help any. He understood it meant nothing.

Squid lifted his eyes, hoping to meet her gaze, but, as he expected, she was turned away again, facing the back wall of the tent. He sighed and moved across the bed, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with her.

"I fucked up big time." Her shoulders sagged. "If I hadn't gotten arrested, Katie would still be alive."

"It's not your fault, E." Squid didn't know how to reassure her without sounding like a complete asshole.

"No, Squid, it really is," she said, burying her face in her hands. "She needed me and I fucked up and left her. I was supposed to look out for her."

"C'mon, Eel, you're the smartest girl I know," Squid said, laying a gentle hand on her back. "You gotta know it ain't that simple."

"All I know is that my best friend is dead," Eel murmured. "And she wouldn't be if I hadn't been arrested." He heard a sniffle and glanced down in time to see fresh tears tracking down her cheeks.

Squid slid his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "It's not your fault," he said. "Bad shit just happens sometimes."

Eel turned to him, pressing her face against his t-shirt. She sniffled again, and Squid felt moisture against his collarbone. He cupped a hand around the back of her neck, cradling her head. His other hand rubbed her back, hoping to comfort her in some way.

"It's gonna be okay, E." It sounded stupid coming from his mouth, but he didn't know what else to say. What would he want to hear? He had no idea. "You're gonna be okay."

"I'm so fucked, Squid," she mumbled against his shirt, her chest giving a sudden jerk as she sniffled.

"Huh?"

Eel withdrew, quickly swiping her hands across her face. "I thought I had my entire life figured out," she said. She shifted around so she was facing Squid, tucking her legs under her. She blinked the remaining tears from her puffy red eyes and pursed her swollen lips for a moment.

With a slow breath, she continued, "My brother's university was gonna recruit me for softball. I had scholarships from all my extracurriculars. Katie and I were gonna share a dorm after she graduated. I figured I was gonna end up marrying some guy I met in college. I was so fucking stupid." She picked up the letter off her pillow and flipped it absently between her fingers. "Now my best friend is gone. My parents kicked me out. My big brother hates me. My little brother will, too, when I don't come back. I don't know if I'll ever see him again."

Eel stuffed the letter into her pocket. She didn't know why she was telling Squid all of this. He hadn't asked to hear it, but she was spilling her guts to him.

The counselors always claimed that talking about their problems would make them feel better. Maybe they were right – although Eel would never admit it. She would certainly never open up during group counseling about anything other than her arrest. These confessions were for Squid only. It seemed that the more she talked, the easier the words moved from her lips. And he hadn't stopped her yet, so she kept going.

"Do you know the story of why I was arrested, Squid?" she asked.

"The exploding microwave, right?" he said. "When you're Vice Principal used it, it started a fire, right?" He had only heard the story once or twice before she had stopped paying attention to counseling sessions altogether.

Eel shook her head. Whenever she had told her story, she had let the others make their own assumptions. She had never lied about her crime, but she had skipped certain parts out of shame.

"If it had exploded when he used it, I probably could have gotten away with it." Licking her lips, she laughed a little, the humor never quite reaching her eyes. "I screwed up when I rewired it. It was old, and I had never really messed with older appliances. When I plugged it back in, it exploded and the power went out. It was right by the office door, and there was this Halloween wreath hangin' on the back of the door, and it caught fire. It spread onto the floor and was coming across the room. I couldn't get out so I just started screamin'." A yellowy-orange color tinted her vision. She shut her eyes and rubbed her palms over her eye sockets, trying to smother it away with darkness. "The Vice Principal – Golson – he heard me while they were evacuatin'. He found a fire blanket and came runnin' through the fire to get me. Wrapped me up and hauled me outta there like it was nothin'. I was fine, but he wasn't. He had burns all over him, and he had to go to the emergency room."

She cleared her throat. "I've only ever told Gill the entire story," she admitted. "I guess I'd just rather people laugh at my stupidity than know someone got hurt saving my sorry ass. At least with the other version, I can pretend that I'm not the most worthless piece of shit there is." Her nose burned again, but the tears didn't return. Maybe she had run out. "My brother thinks I'm the scum of the earth, and he's right. I've ruined so many people's lives, Squid. Golson's, my family's, Katie's, Barfbag's… If I ever get out of this stupid place, it's never gonna matter because I don't even gotta a home to go back to. I've got nothin' left and it's all I fucking deserve."

Squid didn't say anything at first, and Eel couldn't read his expression. As his eyebrows knit together, she was caught off guard for a moment by how handsome he was. She had always found him attractive, but somehow never realized just how… _beautiful_ he was.

"I don't have a home either," he said, suddenly. Eel almost missed what he said, but managed to catch the next bit. "My mom don't want anything to do with me anymore."

Eel hesitated, recalling his walk-out father. Went out for ice cream. Never came back. "You told me about your dad," she said.

"Yeah," he said. "He's long gone. Guess he just got sick of us."

Eel wished to reach out and take his hand in hers, but her heart hammered furiously against her chest in fear. Fear that he would pull away, reject her. She could never understand how he felt about his father. Until she had been arrested, she had been very close to both of her parents.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. It wouldn't help any. But it was the first apology she had said in a long time that felt sincere.

Squid met her gaze, a bitter smile on his lips. "I'm like you, E," he said. "Nothin' left."

Eel pondered that statement. It was comforting, in a weird way, to know she wasn't the only one facing the unknown as their release dates grew closer. She was pretty sure they would both be released in Abilene. Was she crazy for hoping they could find each other after Camp Green Lake?

In the distance, the dinner bell rang, interrupting Eel's inner monologue. She sighed, glancing towards the mouth of the tent, where the last bits of sunlight peeked through the canvas.

"Um, I guess we should go," she said, disappointed that she had to leave the privacy of the tent and be rid of Squid's company.

"Right."

As they left the tent, Squid leading the way and Eel close behind, she slid her hand into his and squeezed lightly.

"Thanks," she said to the back of his head, her face turning red.

Squid laced his fingers between hers, turning to her.

She was caught off guard again. There was a certain look he had that always managed to faze her – the one he was pulling now – where his lopsided smile was teasing, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking, and it amused him.

Squid brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing a light kiss to the back of her palm. "Anytime," he said.

* * *

I have only one thought atm, and that would be

 _ **AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH**_


	23. Chapter 23

"What do you think they're talking about?" Squid asked, squinting over at Eel.

She stood on her toes, craning her neck as she tried to get a glimpse of Zero's face. The top of his hat peeked over the dirt pile that blocked her line of sight.

Caveman's back was to her as sat at the edge of Zero's hole, speaking to him in a low voice. He had just returned from the Warden's cabin, claiming nothing had happened to him, much to the surprise of the other inmates. They had thought for sure she and Mr. Sir would've fed him to the yellow-spotted lizards.

"I have no idea," Eel said, shooting Squid a quick glance. Why Zero would bother finishing Caveman's hole was beyond her. If anything, Magnet should have finished it, seeing as he was the one Caveman took the fall for. "I didn't even know he could talk."

Squid snickered, striking the ground with his shovel. "Zero's talkin', hell must have frozen over," he muttered.

"If hell's frozen over, why are we still sweatin'?" Eel retorted.

Eel's eyes swept across the dig site, meeting several other confused campers' faces. Instead of trying to find an answer for her tentmates, she went back to digging, putting Zero and Caveman in the back of her mind.

Eel left the lake with Squid, long after most had disappeared into the dust, her hand held firmly in his.

As they walked in silence, Eel chewed on lip. Since the previous night, the atmosphere between them had become lighter, easier. Seeing him stride towards her that morning had been like a breath of fresh air rather than a punch to the gut. She didn't have a lump in her throat that constantly reminded her of what she was hiding from him.

Her eyes flicked upward, momentarily admiring his lopsided smile. Something about him seemed different, too. He held himself differently. He seemed maybe a few inches taller, and he seemed more open towards her. It was… nice. It felt like another barrier broken between them, and now they understood each other just a little bit better. And the thought of that almost made her break into a fierce grin.

"What're you looking at?" Squid drawled, blinking lazily at her through dust-coated eyelashes.

"Nothin'," Eel said, the dirt on her face covering her blush. "I was just thinking."

"Uh-huh, care to share?" he asked. "'cause it looked like you were checking me out. Now, I don't mind or anything, but you're not exactly subtle."

Clicking her tongue, Eel swiped at the bill of his hat, knocking it off his head. "Someone's gotta big ego," she said, ducking around him to snatch it off the ground.

He snickered, tugging off the t-shirt he had wrapped around his head. As Eel gloated over the possession of his baseball cap, he snagged her bucket hat. He plopped it onto his head, twisting the cord back so it rested along the back of his neck. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Like a dork," Eel offered, in turn putting his cap on, pulling her ponytail through the hole in the back.

He rolled his eyes, flicking the bill of his had with his forefinger.

Shouldering her shovel, Eel followed him to the Library. Before they separated to take showers in their respective buildings, they stopped in front of D-Tent to switch back hats.

With the bucket hat back in her hand, Eel's face darkened to a scowl. Her hands tightened around the khaki material, memories of Barfbag wearing the hat flickering behind her eyes. And with thoughts of Barfbag, came… She had almost forgotten – Squid did a good job distracting her, so it would seem.

"What's up, E?"

Glancing up, she met Squid's concerned gaze. She sighed, shoving Barfbag's hat into her pocket.

"I got some other letters a while back," she said, her fingers scrabbling at the button on her bracelet. "There's another from Barfbag and one from my brother. I just… I don't know. I feel like I've just been putting it off for too long, but I guess I need to read them."

"Oh." Squid hesitated, his eyebrows drawing together. "Do you wanna… Do you need some time alone?"

For a split second, Eel opened her mouth to agree, to confirm that it was something she needed to do by herself, but abruptly shut it. How long had she been telling herself that, only to have her words bite her in the ass?

Squid and Zigzag were always telling her she didn't have to be by herself. Maybe they were right. She knew deep down that she could never face Barfbag's letter alone – not after his big reveal in the first one – and Tyler's letter would probably only bring her a world of hurt, just like his last one.

Eel turned pink, rubbing the back of her neck as she stared at the ground. "Uh, the opposite, actually," she said. "Would you… uh… mind reading them with me, I guess?" She stifled the embarrassment of her request with a vague and hopefully maybe, trying to ignore the squirm in her stomach as Squid stared down at her.

"Yeah, sure."

Relief flooded through her, and she dared a glance at him, catching he smallest smile on the corner of his mouth, like he was pleased for her asking, but didn't want to seem overenthusiastic.

"I'll just go shower and meet you back at H, okay?" he said.

Eel nodded, attempting a smile, but only achieving a mild cringe. "Yeah, okay," she confirmed.

"Alright. I'll see you in a bit."

"See you."

* * *

Squid found Eel in the same spot as the day before, wearing shorts instead of a jumpsuit and no shoes and sitting atop her cot Indian-style. Her elbows braced on her thighs, she glared down at something on the bed.

As Squid sat down, he realized she was looking at a photo. She glanced up at him, catching his gaze on the picture, and took a deep breath. "This is my family," she said, turning the photo around for him to see better. "My parents and my brothers."

Taking the photo between his fingers, Squid looked from the four figures faces to Eel's. The three siblings shared many similar features, he noticed – although he was sure she had inherited her father's grin rather than her mother's.

"That was my brother Tyler's graduation," she said. "Back in May, he got his Master's Degree in Robotic Engineering. I missed the ceremony. He hates me, too, but those are, for the most part, unrelated." She tapped the younger boy's face. "That's Cody. He's eleven. He actually likes me, I guess. Maybe not anymore, though." She frowned, for the first time, realizing that Cody would have written her if he could. She wondered if her parents were keeping him from contacting her, or if he actually had decided that he hated her too.

"Y'all look alike," Squid said. He recoiled from the glare she gave him. "I just meant that I can see the resemblance."

"We don't look anything alike," Eel said, her nose still scrunched. She snatched the photo back, pausing to stare at it for a few more moments. "They look nice." Her glare melted into something softer, something sadder and wishful. "They look like a perfect family without me. They look… happy."

Squid heard the confused question lingering beneath her words, the one she didn't dare voice.

 _They're happy without me. Were they unhappy when I was around?_

Squid shot her a sympathetic look, uncertain of how to comfort her. He didn't have much of a family anymore – Eel and Zig were all he really had. He wasn't sure if he preferred no family or a family that didn't want him.

With a sharp sniff, she stuffed the photo out of sight, underneath her pillow. "Doesn't matter anyway," she said, avoiding Squid's gaze. "If they don't want me around, I have no problem forgetting about them."

In the back of her head, it occurred to her that if she was determined to forget her family, she would throw out the picture. It was only a painful reminder that the people she loved didn't want her, but she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it. If Squid realized this too, he didn't bring it up.

Relinquishing the thought as quickly as it came, Eel picked up Barfbag's letter and examined the envelope. It was much thicker than the last. "I don't want to do this," Eel murmured, her eyes already stinging.

"I'm right here with you, E," Squid whispered, his words nothing more than a faint buzzing in Eel's ears.

"I'm so scared," she whispered, shutting her eyes tight against the tears. "I still can't believe it. Katie. I can't—it still doesn't feel real."

She felt his hand over hers, slowly drawing the envelope from her grasp. Her eyes fluttered open again, the slightest bit of moisture flicking from her eyelashes to her eyelids as she met Squid's warm brown gaze. It was hot – so hot and so dry that her mouth stuck to itself and sweat beaded along her hairline, but he was warm. Kind and sweet and warm, where the desert was harsh and cruel and scorching.

Squid was a different kind of heat that burned in a different way, and Lily loved that about him.

His lips moved, and his voice finally slipped through the cracks in her shattering disposition. "I can read it to you if you want," he said.

There was a moment's pause, and Eel felt he understood what she was thinking even if she didn't say anything.

He ripped the top of the envelope when she sat back, propped against her bedframe, her fingers tweaking at her bracelet. She closed her eyes again at the sound of his voice, rich and soothing, as he read her name at the top of the page.

* * *

heyeyeyeyey i'm dead inside but yoo waddup i finally managed to finish a friggen chapter. sorry ive been gone, i've been having problems. yaknow. work. school. gay kid drama. the norm. plz forgive m even tho i don't deserve it okay by love you nerds


	24. Chapter 24

" _Dear Lily_ ," Squid began. At the edge of his peripheral vision, she shoulders shrank down and her hair fell over her face. She said nothing, however, so Squid continued. " _I haven't gotten a letter from you, so I guess that means you're not going to write back. That's fine, I understand. I should never have hid anything from you, and I'm sure I'm the last person you want to be talking to, so I'll try to make this quick._

" _After Katie's funeral, I went to her house with her parents. They sat me down and gave me a couple of letters that were sealed and addressed to you, but had never left the house. Rita told me that they hadn't approved of her keeping in contact with you, so they tried to keep Katie out of your reach. They knew she was getting your letters, just because she got to the mail before they could, but when she would put a letter for you it was usually at night and one of them would go get it out before it could be taken by the post office._

 _"They said they were sorry. They thought they were doing the right thing, but they knew it was messed up. I opened them up and read a bit, but not everything. I figured you should have them, so they're enclosed as well._

" _I'm sorry for everything_ ," Lewis had written. He had also added in her real name, and Squid skipped over that for good measure. " _I don't know why I wanted to hide her from you. I guess I felt like you and Katie were closer than anyone, and I wanted be in your place, so I never told you. I guess knowing something you didn't know about her made me feel like I knew her best. When I found out she was in the hospital, maybe I was trying to convince myself that I was protecting you. But I wanted to be the one there for her when she woke up, and not you_.

" _In the end, I think I ended up hurting you more than I intended. I know I scared you with the rattlesnake. I remember the look on your face when you carried me to the lake. We've known each other almost all our lives and I don't think I've ever seen you terrified before, and maybe if I hadn't been neck deep into my idiotic plan, I might have told you everything_.

" _You have every right to be pissed at me, I know that. I lied to you and left you behind. I can't ever make up for any of it, but I'm begging you, please write me back. You're the only person I can talk to about her. We knew her better that anyone and I need you._

" _Lily, you pretend you're invincible, but I know this is killing you as much as it is me, and you need me too."_ Squid paused, taking in the blank look on Eel's face. " _Love, Lewis_."

Eel's hands twisted in her bedsheets, knuckles white and straining. She slowly raised her eyes from under her eyelashes, dark brown glazed over with tears and pinkening.

"How're you holding up?" Squid asked. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he wasn't sure what she'd do.

"I don't know," she murmured, slightly embarrassed by the huskiness to her voice, a sure sign she was getting emotional. She had known it would happen, and even if Squid was fine with seeing her cry, she wasn't. Reaching up, she dug her knuckles into her eyes before any tears could spill out.

"Look…" Squid said slowly. "I'm sure you didn't ask me to stay with you so you could get advice – Christ knows I'm useless at giving advice — but… I think you should write him back."

"I wouldn't know what to say, Squid," Eel replied, rubbing her hands down her face. Her pulse raced in her throat – the words she wanted to say, to Squid and to Lewis, were jumbling in her mouth and tying knots around her tongue. Her head was a mess of thoughts and confusion and anger that she couldn't sort out to make sense of.

"It's like he said, E, y'all knew her best. If anyone could understand you, it's him."

"It's not just that." Her voice pinched as her stomach clenched and twisted until she couldn't breathe. "None of this would have even happened if it weren't for me. If I hadn't gotten arrested, Katie would still be alive."

"Baby, this ain't your fault," Squid said, extending his arm to press his palm to Eel's cheek. "You can't blame yourself for this."

"But it is my fault. If I hadn't gotten arrested…" She trailed off for a moment, her lip beginning to tremble. "She wouldn't have gone to that party. She wouldn't have met Lewis and they wouldn't have started dating. He wouldn't have tried to steal for her and he wouldn't have gotten arrested either. She wouldn't have been alone. I would have been there to take care of her when she was driving home drunk – if that even would have happened." Eel ducked her face downward, tears finally managing to trickle over her cheeks. "It's my fault – because I was stupid and selfish. I should have been there to take care of her—"

"Lily," Squid cut across her spiel, his gaze intense on her, piercing through her. "This isn't your fault. It isn't. Because maybe your right. Maybe if you hadn't been arrested, it wouldn't have happened. Or maybe, instead, somehow, she would still meet Lewis and they'd start dating. Maybe you and her would drift apart when she started spending all her time with him, and everything after that would still happen. Or maybe, you'd get a job and not have all the free time you used to have, and she would go to a party without you, and it would still happen."

Eel wheezed, her lungs constricting sharply. "Why are you saying all this?"

"You know why," Squid said. "People die and there's nothing we can do about it, E." He swept across the cot, letters flying into the floor, and folded himself around Eel. "I'm not trying to hurt you when I say that." He gripped her tight, his forehead leaned against her temple.

"I used to think it was my fault my dad left," he continued. "I thought, maybe I was just a bad kid, and maybe I could have done more to make him want to come home."

"You were just a kid," Eel murmured.

"Yeah. I was," Squid said. "And I still am. And so are you. I'll never figure out why my dad left, and I'll never figure out why my mom hates me so much she has to drink herself blind just to look at me. You'll never know if Katie would have died no matter what, or if things could have been different."

"I don't know what to do know, Squid."

"Now? Well, now you just get better." Squid rubbed a hand up and down Eel's back. "I know that we're kind of in the worst place you could possibly be right now, but you've got me and Ziggy right beside you. We can take care of you."

Eel looked unsure of what to say, and Squid glanced around, realizing the remainder of Barfbag's letters were scattered on the floor.

"Did you want me to keep reading?" he asked.

"No," Eel said. "Lewis said he sent some stuff from Katie and… well, I think that stuff is just for me. I think I need to keep that to myself." She wasn't sure if that would offend him. She didn't want to keep things from Squid, but she wasn't sure she could share Katie with him. Not yet.

"Alright," Squid said. "Do you want me to give you some privacy?"

"You can stay. I don't really… I don't know if I can stand to be alone right now." Eel pulled herself out of his grip, reaching to the floor for the other letters. They were out of order now, and no date to distinguish which came into being first. It didn't matter much now, though.

The first one in line of the restacked pages was written in purple ink. Katie's favorite color.

 _"Lily,_

 _"I still haven't sent the first letter I wrote you. I don't really know why. So that really makes the odds of this one being sent very slim. I'm still pretty pissed off at you, and I want you to get that, but I think if I just start writing you back, you won't understand just how pissed I am. Does that make sense? Probably not. Oh well._

 _"So I'm intrigued by this Squid guy you say you can't stand… A memory stirs deep in my brain of some Okie dude that was visiting family… Oh right. Turner. We hung out with him and his sister for an entire summer. Remember him?_

 _"Do you also remember how you and Turner literally never stopped arguing over stupid shit? You guys were constantly at each other's throats and it drove me and Tori nuts. But then when they had to go back home, you actually told me you didn't want them to leave. Because you liked him. And he absolutely liked you because he bought you a milkshake that last day he was here and you totally blushed over it._

 _"My point is, I suppose, that you are adamantly snarky when you like someone because you just want to hate them, but you can't because you're a giant doofus with girly feelings. I guess the exception to that is Johnny, but he's a dumbass so he couldn't keep up with your weird arguing-just-for-the-sake-of-arguing thing. Plus you and Johnny were wrong on so many levels so it doesn't count anyway._

 _"So, yeah, I don't really believe you for one second that you hate this Squid guy because he's 'stuck up and annoying' because that's just Lily-code for 'I don't know how to flirt and he makes me blush a lot'._

 _"So good luck with that, because Lord knows you don't know how to handle any type of romantic attention._

 _"Also, I'm curious about this new bff of yours, Sophia. Okay, so I'm sure it's just a coincidence and it's not the same Sophia, but like my cousin that goes to Merkel knew some girl named Sophia and she like got arrested because she was selling drugs to band kids at a band camp when the drum majors were doing some kind of exposition. She was dating one of the color guard girls Chelsea or something, and that's why she was there, but apparently, she's bad news. So, like, just be careful._

Eel had heard that name once before, and it hadn't been from Sophia. She hoped Katie was right, that it was just a coincidence, but something uncomfortable stirred in her stomach. Before she could think anything more it, however, she caught a few words from the next paragraph and dove right back in.

 _"Some other quick updates: Johnny knocked up Nikki, Melina dropped out of school and might have eloped with some guy from Tyler (I'm not sure about that second bit, it's just a rumor), and I am still dating that Lewis dude for some reason."_

Eel blinked, unsure which part of that sentence to react to first. Johnny, poster boy for the local Catholic church, a father-to-be? And Melina, the salutatorian of their class, had dropped out (and possibly was married)? Surely her friends' lives weren't so dependent on her presence.

 _"I think you were everyone's impulse control, so thanks for that."_

"How is that my fault?" Eel hissed under her breath, but in the back of her head, she was starting to understand what Squid meant. If she had been there, what's to say anything would be different. Melina ran her own damn show, never asking for permission, just forgiveness. And Johnny… well, there was no telling what would have happened if she was still there. Nikki had always been a few pews away from Eel and Johnny during the Sunday morning service. Maybe Eel would have ended up being the one knocked up.

The letter ended abruptly there. Lily turned the page over to see if there was anything on the other side, but it was blank.

"Everything okay?" Squid asked.

Eel blinked in surprise, having forgotten he was still there. "Yeah, I just… One perk of being in juvenile hall, I guess, is that you miss a lot of high school drama."

"Hah, yeah. Never thought of it that way."

"Out of my friends, one is going to be a dad, and the other dropped out and possibly eloped."

"Oh," Squid said. "I thought your friends were the nerds."

"They were," Eel said, shooting him an unimpressed scowl. She flipped to the next letter and kept reading, blocking out Squid's snicker.

 _"Dear Lily,_

 _"It's been over a month since you left, and you're just now writing to me? I see how it is. Guess you're too busy hanging out with delinquents and digging to talk to me. I shouldn't even send this. I should just leave you to silence like you did me._

 _"Anyway, so I actually have something to tell you. Elena Fisher threw this party and I went with Melina. We brought Johnny along, but we pretty much had to drag him kicking and screaming. He was pretty intent on staying home and moping over you._

 _"I guess I had to be persuaded pretty hard too, though. I really hated it. Everyone was just so fake and acting stupid. I kept thinking about what you'd say if you were there and I got too emotional to really be apart of it, so I just hid myself in the bathroom._

 _"That guy Lewis that was in art with us last year and in physics with you barged in with a bloody nose and saw me and ended up staying with me the rest of the night (we had to lock the door eventually because people kept coming in to pee. I have no idea if there was another bathroom in the house, but I think everyone made do). He talked to me for hours, at first in some weird nasally voice because he had to pinch his nose to stop the bleeding. But he was really sweet and funny, and I enjoyed it._

 _"It's crazy. I hardly noticed him for two years and then it's like I saw him in a different light and he was so different that what I imagined. He's so much nicer than the guys in Robotics and Beta Club. Not all stuck up because he's a genius or whatever. He's the kind of genuine person that you are, and I really love spending time with him. We've been dating for about a week now and it's pretty awesome. Once you get out of hell, you should hang out with us. I think you'd approve of Lewis._

 _"Speaking of boys, Johnny has absolutely lost his fucking mind. Like a couple days after the party, he started going out with Nikki. He ditched a whole week of Robotics to hang out with her. I like Nikki and all, but I can't stand that he thinks she's an acceptable excuse to skip out._

 _"Honestly, you're better off without him. He's clearly got some issues, and he didn't even like you that much if he couldn't wait a month before finding a new girl. Also his face is kind of weird so I don't think y'all would be cute together anyway, you're too pretty for him._

Truly, Eel hadn't thought of Johnny in a long time. It felt like a lifetime since she had last seen him – an in a way it had been – but she had no interest in seeing him again anyway. Especially since she had accidentally spoiled his ending for herself.

Glancing across the bed to Squid, who was lounged across it, his arm thrown under his head and his eyes shut against the light that somehow penetrated the dark canvas tents.

There would be no point in returning to that page. Not when she had Squid, who brought a warmth into her chest with his lopsided smiles and mischievous eyes. Not when Johnny had a child on the way. No, that book had ended.

She couldn't return to a romance like that – with sitting together in church as their closest interaction. She had never known Johnny's feelings for her because he would never dare make her uncomfortable for one moment. While a nice gesture, she supposed, what was the point of loving someone that would never tell you?

And maybe that's why she did love Squid. Because he knew what he wanted, and he asked for it. There was never uncertainty in where his feelings lay.

 _"I would ask if there are any cute guys at Camp Green Lake, but I feel like your odds aren't so great. But who knows? Maybe you'll find a nice pyromaniac boyfriend that's as crazy as you and when you get back you can go on double dates with me and Lewis._

 _"I think that's about all I have to say, so I guess I'll end it here. Have fun with all that digging._

 _"Love you,_

 _"Katie"_

She ran her finger over the next page, which had several round water stains at the bottom, presumably from tears.

" _Lily_ ,"

It still felt weird to see her real name. It didn't feel like that was a person that represented her anymore. But then, she didn't feel like Eel did either. She could still respond to it – she had to, since the counselors still called the campers by name, but it didn't strike any familiar sense of recognition. She saw the name like a word said too many times in a row. It seemed fake. She knew what it was and that it meant her, but it was distorted and had no impact.

" _Lewis got arrested. I don't know why, but his mom called last night to say that Officer Davis had him in custody. I don't know what's going to happen to him and I'm so fucking scared, Lils. I love him and I don't want him to leave me like you did. I can't lose two people like this._

 _"I keep wondering where my parents went wrong in raising me. How did I end up caring about people that just leave? Not just you and Lewis, but Johnny and Melina. I'm all alone now. Maybe I should do something fucking insane and get arrested so I can go to the same place as you._

 _"My mom's calling me so I have to stop this here. I love you and miss you._

 _"Love,_

 _"Katie."_

The bottom corner of the page was stained brown. Eel didn't know that she wanted to know what from. That was the last letter. The last thing Katie had said to her. All she had left of her.

And it broke her heart.

* * *

 **hi there. been a while. my apologies for my absence and lack of updates. you would not believe how my life turned into a complete shithole since my last update, and i really just had to take time to get my whole life back together. i'm not completely there yet, so updates will still probably be slow and i'm sorry for that**

 **i just want to say thanks to everyone who is still reading and discovering this fic. it means a lot to me. lily's story is an important one to me, and i'm still learning thing from her. i feel so blessed that anyone even likes it. without the reviews that have continuously built up, i might never have gotten back into writing this fic.**

 **keep an eye out, because i've got a lot more coming and i want yall to finish this journey that has been building up slowly since 2016 along side me.**


	25. Chapter 25

Eel didn't cry over Katie's letters.

She just couldn't, as much as she wanted to collapse and break down all over again, and she didn't know why. Finishing Katie's final letter was a shot through the heart that Eel hadn't realized she couldn't take. It was destroying her to know how much Katie had been hurting in the weeks leading to her death, but Eel hadn't done anything – she couldn't have done anything.

Her eyes and nose stung, but the tears never came. There was just no point in crying anymore. It was over.

Her life was over.

In October, she would be released from the Abilene police station to no one. She would walk into the autumn chill with nothing but a few t-shirts and shorts. Abilene was about an hour away from her home, with nothing much in-between, and she had no hopes of going back. She'd be left stranded in a small city knowing no one and having nothing – no home, no friends, no family, and no money. She wouldn't have to go back to school or do anything with her life.

It wouldn't take long… It was a horrifying thought, but she had to face the cruel truth. She had grown up a sheltered, privileged school girl. She didn't know how to survive on her own. So, she wouldn't survive.

Tossing the letters aside, Eel found her way into Squid's arms. Tucking herself between his legs, she held him around the middle and buried her face into his neck. His hands rubbed against her back, soothing away the sobs that never came.

"What're you thinkin', baby?" he asked, his voice a quiet murmur at her ear.

"I'm so scared, Squid," she whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut as she took a shuddering breath. "I don't know what's going to happen to me when I get out of here."

"Well, that's easy," Squid said matter-of-factly.

"No, you're right, it is," Eel admitted, pulling back to look at him. "I know I won't even make it through the winter."

Squid looked like he wanted to roll his eyes, but he refrained. "That's a little overdramatic, E."

"It's not though," Eel disagreed. "My parents kicked me out. I have no where to go and nothing to my name."

"You've got a handful of change from laundry duty," Squid said.

Eel didn't want to get angry at him, but he was making it pretty difficult. Frustration built in her throat as she took a deep breath. "Squid—"

"And you've got me, baby," he continued, clasping his hands at the small of Eel's back. She tried to speak again but he shook his head. "You're gonna be released back to Abilene, right?"

"Yeah. I'm not from Abilene though."

"But I am. And I won't leave you by yourself."

"Squid…"

"No, listen," he said. "I went to Wylie and I grew up in Abilene. I'll get released at the same station as you." He nearly smirked at her baffled expression but settled on cupping her cheek with his palm. "Look, I get out two months before you. I know who to go to and I'll find a place to stay. Then I'll come get you on October 17, and you can come live with me."

"Squid, that's so impractical," Eel groaned, leaning her head against his chest. His deep laughter shook her, and she couldn't refrain from smiling weakly.

"I don't care," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple. "We're gonna figure it out, E. We always do."

She knew she shouldn't romanticize their probable homelessness, but it was so hard not to when he fixed her with that crooked grin of his. "Promise?" she asked.

"I want to give you something," Squid said, releasing her to reach for his pocket.

Eel raised an eyebrow as he extracted a small toy from his pocket. It was an octopus, purple plastic molded into a child's toy with a round head and tentacles. There was a short chain at the head with a silver keyring, which Squid had slid onto his finger. The face decals had longs since rubbed away, leaving blank imprints where the eyes should have been.

He held it between them, an unreadable expression on his face. The tilt of his eyebrows gave away more than he would have preferred.

Eel understood, her lips forming a small 'o' of surprise. "That's your lifeline." It occurred to her that she had never known how he had been nicknamed, but the octopus gave her a clue.

Lifelines were something every camper had – an unintentional trend and tradition that had formed for the teens. They were bits and pieces of things from their lives before Camp Green Lak, something to remind them of what was waiting for them past the vast stretch of desert. They were the only things that really belonged to the inmates, and it was an unwritten rule that nobody could cut another inmate's lifeline.

Lifelines could be anything. Zigzag had a television guide that he had shown her once. At the back of her cubby, Sophia kept a plastic trinket removed from a homecoming mum hidden beneath a pair of socks. Eel had one. She had hers with her always but had never gone out of her way to show anyone.

"My mom bought it for me when I was a kid," Squid explained. "Back before she started drinking. I don't really remember her giving it to me, but I know I've always had it." He trailed a finger across a seam in the plastic, staring thoughtfully at the octopus. "I'm taking back what I said yesterday," he continued. "I said I had nothing left, but that's wrong. I've still got you, and, with us, that may as well be everything. You're my lifeline, E, and I'll hold onto you as tight as I can." He hesitated, holding his hand out to her. She extended her arm. "And this is my promise to you. When you get out, I'm gonna come for you. I'll always come for you." He pressed the octopus in her open palm. "I promise, Eel, I will find you and we're gonna be okay." He closed her hand around the octopus and lifted her hand to his lips, giving a brief kiss to her knuckles.

"Squid…" Eel didn't know what to say, words failing her as she opened and closed her mouth without speaking. Her gaze dipped down to their hands, clasped in her lap, and to her wrist.

Hardly knowing what compelled her to do so, she flipped her hand over and unbuttoned her bracelet.

Squid had seen the bracelet before, but not up close. As she held it in front of him, he inspected the interweaving pattern of red, blue, and green that almost looked like wires (and maybe that was the point). The cotton was tinted slightly brown from all the dirt that couldn't wash out completely.

"Katie made this for me," she told him. "Last summer at bible camp." She glanced up and grimaced at the look on Squid's face. "Oh, shut up. Let me see your hand."

Still fighting the humor of Eel attending a bible camp, he complied. She set the octopus on the cot next to her knee and wrapped the bracelet around his wrist, securing the ends around the plastic button.

She stared at him through the orange light of the dim lamps. She could feel a blush creeping up her face as she set her hand over his. Her heart felt like it might explode right out of her chest.

"I love you," she whispered, and she meant it.

Her life was a nightmare. A dull reality backed by one traumatizing event after another. Camp Green Lake was hell on earth, and the counselors abusive, even if only emotionally. Every day there was an everlasting struggle to push through the hours of digging and the bullshit.

But, through all of it, she had found Squid. As rough as the pair had started out, with Sophia monitoring their friendship and attempting to wreck any bond they formed, they had made it through the worst of trials. Now they were together, promising each other a life after Green Lake. A life together. A life without digging and shitty counselors. A life where Sophia would be a faded spot in their past and Green Lake couldn't torment them anymore.

"I know," Squid said, grinning. "I love you, too."

Her hand found his cheek, her fingertips trailing from his jawline to his cheekbone. She traced his lower lip with her thumb, gnawing on her own mouth to keep from doing something stupid.

"I've never kissed anyone before," she said, her gaze transfixed onto his lips. God, she wanted to kiss him so bad, but she really didn't want to make a fool of herself.

"I don't care," Squid said, his hands sliding across her back, pulling her closer. One of his hands ascended to her hair, where his fingers intertwined with the dark curls at the nape of her neck.

Eel's eyes fluttered shut as his nose brushed over hers. His breath was warm against her mouth. "Squid," she murmured, her chest expanding as she took a deep breath, pressing into his.

The dinner bell rang across the compound, startling her away from Squid. Her eyes shot open, flooding her vision with orange. The bell died out seconds later, leaving behind the silence of frustration.

"Saved by the bell," Squid said, dropping his hands from her body. "I guess we should go or we'll be late."

Eel blinked in surprise. Since when did he care about arriving to dinner on time? Hell, dinner wasn't even really a requirement, much less a timed one. And as he avoided her eye, waiting for her to remove herself from his lap, she realized that it was just what he expected her to say.

And maybe she had been avoiding becoming too intimate with him. She had for a while been scared to get close, out of fear of judgement, or rejection, or, even worse, losing him. But she wasn't now.

"I don't care," she said.

Her brother had always hated how impulsive she was, but, sometimes, maybe it helped her more than she gave it credit for.

Octopus clutched in her hand, she wound her arm around the back of his neck and pulled the gap between them closed.

Having never kissed anyone before – not like this at least – Eel surprised herself with the instinctual response that kicked into gear when her mouth touched Squid's. He came alive against her as well, his hands moving to cup her face, as he drank in the taste of her lips.

Heat circled in her stomach as she fell in sync with him, euphoria clouding her senses and she clung to him, almost terrified of it going away. For the first time in weeks, something akin to energy stirred in her, lighting her from her core to her skin as her hair raised on its ends.

Too caught up in the feeling of Squid's hand sliding beneath her shirt, she nearly had to remind herself to breath. She pulled away just enough to take a quick gasp for air, her nose not pulling enough for her needy lungs, and Squid startled her as they melded back together by flicking against the inside of her bottom lip.

She made noise of surprise against his mouth, quickly followed by a hushed moan as he urged her lips apart. The tip of his tongue stroked the underside of hers, sending a shudder quaking down her spine.

Still unable to keep up with her breathing, Eel pulled away, her heart thrumming violently against her sternum. She breathed in shallow pants, vaguely aware of how constricting her clothes suddenly felt.

"Not bad, E," Squid said, grinning, his lips red and glistening. "Are you sure you've never kissed anyone before?"

Eel scowled, scrambling away from him to grab her jumpsuit. "Oh, shut up," she said, a harsh blush appearing on her cheeks. "Let's go eat before people start noticing we're missing." She tucked the octopus into her pocket and swept the loose letters under her sheets.

"Hey, I'm serious," he said, stretching his arms over his head as he stood. "Pretty impressive for a first timer." He recoiled when she fixed him with a glare. "What?"

"Look, I ain't exactly eager to hear about how much more experience you have with this than me," Eel said, tying the arms of her jumpsuit around her waist. It was a truth she had to face, but she really couldn't stand the thought of him with other girls before her.

He caught on, apparently, judging by the smug expression that spread across his face. "Aw, c'mon, baby girl, don't tell me you're gettin' jealous of my exes," he teased.

Eel shoved her hands into her pockets, repressing the urge to strangle that shit-eating grin right off his face. "Actually, I admire them for findin' a way to get rid of you," she said.

Squid snickered, ducking down to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her heart gave a jolt and her irritation melted away.

"They never loved me enough to make me stay," he said. Taking her face into his hands, he caught her in a slow, tantalizing kiss.

"Oh, my God," came a voice from the entrance of the tent.

They broke apart, heads swiveling to stare at the intruder who had caught them. Eel felt her heart racing again, but from panic rather than excitement. She fleetingly felt the need to wither into dust to avoid the wrath of Gill's furious glare.

But as she stared back at Catwoman's Cheshire grin, her alarm faded. She had nothing to be scared of now – Gill was gone. She was their leader, and she could kiss anyone she damn well pleased.

Eel quickly muted the surprised look on her face into something more neutral as Catwoman glanced back and forth between her and Squid. "Sorry for interrupting," she said, her eyebrows lifting suggestively. "The girls and I were just wondering if you were coming to dinner."

Eel cleared her throat. "Uh, yeah, I'll be there in a bit," she said. "Go on ahead, we'll… catch up." She shot Squid a grimace for her lack of a good response.

"Yeah, I'm sure y'all will," Catwoman said, still grinning. She retreated from the tent, shaking her head as she muttered, "About fucking time…"

"Well, we had maybe two minutes of secrecy," Eel said as she slipped on her shoes.

"Did you want us to be a secret?" Squid asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Eel frowned and glanced over to him, seeing his confusion and the slightest hint of hurt. "No, not at all," she said, reaching out to slide her fingers in-between his. "I'm just kind of sick of people always talking about me is all. I hate walking into rooms and hearing people shushing each other as they stare at me."

"Well, we'll be news of the century, darlin'," Squid said, kissing the back of her hand as they left the tent. "Not like there's anything better to talk about when there's only eighty people in a hundred mile radius."

They joined the last throng of inmates at the cafeteria line, but X-Ray waved for them to get in line behind him. Eel shot Caveman a smirk as he curiously eyed their linked hands. Even the most reserved camper couldn't resist a little bit of gossip, Eel supposed.

"Hold off on the questions, Yelnats," she whispered just as Zigzag wedged himself between Caveman and herself, grabbing the tray that the cafeteria staff member had been holding out to Stanley. "What are you, twelve, Ziggy?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

He ignored her, staring past her to Squid. Eel looked around in time to see Squid leaning across a pot of chili to get a closer look at Mr. Sir's face – the right side was so red and swollen that Mr. Sir's eye didn't open all the way, no doubt a result of the two scratch marks across his cheek. Squid was saying something to Mr. Sir before Eel could stop him.

"Whoa, what happened to your face?"

Mr. Sir froze, the ladle in his hand almost to his mouth, his beady eyes zeroing in on Squid. Before anyone could react, he dropped the ladle and swiped out, catching Squid by the collar of his shirt. Eel shot forward to defend him, but Zigzag was quick to hook an arm around her to hold her back.

"Something the matter with my face?" Mr. Sir demanded, flecks of spit flying out and hitting Squid on the face. He gave Squid a rough shake. "Huh?"

Squid should his head frantically. "No – no, Mr. Sir," he said, his voice hiking up with panic.

"You got that right," Mr. Sir growled, throwing Squid back with all the force he could muster.

Squid stumbled back before sprawling across the floor, the back of his head slamming into the leg of a table. As Mr. Sir rounded the food counter, the Mess Hall quieted.

"Anybody see anything with my face?" Mr. Sir asked the inmates, a one-eyed warning glare sweeping around the room. "I think I'm kinda purdy, don't you?"

"Yes, Mr. Sir," came the scattered chants of the inmates. Most were avoiding eye-contact, staring at their tables, the floor, anything.

Mr. Sir turned on the heel of his boot, his narrowed eye landing on Eel. He took a slit second to regard Zigzag holding her back and the furious look on her face. "What about you, Miss Lily Anne? Anything wrong with my face?"

She knew he was just doing it to get under her skin, but he was doing a pretty good job of it. He could toss around his weight and abuse the inmates, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. But, despite being absolutely terrified of Mr. Sir, she wanted nothing more than to rip him limb from limb.

"No, Mr. Sir," she said through a clenched jaw.

"That's right," he said, a nasty smirk creeping up on his mouth. He glanced down at Squid, who was staring at Eel's legs, his arm wrapped around back of his head. Mr. Sir marched towards the Mess Hall door, sending a kick into Squid's calf as he passed. While Mr. Sir started throwing furniture in the next room, the entirety of the camp watched on in silence.

Abandoning her tray at the line, Eel pushed Zigzag away and crouched next to Squid. "Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring Pendanski as he stood up to speak to the Mess Hall audience. She didn't hear a word he said, completely focused on Squid, but she was sure he was spewing his normal life-lesson-esque bullshit.

He stared at her, his hand gripping the leg of the table so hard his knuckles turned white. He looked as if he might start hyperventilating any moment.

Eel eased his hand from the table while stroking hair away from his forehead. "C'mon, let's get you off the floor," she said. She tugged on his elbow, coaxing him to his feet. "I gotcha, baby." Holding him around the waist, she supported his weight as she led him to D-Tent's table.

"You alright, Squiddy?" X-Ray asked, reaching over the table to punch Squid on the shoulder, but Eel hissed in anger and blocked his hand.

"Don't touch him," she seethed. The other boys had just watched Mr. Sir flip out and their response was just to roughhouse as normal? Fucking idiots.

"It's fine," Squid said gruffly to Eel. He collapsed onto the bench, setting his head into his hands. "Just go to your table, E."

"Don't worry, we'll look after him," Armpit said.

The statement, in fact, only worried Eel more. She hesitated, biting her lip as she glanced across the Mess Hall. H-Tent was watching her, waiting for her to come back to the table. Catwoman caught her eye, winking at her so fast Eel wasn't sure it had really happened. She looked back down at Squid, who ran a hand through his hair, cupping his palm over the lump forming on his head.

"Okay, no, absolutely not," she said, swinging a leg over the bench, facing Squid. "I wouldn't leave him alone with you morons if he had a papercut. Here, Squid, let me see where you hit your head." She ignored the stares she was receiving from practically the entire camp.

Squid glanced across the table to X-Ray, who eyed Eel for a moment before shrugging. Eel's face soured. So, she had to have permission to touch him now? Maybe everyone else at Green Lake was scared of X, but she wasn't – she had literally just been making out with his right-hand man after all.

"Any day now, sweetheart," she drawled, raising an eyebrow. "Good thing you're not bleeding or you would have bled out by now."

Squid rolled his eyes, but turned his back to her, slowly removing his hand. Eel leaned forward, reaching up to place her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. She'd had her fair share of concussions from sports, so she knew what to expect. She doubted Squid was a stranger to them, as well.

She gently felt around the bump with the tip of her finger, trying to estimate the size of it. "Does your head still hurt, or does it only hurt when I touch it?" she asked.

"It's throbbing a little bit, but it's mostly gone, he said.

Zigzag came up to the table with a dinner tray in each hand. He slid one across the table to Eel. "That's yours. Is he bleeding?"

"No," Eel said, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "How are you feeling, Squid? Are you dizzy?"

"No," he said.

"Feeling sick? Is your vision blurry?"

"God, no," he snapped, shooting an irritated glare over his shoulder. "I'm fucking fine, Eel."

Eel glared right back, her hand still resting on his neck. She knew he was just trying to act like a dick because X-Ray was watching them, but she didn't give a shit who was around – she wasn't going to tolerate him being an ass to her.

Her hand jumped up to the bump on his head and she dug the pad of her thumb into the height of it. "Does that hurt, asshole?"

"Fucking Christ." He ducked out of her reach, clapping his hands back over his head. "What the hell, E?"

"Sorry I'm trying to help you," she said, scowling as she reached for her tray. "I'll just go find someone else to bother, since I'm annoying you so much." She made a move to get up, but Squid grabbed onto her shirt before she could lift her leg around the bench.

"Hey, wait, no," he mumbled, his expression softening as he pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it."

She bit back a snarky reply, her eyes rolling so hard Squid thought her irises might just disappear behind her eyelids. "Fine," she grumbled. "But if you're gonna be a dick, I'll kick your ass."

"Yes, ma'am." He nuzzled his nose against her temple, pressing a light kiss to her cheekbone.

Eel detangled herself from him, turning to her tray. She slid it towards him slightly – his own food was currently being cleaned up by a cafeteria staff member. "Here, eat something," she said, motioning towards her bread.

"Aw, baby, you're so good to me," he teased, pinching her thigh playfully.

Expect for Zigzag, the rest of D-Tent seemed to break out of their trance, tearing their stares from the couple and glancing amongst each other.

"Wait, hold up," Armpit interjected, leaning forward at the table to meet Eel's gaze. "Are y'all actually together now? Like, together together?"

Squid slanted a smirk in Eel's direction. She raised an eyebrow expectantly at him. They hadn't put a label on whatever their relationship was, but Eel wouldn't mind anything official. She knew he could tell what she was thinking. She pursed her lips, wondering when they had broken the non-verbal barrier.

"Yep," Squid confirmed, setting his hands on the table and sliding his fingers between hers. "I got me a psycho girlfriend now."

Eel hid her smile behind her water cut, her chest fluttering at the smile he was giving her. She met Zigzag's eye, who merely snorted.

His gaze flicked down to Squid's drawn-up sleeve, where Eel's bracelet was tied around his wrist. Why anyone had to ask was beyond him – they were painfully obvious. He had expected as much when they had disappeared from Rec time the last few days, anyway, and the bracelet just confirmed his suspicions.

"About damn time," X-Ray muttered, elbowing Armpit, who snickered in agreement.

* * *

 **welcome back guys. i'm so glad i got this chapter finished with editing literally in the nick of time before i had to start getting ready for work.**

 **i really hope you guys enjoy this chapter - it's super long was pretty much one of the hardest chapters to figure out. I have so much more in store for Squid and Eel and I hope you guys are still interested enough to keep an eye out for the next chapters.**

 **thank you again for sticking with this for two years now. please leave a review to let me know what you thought. i love yall, xxpkc**


	26. Chapter 26

_Dear Lily,_

 _I have sat for so long in silence just wondering what I could possibly say to you. You of all people know I am rarely ever at a loss for words, and so you must know how difficult it is for me to write this, especially after just staring at a blank page for nearly an hour._

 _First, I wish to express my deepest condolences for the loss of your friend, Katie. I did attend the funeral with mom, dad, and Cody. While the service was beautiful, it was heart wrenching to see an entire town come together for the loss of someone so young. Many of the photos on display were of the both of you, and it wasn't easy for me to see two young girls so vibrant and happy, unknowing of how drastically their lives would be altered_

 _I visited with Lewis shortly after the funeral and he explained how he had attended Camp Green Lake with you. He let me know that he has tried to contact you. I hope I'm not overstepping when I say that I think you should write him back. The pair of you were very close to Katie, and if you are hurting, you could benefit greatly from each other's support._

 _Katie's dead has had me thinking about our relationship, baby sister, in the sense that we don't really have one. When you were growing up, I was never there for you, and, as of late, I have regretted it. As your older brother, it's my job to be your unconditional best friend, and I have completely failed at that._

 _I want to apologize for my previous letter. A lot of my anger was focused on the fact that you could not attend my graduation, and I think in letting that anger control me, I became blind as to why I was truly angry. I spent so much time blaming you for being selfish, but I was really just angry with myself. It's my fault that we were never close. I was the selfish one._

 _You probably think I hate you, but that's wrong. It doesn't matter to me what you do. You are my baby sister and I will always love you, Lily. When you get out of Camp Green Lake, I'd really like for us to become closer. Our lives are too fragile and fleeting to keep this up. I don't want to wake up one day and you or Cody are gone, and I can't tell either of you how incredibly proud I am to be your big brother._

 _Cody and I have been working diligently on Mom and Dad to let you come home. We try every day to get them to see reason, but they aren't giving in so far. Hopefully, we'll get luck in the next few months. Maybe if you tried to write them, they would be a little more open-minded about it._

 _How are you doing at Green Lake? Until I did some research on the place, I didn't even realize it was a desert. A desert seems very strange for that region, but I suppose Texas will be Texas. They ought to change the name, because it's misleading._

 _There is not much information about it online, but I have gathered that it is a work camp. But what could a bunch of juveniles possibly be working on out in the middle of nowhere. What do you and the other inmates do all day?_

 _Do I dare ask if you have made friends at this camp? Are the other kids there dangerous?_

 _Even if you are still angry with me, please write me back. I need to know you're okay and doing well._

 _Love,_

 _Tyler_

Pursing her lips, Eel shoved the letter back into the envelope and hid it back in her bag. She tucked everything back into her cubby before sprawling across her cot, waiting for lights out.

She stared at the ceiling, still mulling over Tyler's letter. He had never told her that he loved her before – not that she could remember. She remembered Cody telling her the day she had left home, and she had hugged him close and repeated it, but she was positive that she and Tyler had never said it. They had spent most of their childhood either fighting or ignoring each other – why would they say it.

As much as she wanted to resist Tyler out of stubbornness, she found that she really didn't want to be in this fight with him anymore. She and Cody had always looked up to their big brother, as uninterested as he had been with them. He had been so smart and loved by peers that it was hard not admire him. He excelled at everything he did, and they wanted to be just like him.

But he had never cared for them. Eel had been too different from him, and Cody too much like Eel. Eel had spent years of her life trying to get his attention and impress him. When she found her place on the Robotics Team, she had been sure he would come to see the good in her. She had long given up on trying to be as good and smart as him, but she still had hope that she could make him proud.

Instead, he had responded to her enthusiasm with indifference and irritation, snuffing out her excitement with an expression as icy as the Christmas snow building outside. In heartbreak and a little bit of defiance, she nullified her expectations of him and became equally as cold.

Him being the first to break the wall they had built up over seventeen years spoke volumes to Eel. He was right, as always (although it wasn't necessary for him to sound so pretentious). It took only an instant for someone to blink out of existence, and she didn't want to be on bad terms if it happened with either of them. Especially considering the likelihood of her demise after Camp Green Lake.

Eel lost track of the time she spent with her eyes fixed on the moon through the canvas ceiling after the lights went out. No matter how many times she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to force herself to fall asleep, her body wouldn't let her.

She lay in the darkness, listening to the breathing of her sleeping tentmates. She never struggled to fall asleep, but there was too much going on in head. How was she supposed to stay sane with everything that her chaotic life was throwing at her?

With a sigh, Eel threw back the covers and got out of her cot. She snagged the things she would need in the morning and crept past the girls, out of the tent. She kept an eye out for any wandering counselors as she snuck the front of the tent grid and slipped into D-Tent.

Even with her limited vision, she found Squid's cot fine. She knelt next to his bed, silently settling her stuff onto the floor under his cot. He looked pretty cute while sleeping, Eel realized with a small smile. Bits of his hair stuck up at the side of his head and his pillow obscured half of his face, but his expression was calmer than Eel had ever seen.

"Is that you, Eel?"

She jumped, stifling a swear with both hands. Whirling around, she saw Caveman squinting at her in the darkness, lifting his hand to reassure her. He flopped his head back down when she removed her hands from her face, squishing his brown curls into his pillow.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he whispered, his eyes half-closed already.

"Did I wake you?" Eel asked.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I'm a light sleeper."

Eel nodded, leaning back on her heels as he watched her. Once again, she found herself wondering how the hell Caveman had ended up here. He was a genuinely nice guy and seemed too harmless for anything dangerous.

"I'm glad you and Squid are together," he said. He yawned. "I hear him crying in the middle of the night sometimes."

"I know," she murmured. Since they had slept together in the Wreck Room, she hadn't seen many more mornings where he still had the redness in his eyes or the dried tear trails on his face. She still worried but could never bring herself to ask if he still cried some nights when he caught her with that sweet smile of his. She never wanted to be the one to turn it into a frown.

"I think it's good that he has you. Not all of us are lucky enough to have someone here."

She gave him a sad smile through the shadows. "I count my lucky stars every day that Squid loves me," she whispered. "Go to sleep, Stanley." She mimicked the way Squid had said his name when he first came to camp, a giggle riding against the last syllable so he'd know she was joking. She was pretty sure he wasn't the kind of guy that liked being called by a crappy nickname anyway.

Caveman huffed out a short laugh and rolled over in his cot.

Eel turned back to Squid, reaching out to touch her fingertips to his cheek. He stirred, a small groan escaping his throat. His eyes fluttered open and he blinked blearily at her for a few seconds.

"Hi. What're you doing, baby girl?" he asked, his voice graveled with sleep.

"I can't sleep," Eel whispered, stroking the hair out of his eyes. "Mind if I keep you company?"

"C'mere, baby," he mumbled, scooting to make room for her.

She slid under the sheets, settling onto her side. The cot was too small for them to lay flat, but Squid didn't mind. He curled at arm around her waist, pulling her against his chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his nose nuzzling against her forehead.

"I'm fine," she said. She tilted her face towards him and gave his chin a light peck. "I just read Tyler's letter earlier… And it's just a lot to take in. I guess I started thinking so much I couldn't sleep, and then I didn't want to be on my own."

"What did he say?"

Eel hesitated, wondering if Caveman was still awake and if he was listening. "I'll tell you tomorrow," she said. "Just go to sleep, baby."

Squid hummed, his hand gliding up her back and over her throat. He cupped her jaw, pushing her chin up and pressing a kiss to her mouth. He sighed in content as his tongue brushed against hers.

He broke the kiss first, wrapping her up in his arms. She tucked her head against his neck, her arms folded against her chest, breathing in the musk of his bar soap.

"Love you," he mumbled, quickly overtaken by sleep.

"Love you, too."

* * *

The alarm rang through Squid's ears, but he didn't want to get up. The warmth pressed to his chest was enough to keep him comfortable enough to sleep for a millennium. He could feel Eel breathing against him, her hair tickling his neck and various limbs wedged between his.

"Hey, Squid, rise and shine, dude—oh! Gross"

Squid blinked away sleep, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as the D-Tent boys gathered around his cot. He pulled Eel tighter to him. He wanted to be the only person that got to see her first thing in the morning. She whined, the sound muffled against his chest.

"Well, that's new," X-Ray said, smirking at the scene in front of him.

"Just get out, we'll catch up," Squid growled, pulling the sheets away from their entangled bodies. Thank God, she had been sensible and worn at least a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in.

"What a view," she muttered. Squid glanced down at her, matching her coy grin. She trailed her nails down his bare chest. "You're quite a picture to start off my day."

"Aw, ain't you the sweetest?" Squid teased, hovering over her for a kiss. He shivered as her fingers mixed into his messy bedhead.

"If we get in trouble for y'all be late, she is not allowed in here anymore," X-Ray called as he left the tent with Armpit and Magnet.

Eel snorted, pushing Squid away from her. As tempting as it was to stay in the tent and kiss him all day, they had to get to work.

In two minutes, they were out of the tent, a watchful eye out for any nearby counselors. They made it to the breakfast line just before they began tearing down the tables.

With a wave, Eel parted from Squid and joined her group. Her tentmates shot her furtive glances behind Ida's back as they walked onto the lake.

Karate waited until Ida was out of earshot of the digging site to grab Eel's elbow. "Were you with Squid last night?" she asked, a hint of a knowing grin on the corner of her lip.

Eel pressed a finger to her lips, glancing around to ensure that E-Tent wasn't listening. "Possibly. But don't go telling everybody about it," she said. She jammed the tip of her shovel into a crack in the dry desert crust, setting her foot atop the blunt edge of the blade.

"Catwoman told me she found you guys kissing in H yesterday," Karate said, lifting her eyebrows.

Eel bit her lip, casting a narrowed-eye glare in Cat's direction. The damn girl couldn't keep a secret to save her life. "Is there a follow-up question with that statement?"

"So, are you guys… you know?" Karate said, cocking her head. "Like, official?"

"Yes," Eel confirmed, a grin breaking across her face. She tried to smother it back, turning her face downward towards the ground, but Karate had already seen it.

"Jesus, you guys are disgusting," Karate teased with a laugh.

"Shut up, dude," Eel said, jokingly pushing her shoulder. She glanced around, realizing how far along everyone else's holes were. "Hurry up and get digging."

* * *

 **this is like the fastest i've updated like ever. idk this chapter was just straight forward. no important plotlines or drama. v easy to write.**

 **so like... does anyone want to be my bff. like. listen to me bitch about my job and life some and then get to beta read my stuff (only real benefit to being my friend tbh) (and you can like bitch at me when i don't put out content). but really. i need some pals. i have like 2 friends. pm me or something xxpkc**


	27. Chapter 27

"What am I even supposed to say to him?" Eel demanded, the end of her pen jammed into her mouth, between her teeth and cheek. She gnawed on the clip, staring at the almost empty page of her notebook. _Tyler_ was written on the top line, and that was all.

"You could tell him you're sleeping with a juvenile delinquent," Zigzag suggested, staring into his hands. He had been looking over his TV guide all afternoon after returning from the lake. "I'm sure he'd get a kick outta that."

On Eel's other side, Squid rolled his eyes. "It's not like we had sex, Zigs," he said.

Eel felt her face grow hot and red. They really had no sense of propriety. "Um, _no_ , I really don't think that would end well," she said. "Ty is pretty progressive, but I think sleeping with someone out of wedlock is still something he'd approve if, even in the most literal sense of the word." She sighed sharply, a thought striking her. "God, I'd send my Catholic mother to an early grave if she found out."

Squid laughed, his head rolling back against the couch cushions. Eel glowered at him, unamused. Her mother was not someone to take lightly.

"What's your mom like?" Zigzag asked, tearing his gaze from his TV guide, his eyes electric and curious.

Eel pulled her pen out of her mouth, remembering how many times her mother berated her for such a disgusting habit. "She's kind of crazy," she admitted. "But sweet. She liked to talk to me and my brothers in Spanish, and thought it was funny when me and Cody couldn't keep up." Her eyes glazed over as she stared into space. Her mother worked night hours at the local ER, giving Eel lots of extra time with her father and Cody. Still, she found the time to help Eel study for biology or chemistry. She remembered all the nights spent in the kitchen, her textbook and worksheets spread across the table, her mother at her shoulder, explaining concepts and pointing out her incorrect answers.

"Go to bed," her mother had said after a long night of studying. Lily had a test at the end of the week, and had hardly moved her face from her textbook in several hours. "You will get an A. You can afford to go to sleep."

Lily gathered her notes and flashcards into her book and stood up to kiss her mother on the cheek. " _Gracias, mami_."

"You grow up too fast, _conejita_ ," her mother said, pinching Lily's chin affectionately. "You will be in college soon and leave me alone with these boys!"

"I'll visit as much as I can," Lily said. " _Yo prometo_."

Her mother gave her a sad smile and pity panged through Lily's stomach. Tyler only came home during the holidays, and she knew her parents missed their eldest child. She gazed at her mother through the pale-yellow kitchen light, knowing they were thinking the same thing.

"You won't," her mother said. "You are just like Tyler."

Lily scrunched her face in protest. Almost the same thing. "Me and Ty are nothing alike."

" _Mija_ , I raised both of you." Her dark eyes sparkled with amusement. "I know all of my children well. You and Tyler are smart, but stubborn as a mule." She laughed at Lily's frustrated expression. "You mean well, but you will be too busy for poor old me."

"I could never be too busy for you, _mami_."

"Tyler said the same thing when he was your age," her mother said. She sighed and shook her head, patting Lily lightly on the back. "Go to bed, _conejita_. Daddy will not be happy if I keep you up late."

Lily had left her mother alone. Not even for college – something worse than college. It was just another broken promise.

"Good night, _mami_."

"What?"

Eel blinked and cleared her throat as her mother's voice drifted out of her head. "Nothing, I just… I was just thinking." She shot Zigzag a stiff smile before returning to her unwritten letter. There was a pregnant pause that followed, filled with painfully awkward tension.

"My mom can't cook to save her life," Zigzag said suddenly. "My dad was okay, and he cooked for me and my sister when he didn't have to work. A lot of the times we just ordered pizza or takeout."

" _Mami_ always cooks a lot when she misses my grandparents in Mexico," Eel said. "Her tamales are my favorite thing on the planet."

Zigzag thought for a moment. "What's that thing that tamales are wrapped in?"

"Corn husks," Eel told him.

"Oh. I don't like that part," Zig said solemnly.

Eel stared at him for a long moment, her eyes narrowed into a slitted squint. Still unsure if he was kidding or not, she reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "Ricky," she said softly. "Zigzag, you're not supposed to eat that part."

"In retrospect, that makes a lot more sense," Zigzag said.

"Did no one tell you not to eat that part?" Eel asked.

"No." Zig shrugged. "I just bought them from some guy in a Walmart parking lot while I was high one time. That was the only time I'd ever had them."

"Fair enough, I suppose," Eel murmured, shaking her head in exasperation.

"How do you say grandparents in Spanish?" Zigzag asked.

" _Los abuelos_ ," Eel said, her mouth curling at the corners. "Every year we fly down to Mexico for Christmas and _mi madre y mi abuela_ spend all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day cooking."

"My Nana never let my mom touch the food at Thanksgiving and Christmas," Zig said, grinning. "She always had my uncle help with food, and mom just set the table. My sister and I were the oldest cousins, so we had to watch the little kids."

"I was the oldest too," Squid said. "But my youngest cousins were only a few years younger than me. During Christmas, we'd all just go play poker in the game room."

"Tyler was the oldest with us," Eel said. "But he hated looking after us, so he would just dump us on tío Ramiro and he and Georgie would go hide in the old treehouse." She rolled her eyes. "Mami would go running out screaming about how the floorboards were going to give out and they would fall and break their necks." Her smile faded a little. "I missed Christmas." She wondered if her grandparents and cousins hated her too.

"So did I," Squid said.

"Me too," Zig said.

There was another pause, and Eel could tell they were thinking about this past December. They had woken up to the same awful alarm and ate the same horrible food, a day without a single distinction from any other. Eel didn't even realize it had been Christmas until weeks later.

It was now that she realized she hadn't seen most of her family in almost two years. "I'll miss it this year too," she said.

"I'll miss it too," Squid echoed.

Eel found herself staring at Squid, her lips pursed and eyes wistful. He stared back, his hand on her thigh, his thumb tracing patterns over her jumpsuit. This Christmas would be different. Maybe she wouldn't have a hordes of family members packed under a single roof, but she would have Squid.

"Y'all can just come to Christmas with me," Zigzag piped up, drawing the couple out of their reverie. "Nana loves everyone. She'll love you guys."

With Squid's encouragement, she had filled Zigzag in on everything she had been holding back from him. He gave her his undivided attention while she explained everything, and she managed to get through it all without breaking down into tears. Between the two of them, there were no more secrets, for which she was glad.

"I'm not sure your family would appreciate you hanging out with criminals from the detention camp you attended," Eel pointed out.

Zig shrugged. "You didn't murder anyone," he said. "Just arson, like me. And theft," he added, glancing at Squid.

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be a real hit, Ziggy," Squid said, snickering.

"Elsie will like you," Zigzag said firmly. "My sister."

Eel shut her notebook, her letter to Tyler momentarily forgotten. "So, it's settled then?" she asked. "Christmas at Zigs this year?"

Zig stuck his hand out, his pinky finger in the air. "Pinky shake on it," he said.

Laughing, Eel watched as Squid reached out and curled his pinky around Zigzag's. They stared at her expectantly and she lifted her hand, joining her tiny finger with their much larger ones. As Zig moved their hands up and down, she swore to herself that this would be the one promise she didn't break.

As Squid and Zigzag dropped their hands, Eel threw an arm around each boys' shoulders and pulled them down to her height. They grunted, but she quieted them with a quick kiss to Squid's temple, and then Zigzag's. She didn't deserve her two best friends by a long shot, but she loved them both to death.

"My boys," she said, now cheek-to-cheek with both of them. She grinned, listening to their mild protests. "What would I even do without y'all?"

* * *

 _Tyler,_

 _Thanks for your last letter. It's the first not-terrible letter I've received in a while._

 _There isn't much to tell about Green Lake. I'm sure you already know, but it did used to be a lake. Sometimes we find fossilized fish on the lakebed, which is kind of cool._

"Speaking of which, I did find one of those at some point," Eel said, pulling her pen away from the page. "I guess I lost it. I don't think I've seen it for a while."

Zigzag snickered. Eel glanced up at him, her eyebrow cocked. "What, do you know something about that?" He shot a pointed look past her and she swiveled her gaze around to Squid.

Squid cleared his throat. "I didn't steal it," he said quickly. "I was just looking at it – I was going to give it back."

Eel hummed in disinterest, recalling his mild fascination for aquatic animals. "You can keep it," she said. "I have no use for it." Better he keep it for his own interest than her for no reason.

"And I do?" Squid asked curiously.

She blinked at him. "Maybe you will one day," she said slowly, leaning into his arm. He beamed back at her and she turned back to her letter.

 _One of the boys' counselors likes to talk about the old town that used to live here. The Warden of the camp owns what's left of the town and lake – which isn't much. Her grandfather used to live here when there was a lake and she inherited it from him._

 _As far as work, we don't really do anything. Everyday, we go out onto the lakebed with shovels and dig holes five feet deep and five feet wide. Their philosophy is "Take a bad kid, make them dig all day in the hot sun, and they'll turn into a good kid." I'm sure you would like to call bullshit on that philosophy – considering it's in no way based in psychology or addresses the root of self-destructive behavior that teenagers from low-income families and societies often engage in._

"What the fuck?" Squid said, reading over Eel's shoulder.

"My mom had lots of therapist friends," Eel said bluntly. Friends that she got pulled out of school in the middle of the day to go see for an hour. She rarely talked about herself, engaging them on the study of psychology to avoid the conversation of how she felt. They picked up rather quickly that she had no interest in therapy; indulging her young mind was the only way to get her to speak at all.

"Sometimes I wonder how someone at smart as you ended up here," Squid said.

"The same way you ended up here," Eel countered. "The same way Zigzag ended up here. Minor miscalculations of our surroundings and pride that we won't get caught."

"I don't know if you're saying we're as smart as you or you're as dumb as us," Zigzag said.

"I do consider myself a genius," Eel said. "If that answers your doubts." Genius was probably an overstatement. She was good at math was all.

 _Once we finish digging for the day, we get to go take a shower and spend our free time in the recreation hall._

 _You definitely won't approve, but I actually have a few friends here. Not everyone here is dangerous. You know just was well as I that murderers and rapists usually get tried as adults, and won't make ranks here among the lighter felonies and misdemeanors._

"Some don't get caught," Zigzag pointed out.

"I don't think I need to mention that part."

 _From my tent, there's Karate, Catwoman, Walker, and Red. My tent is pretty wild and rough, so I've been told, but the right ones are loyal and moderately nice._

 _Out of the boys, there's Zigzag. A lot of people think he's weird or crazy. But they just don't know him or never tried to get to know him. I met him on my first day, and we've been through a lot together. He's my best friend._

 _The following information is sensitive and you CANNOT tell mom and dad about this, or I swear I will break your jaw. I've been a weightlifter for years and have spent nine months in a juvenile detention center, so that is a thing I can do._

 _There's this guy, Squid. And we're together._

 _And I already know what you're probably thinking, but I swear to you that he's not a bad guy. And I get it, what kind of kids up in a place like this? The answer is kids like me. You've seen me with Johnny and you know what a train wreck that relationship would have ended as. My attempts at love were fruitless and incompatible, so maybe this was always what would have been for me. And I'm fine with it and, more important, really happy._

 _Neither of us are perfect people. Obviously, we've both fucked up. But I think between Squid, Zigzag, and me, we've found our own form of unsanctioned therapy from being friends. And that's all you could really hope for in our situation, right?_

Out of the corner of her eye, Eel saw Squid's small smile.

"You didn't tell him our real names," Zigzag said. "He's gonna think we're all fucking lunatics."

Eel rolled her eyes. "I don't think he's gonna care. Besides, he said he'd talked to Barfbag in the hospital, I'm sure they covered that."

"You should tell him how you got your nickname," Squid said.

"Why would I do that?" Eel demanded.

"Because it was funny as hell, and for if he needs anymore proof that you belong here."

Eel sighed in exasperation. "Whatever."

 _Zigzag has pointed out that these names will probably sound weird to you. They're not their real names, just nicknames. It's our hazing ritual and possibly symbolic in it's own right. I got my own nickname by shocking some weird guy while I was dismantling a TV. He was super creepy and asking for it (exactly in the way that I wasn't asking for his help or his unwanted attention.) So I'm the Electric Eel – Eel._

Squid snickered. "That was the best day of my life," he said. "I fuckin' hated Zellar."

"Yeah, I could really tell," Eel muttered.

"He really was a creep," Zigzag added. "You're lucky you didn't have to deal with him for that long. He was always trying to look into the girls' showers."

"Didn't know that but ew," Eel said, tapping the end of her pen against her notebook as she tried to think of something else to write.

She felt awkward talking so openly about her life at Camp Green Lake. She was used to keeping secrets and shutting people off. When Squid and Zigzag said they wanted to read her letter to Tyler, she had been really surprised. She told them it wouldn't be anything interesting, but they insisted, curious on how she would respond to Tyler's questions.

 _As for mom and dad… I really don't think they want to talk to me. You weren't there the day I was arrested, Ty. I've never seen dad so angry before. He yelled and cried and broke things. He won't forgive for a long time, if he even does. I'd much rather leave it alone, because there's no point. But you don't need to worry about me. I've got everything figured out for when I leave, and I'll be just fine._

 _I did get all of Lewis's letters. I will write him back eventually, I just don't know how right now. It still hurts, and I'm not ready. Believe it or not, so much is happening at Green Lake right now, and it's impossible to keep up with it all at once._

She hesitated, her pen hovering over the page as she tried to think of what else to say.

"I think that's all I can do," she said. She didn't want to think about Katie or Lewis anymore. She could feel her face heating up and the sting beneath her skin.

"It's fine," Zigzag said, clapping his hand onto her shoulder and squeezing lightly. "You're responding, at least."

Grimacing, Eel moved her pen to the next line. "I guess you're right," she said. "Considering the last few things I've said to him, this is better than nothing."

"What was the last thing you said to him?" Squid asked.

"Well, the last time I wrote him, I'm pretty sure all I said was _Fuck off_ ," she explained, her nose scrunching as she thought. "In person… I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure the last thing I said to him was _Eat a dick_."

Squid grimaced. "Great relationship you guys have," he said.

Eel frowned. "Were you not paying attention?" She waved the notebook in his face. "That's what this is for."

 _I love you,_

 _Lily_

Wrinkling her nose at the use of her real name, Eel tore the page from her notebook. She gave it a final inspection before folding it and stuffing it into the envelope she already had prepared for mailing.

"Done," she said as she sealed the letter. With a sigh, she leaned her head onto Zigzag's shoulder. He slid his arm around her and she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hey, you know you're _my_ girlfriend, right?" Squid asked.

Eel peeked over Zigzag's arm to see Squid pouting. "Jealous, Squiddy?" she teased.

He rolled his eyes. Laughing, Eel reached over and laced her fingers into his. "You get me at night. Ziggy needs some love." He feigned irritation but let her remain at with Zigzag.

When the bell ran for dinner, Eel folded her notebook in half and shoved it into her back pocket. Squid and Zigzag waited for her at the door as she dropped the envelope into the letter box. Squid threw an arm around her as she joined them.

Despite everything, life at Green Lake seemed to be looking up. Eel glanced between Squid and Zigzag, a small grin on her face. She felt okay.

* * *

 **hey palsssssss i have returned after a whopping two-three months of debilitating depression to bring you another chapter of ww. can i just tell you that i love all of yall that stick with me. and can i also just apologize in advance (because who knows when I'll update next) for the actual garbage storm that is actually coming in the next few chapters? there'll be fighting, and threats of melting faces, and, more importantly, a new character that will try to tear apart the lives of our favs, Eel and Squid.**

 **now that i've dropped that bomb on you, i'll leave you to the crushing anxiety and curiosity of what is to come. see you soon xoxo pkc**


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